Posts Tagged ‘Amanda Kimmel’

Survivor: Bring back the hotties

January 27, 2008

Someone on the Survivor production team must be reading Us Versus Them, because not only did the new Survivor bite our style, they also followed our advice. First of all it is called “Fans Versus Favorites” FvF doesn’t ring like UvT, but there is definitely going to be an Us Versus Them element this year. After Survivor: China having a severe hottie shortage, Survivor: Micronesia – Fans versus Favorites is coming on February 9th, and they are bringing the heat in 2008. Let’s keep this simple and meet a few old favorites and some welcome new additions.

The Old School Favorites:

Parvati:

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Parvati (who knew her last name was Shallow?) from Survivor: Cook Islands is back boys and girls. We already highlighted her as one of our favorites last season, before we even knew she was coming back. She’s a welcome addition. Plus we get another season of listening to Jeff Probst murder her name (Poverty, Proverty, etc.).

Eliza:

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Lake and I disagree on this one, but I’m down with Eliza. She’s quietly a dark horse to win. She’s been doing analysis and commentary on Survivor since Survivor: Vanuatu with the infamous Murtz. She gets the game and has paid attention to all of the changes in the game. She knows what she did wrong last time and will be gunning to fix it.

Amanda:

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Our favorite blurred out chick from Survivor: China is back. With Parvati and Eliza in the mix, you will see exactly what I’m talking about with Amanda Kimmel. She’s not really that tight. Wait…you don’t recognize her?

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How’s that? This was the angle the camera men preferred. I wonder if she had time between seasons to realize she needs more appropriate clothing so she doesn’t spend this entire season behind the blur.

Let’s check out the new chicks of Survivor…they brought some winners here too:

Mary:

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Damn, I see Mary Sartain went to the Vida Guerra school of dipping yourself in sand for pictures. She’s a pro in more ways than one. I hope her game is as tight as she looks. We need her to stay around for a while, she…ummmmm…looks entertaining.

Natalie:

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Well at least Natalie Bolton thinks Natalie Bolton is sexy. She looks like drama. Why would you make that face in your picture? I bet all her friends have a stack full of pictures that look just like this. Hilarious. She’s out early, I can tell.

Tracy:

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Pass Tracy Hughes-Wolf the botox…damn. I wonder if she can express emotion from the nose up? Yikes. Seriously, she either lifts weights with her jaw, or she got one last botox treatment trying to look her best on tv. What’s up with the Wolf in the hyphenated last name? There are real people with the real last name Wolf out there? Or is it this guy?

Alexis:

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Here’s the obligatory sweet girl next door. Alexis Jones could go either way. I can’t really tell what she’s working with from this pic. I know before even looking that she’s from the south. Just checked…it’s Texas.

You see Jeff didn’t send his girl Julie Berry back into the fray. Hell, I still need a gratuitous Julie pic.

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Well, those are the ladies. The vets also bring back Johnny Fairplay, James from Survivor: China, Ozzy, and my man, your man, the inventor of the fake immunity idol…Yau-Man.

Gonna be a good one. Stay tuned.

-Brock

==============Update=============

Brock you forgot one necessary Survivor Hottie: Jenna Lewis.  I mean, babe was so ill, they brought her back for Survivor All-Stars.

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Not bad, but what really puts her over the top is that sex tape that I haven’t seen but which can be viewed on a NSFW basis right HERE.  You be the judge, because now you’ve got the information.  Is it Parvati without the goods or Jenna who you know is willing to go the ahem extra mile.

– Lake

Survivor China Finale: Todd wins!

December 17, 2007

So I went ahead and peeped the end of Survivor China tonight.

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It was very odd. Usually the people on the show look significantly better once they get all that grime and mud off them, but not this bunch. Almost everyone look bloated and caked-up with make-up on the reunion show. Brock asked early on who the hot chick was supposed to be on the show. Generally if you need to ask that question, the answer is that there wasn’t one. In theory Amanda was supposed to be the hot one and in fact, she had been in several beauty pageants coming in.

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Hey, it’s not my cup of tea, but that’s a respectable thigh by anyone’s standards. And while it could have some more curve on it, that hamstring is talking to that arse piece in the far right picture. I can’t lie, she was looking exile sexy toward the end of the show. She’s naturally a somewhat stocky girl, so the Survivor diet fit her nicely.

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Now that damn Courtney, who inexplicable got two winning votes by the way, did not take well to the Survivor diet.

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Literally never. They said the chick started the show at 94 pounds and ended that joint at 86 pounds. Dammit!! There just has to be something illegal about that. Please note that you never heard her complain about a lack of food. That ought to tell you something. Yeah, your dad was tall and skinny, but A. you aint tall and B. he really wasn’t all that skinny. Only you are. And how did that chick get on the show anyway? I know you want a biatch to mix things up, but she just took things way too far. That line about how Denise didn’t deserve the money “because she sucked at life” was so so ill.

Speaking of Denise, she took it on the chin as a result of the show, so much so, that Mark Burnett had to break her off with $50,000 just for being so miserable. I mean, she lost her job as a lunch lady, she extended that mullet because it made her feel more feminine

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(huh?) and then she even got iced out by the fans as the favorite Survivor. And let me ask, if her family is so poor and hard off, why was everyone in the family famously plump? Hey, I’m not trying to go Courtney on her, but she was a bit too vocal about why she deserved to stay in the game, like she didn’t ice out Piegh Gee. It’s not like cats aren’t out there trying to win too.

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Oh and those Shoalin Karate sessions Denise demonstrated for us at the ancient temple..awful. She’s a 2nd degree blackbelt? I didn’t know JC Penny reversibles for $4.29 qualified. Hey, I’m like James Brown, I don’t know Karate, but I know Ka-razy and I’ll tell you right now, I’d call on the 36th Chamber, use my Wu Tang style and bust her candy ass in mixed martial arts.

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Those moves at the temple were Daniel-son-eque and believe me, that’s not a compliment. Anyway, Todd won and he definitely deserved it.

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He was the best game player and at times it definitely seemed like he was the only one playing the game. I couldn’t understand how Amanda didn’t know that she had no chance to win against Todd. That was not smart. You just had to like Todd to step up after kicking everyone off to be able to say, “Hey, I’m the man (sort of), I played the best and I won this shit. Everyone else road my coattails.” It’s just too easy and true by the way.

What I didn’t like about Todd was that damn lipstick he was rocking on the finale show. That was terrible. Anyway, James got the fan favorite $100,000, Todd got the mil and Denise got the sympathy $50 stacks. I can’t be too mad at any of it. Oh and this just in, the winner of the best looking Survivor is Peih-Gee.

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No question, she cleaned up nicely, had decent J game and an above average face. She just edged out Amanda who almost backed into the award, but something about the weirdo puppy dog eye she was giving during the last show bothered me.

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What can I say?

– Lake