Posts Tagged ‘American Idol’

American Idol Has A New Host. Uh Oh.

August 27, 2008

I have to admit.  I didn’t get with the last season of American Idol.  It is really all beginning to run together to me.  Especially since they don’t seem to be star makers anymore.  There aren’t any Kelly Clarksons or Carrie Underwoods out there.  Daughtry did his thing, but he wasn’t even a finalist.  I’ll say it, you can’t let the American People actually choose a star.  They aren’t smart enough to know what they actually want.  Honestly, the truth of the matter is I don’t actually believe they let the American people choose the winners anyway.  Anyway, they just announced that AI will be rocking a fourth judge this year.  Kara DioGuardi.

So what does everyone think.  Is she going to be niceCool?  Or mean?  Come on, there are only three prototype personalities on these shows.  OK, you can add crazy to the mix.  She’s got to be one.  I just hope she has her own opinion.  Paula doesn’t make up her own mind without Randy, that is why they never let her go first.  I guess this woman has handled the careers of several of the idols, so she knows what she’s looking for.  I’ll tell you this though…just looking at the pictures, she looks like a younger fresher version of Paula to me.

Maybe just younger.  Looks like more of what Paula is serving up here.  I actually can’t wait to see the first, no talent, fame baiting, can’t sing, crazy dressing, loser look Kara dead in the face and say “who the hell are you?”

Well Kara, you better watch your back.  If Paula ever mentions the fact that she couldn’t get her meds refilled while she was on the road…

She’ll cut your ass.  You can’t just jump on the gravy train once it’s rollin.  It sounds like about 33% too much commentary to me.  Let’s have 33% more losers looking for their 15 minutes of fame.  And bring back the real shit talking too, American Idol has gotten too soft.  Oh well, you’ve got to tweak it somehow.  This show jumped the shark when they let this dude win.

That was the beginning of the end right there.

-Brock

The Only Thing Right with American Idol This Year: Syesha Mercado

April 24, 2008

I’ve been fairly disappointed with American Idol this year. Don’t get me wrong, the show has gotten worse and worse each year for about three years in a row now. But at least last year we had some scandals and the terrible ass Sanjaya train wreck to look forward to. This year we’ve got nothing.

Yeah, fundamentally all these people can sing, but that little gay guy with the lipstick would be better off trying out for my Middle School rendition of Oliver! than try to sell records these days. I mean, what genre will this cat be in? Contemporary Adult Bitchassness? In fact, that classic song “Who Will Buy” is perfectly suited for this little cat.

I mean, on the rizzeal, who will buy this cat’s album? Really, he’s just a less ridiculous, slightly more talented version of Sanjaya. Anyway, my tivo still picks Idol up, so I tuned in last night and let me tell you… this Syesha Mercado, she was great. She did this sultry song in this red dress and it was just about exactly what I needed. I mean, she sounded and looked grrrrreat!

For some strange reason she looks like Tila Tequila right there. Anyway, it got me looking for her. The babe definitely has some things going on. She can show a little finesse with some style.

(Oh yes, stylish, sporty, mid section right, J game time. I like it. The only negative is that I’m fairly certain that you can’t wear those pants and have an ass of any significance, they look good from the front though.)

Get her KFC kids meal leg game on.

Or even hit you with that Badu-esque, interpretational stomach out head wrap joint, because you know, you gotta keep things conscious, right?

Only, I’m not so sure about that wild hair all the time. I mean, when it’s on, it’s on. But sometimes, it seems like she’s hooking up that Tracy Chapman special (see the legs out pic above) or worse yet, that Ziggy Marley “Tomorrow People” look.

Hey, I try not to have too many hang ups, but I do like a woman with a respectable wig game. You gotta keep the locks looking right. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want anybody around me thinking they’re actually prettier than me and not everyone can have my crop of hair, I get that, but at least show me an effort. I’d say Syesha makes the grade a clean 85% of the time. She does have those, well, bohemian moments though. Hey, if you’re gonna keep it bohemian, I’m with that. But just make that shit salon boho, not searching for a cigarette butt, spark the ism boho. That earthy shit aint gonna work ’round here.

– Lake

American Idol’s Gay Stripper Scandal

March 5, 2008

Here is a real conversation earlier today at Us Versus Them headquarters.

Brock: Did you hear that the Hispanic cat on American Idol was a stripper in a gay male strip club?

Lake: Nooooooo. The little guy with the lipstick?

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B: Nah, not him…the other dude. Taller guy.

L: Ohhhhh, true. The crazy flamboyant cat who talks all that shit and gyrates all over the stage?

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B: Good guess. But nah, not him either. The other…seemingly gay, Hispanic cat.

L: Who?

B: (*getting my Google search on*) uhhhhhhhhhhh, David Hernandez.

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L: Who?

B: You ain’t lied. I didn’t know who the hell he is either.

Shoulda known. Ol’ D. Hernandez is rocking the stripper pose in that damn picture. Hell, all three of them look like they are breaking out the stripper moves.

And no David, we don’t want to hear any parts of your “I worked in a gay club, but I’m not gay” argument. If you get butt naked for men stuffing cash in your g-string that is gay.

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That no shirt, bowtie combo you are rocking right now is gay. Sitting next to those two drag queens is gay. The way you’re holding that beer is gay. This picture coming up:

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It’s gay. Lord Jesus…We aint seen cuts in a garment like that since, well, Nathaniel Golden, Jr. David, I hate to do this to you, but you knew it was coming:

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There, I said it.

I know, I know at first you were just working behind the bar with no shirt on and before you knew it you were ahem “sliding down a pole” while “What is Love” by Haddaway pumped over the sound system.

Don’t hurt me…no mo.

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-Brock

=================Update================

Dude, as if this couldn’t get any worse, I just read that this cat still claims that he’s straight and used to work at this strip club…

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It was called ahem “Dick’s Cabaret”.. Haa Lordy! And the owner didn’t let David off easy, he remembered the boy as a good earner (low!).

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errrrrr

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According to a report by the Associated Press, David Hernandez appeared fully nude and performed lap dances for the club’s “mostly male” clientele, club manager Gordy Bryan told the news wire service. “He had the look and the type that people like, so he made pretty good money here,” Bryan said. Bryan claims Hernandez – who hails from Glendale, Arizona – worked at the strip club, Dick’s Cabaret, for three years until the end of September 2007.

Jeez.. I was much happier and more comfortable when American Idol Scandals looked like this:

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What is the world coming to?

– Lake