Posts Tagged ‘birkenstocks’

Dress Codes are a Mothaf*cka!

April 25, 2008

You know what I hate? Dress codes. You know dress codes are racist, right?

Here’s an example of the dress code for Lucky Strike, which is a f’ing bowling alley…a little full of itself, right? Check it out.

No Sweats or Sports Jerseys

No Sleeveless or Excessively Baggy T-Shirts

No Construction Boots

No Headgear (which I assume means hats and not those things Lake had to wear in high school)

(If you didn’t get the point the first time) No Excessively Baggy Clothing

No Plain White Short or Long Sleeve T-Shirts

No Chains

No team logos or gear

Listen, I’m down with no shirt, no shoes, no service rules all day. If you roll into a spot looking like you are about to chill by a pool or step into the Octagon, I don’t want your half naked ass anywhere near me, so I can handle that. I also understand hitting a nice restaurant in flip flops, jeans and the grubby ass t-shirt you got for signing up for a credit card in high school. Those are wide open rules that can be pretty evenly applied. The rules here though…they might as well say “don’t dress like a Black person.”

Case in point. Let’s do a little multiple choice. All three of these people are technically breaking the rules. Who isn’t getting in the club?

Sorry buddy. Long sleeve white T…not getting in. Yeah right.

Excuse me miss. No short sleeve white t’s. I’m afraid you and your headlights are not welcome here.

Excuse me sir. You appear to be a menace to society. Please bowl elsewhere. Seriously. This young brother doesn’t have a chance. He’s not getting in. Meanwhile Ms Pam Anderson up there is probably the most inappropriate of the three. Meanwhile all three of them supposedly wouldn’t get in. You know good and damn well that the “no white t-shirt” rule does not apply to the fitted crew neck Brad Pitt is rocking. It just doesn’t. So why is it there? Because black people like to wear plain white t-shirts and this is a way to keep them out. At the door Brad isn’t getting a second look.  Not never.

Let’s take another look. Dress codes are designed to keep a place looking good right? Keep the place looking respectable, keep it grown and sexy. I get that. So, these guys are basically the epitome of people who aren’t getting in to this spot.

Let’s see, headgear, Excessively baggy shirts and excessively baggy clothing, and chains. Not getting in. But this guy:

Come on in buddy. Those pink crocs really bring out the orange spots in your daisy shorts.

Seriously. That outfit is all good according to this dress code. Birkenstock guy gets in too. As does douchebag overtanned big hair guy, and pop four collars guy.  All those guys are inappropriate as hell.

All I’m saying is this. You know good and damn well what the dress code is set up for. No one wants any of the people above in that club. But the rules don’t prevent them from getting in. “Excessively baggy” just means you get to make a judgment call at the door. When was the last time you saw a fat person in some tight ass gear? They like to keep it loose. Let the air flow.

So now fat people can’t get in? But this guy is sooooo jolly. Sorry big fella, your pants are too loose…I need to see those pants gripping up on those thigh rolls if you want to bowl here tonight. Of course not, this guy is going to get in too.

So fake bouncers at this fake ass club. Loosen up.

-Brock