Posts Tagged ‘Ashley Rae Maika DiPierto’

Spitzer’s Hizzie on the Beach

June 10, 2008

I guess you can’t expect this babe to keep her clothes on, right? Ashley Alexandra Dupree was sunning it up over the weekend on the prestigious Jersey Shore.

Damn, I wonder what that tattoo says, “I fucked a Gobner and the entire State of New York!!”?

Now I’m not sure what a “Buss it Baby” is, but she’s got to be one, right? I can’t lie though, nobody ever called this chick ugly.

I wonder who “Unidentified Hoe Numba two” is there with her? I know, I know, she’s not necessarily a hoe, she could just be a friend. Right, she could be a friend…a friend who is a hoe. Let me tell you something. In my experience, hoes tend to run together. That’s why dudes often say, “look at them hoes over there.” And when was the last time you had a really good girl who ran with some straight hoes? Nah, heos are like mice. If you see one, there are far more where that came from and if you see two, they’re definitely part of the same crew. They’re hard as hell to get rid of and even when you kill a couple, they’ve just got about 4 or 5 more stepping up to take their place.

Hmmm, let’s see. Relatively thin, Amy Winehouse beak and hollywood cocaine skinny…Sure, I’d bet she’s about a 6 diamond level hoe and definitely hittable by Eliot’s standards.

Of course, Ashley is a full on 7 diamond, but we can’t all be a high priced hooker, ya dig? I’ll take my Ashley Alexandra Dupree sex tape any time now, thanks.

– Lake

—————-UPDATE—————-

Raafman in the comments says that the second chick on the grassy knoll is none other than Ashley Dupree’s moms!  That changes the standard altogether.  She is a 4 Diamond jump off if she is 21, but at an age of at least 45 (okay, let’s be real…Ashley is 23, Mom’s with a body like that is potentially 38 ) Mom’s has to be running through the “mature escort” game.  I mean she stays in the gym, and the gene pool is strong.  I mean talk about born and bred for the streets…

-Brock

Spitzer’s Hooker Is About To Be Famous!!!

March 13, 2008

Meet rebellious runaway, turned aspiring R&B singer, turned Elliot Spitzer’s last hoe Ashley Youmans aka Ashley Rae Maika DiPierto aka Ashley Alexandra Dupre aka Kristen from the Emperor’s Club VIP.

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And yes, that is an interesting shirt she has on with that right J game creeping out, fighting for respectability….but we’ll get to that later.

Anyway, this babe right here is a piece of work. You KNOW you’re dealing with a scandalous, low arse, bottom feeding hizzoe when approximately two days after a sex scandal rocks the state of New York and not even 24 hours after the Chief Executive of one of the most influential governmental bodies in the world resigns, this chick’s name and pictures are suddenly plastered all over the internet. Can you say Cha-Ching?

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And come to find out, this chick is an aspiring R&B singer. You know what they say, no publicity is bad publicity, especially if you’ve been turning tricks to pay your rent since you were 17 years old. So after she got done fucking the Governor, getting paid, getting caught and testifying, I’m sure ole Ashley was like, “hey, this is my big break!!!” And she’s probably right. Wasn’t it Confucius that said “one man’s ruined political career, life and family is another 22-year old hoes’ shot of a lifetime?” That Confucius, always right about stuff like this.

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Well, one thing I must say, I’m glad to finally know what a $5,000 piece of ass looks like. Check ole Ashley getting her extended hoe game on in St. Tropez:

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I can’t lie. She appears to have everything you want in a high-priced hooker.

1. Concave stomach piece, check

2. Beautiful breast-tah-sis, check

3. Mediterranean/Sorta Rican tan piece, check

4. Fairly revealing swim wear, check

5. Presence in a foreign country that she has no business visiting but for the fact that she’s charging men exorbitant amounts of jack so that she can do coke, drink cristal, fuck and still have a few pennies to put away for her “singing career,” CHECK

And what about that singing career. Let me tell you, it’s real bad. Check her song “What We Want.” <——The Irony of it all.

Look, let’s just say that she wouldn’t be going to Hollywood on American Idol unless she was blowing Simon during the commercial breaks, which given what this chick is all about, is fairly likely.

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My thing about this babe is that she almost looks like a shape changer. I mean, at one point she’s got the full-on, now you see me, now you don’t Tucan Sam schnauzer-beak piece going:

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Then the next thing you know she’s rocking the smoothed out strawberry blond look with the even skin and non-offensive proboscis:

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Damn, the home wrecker looks kind of good here, I must admit. What’s the difference, besides Cocaine nose on the first one and Dr. 90210 nose on the second. Still, baby girl is a chameleon, but I guess the ability to change up one’s look is a valuable commodity in the hoe game. Anyway, peep what she had to say on her myspace page about her life below:

“When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own. I am here, in NY because of my music.”

Right, your music. Talk about “fucking for tracks.” Jeez. And where does she get this enlightened grip on the real world, why from Mom of course…Yes, her Mom, Carolyn Capalbo has weighed in on this matter.

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Peep her act:

“She is a very bright girl who can handle someone like the governor (huh?) But she also is a 22-year-old, not a 32-year-old or a 42-year-old, and she obviously got involved in something much larger than her.”

Ya think? Anyway, I would say that this babe has had her 15 minutes of shameful fame and now she’s done, but I know better. People Magazine, 60 Minutes, Larry King and maybe even Good Morning America will be knocking in no time. And you know that “memoir” is already into production. I know, I know, you already had been writing a memoir about your life in the hoe game…

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Believe me, you didn’t have to tell me, because I already knew.

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You know your post is over when the hizzie throws you the double “peace out” sign. Kristen errr Ashley, can’t wait to see ya on 60 Minutes girl. I wonder if she’ll make any cracks about Easy E’s “love making” or those “dangerous requests” to hit this broad raw dog.

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Elliot, please homey, wrap it up, especially with the hoes…..thx.

-Lake