Posts Tagged ‘Aaliyah’

R. Kelly Trial: The Most Unshocking “GOTCHA” in Legal History

April 22, 2008

Prosecutors in the R. Kelly trial launched their Law & Order style attack on aRa today in court. In trying to prove that he likes young girls, they are whipping out…gasp!…evidence that he married a 15 year old Aaliyah when he was 27. Shocker!

That’s not exactly Columbo type material there. It is actual fact. I think the papers are filed in the state of Illinois. If there was an official marriage, then it was probably legal…dontchathink? Sure, R. Kelly seems to be a sick, sick dude. You know the saying where there’s smoke, there’s fire? Well, right now it is smokier than four weed heads getting their smoke on in a car that is billowing black smoke, with a smoked ham in the trunk, with Smokey Robinson on the radio. The problem is…R. Kelly is fanning the flames with stuff like this:

Yeah, the female tongue belt buckle probably isn’t going to help.

The mask probably wasn’t a good idea either.

Also, if you are going to use the “wadden’t me” defense it is probably a good idea to make your sex tape in a regular room in front of a white wall. Getting it on in your freaking “log cabin” bonus room when you actually have a log cabin bonus room at your house probably isn’t the best idea in the world. I know…I know it was photoshopped, or a doppelganger, or your cousin Brock was at your house that day. Whatever.

Well R. finally figured out that he needs to lay low. So now he is wearing a disguise everywhere he goes.

Niiiice. Real inconspicuous. Dress like Goldylocks before your child exploitation trial. Dammit aRa. You are a musical genius…leave teh young girls alone. I know, you didn’t do it. Jigga – Kelly, not guilteeeee!

-Brock

Classic Material: “Pony” by Ginuwine

February 13, 2008

I know Lake’s classic material usually focuses on stuff that is actually good. I prefer to go with the ridiculous.

That video is foolish from the first open-shirt shimmy slide that Ginuwine does across the stage. Wait, lets back up to the fact that this cat spells his name Ginuwine. Where did he get that spelling, from Flavor of Love? Did Deelishis, Buckeey, and Hoopz help him with the spelling of that name? Lake mentioned that he thought this song was being performed by a woman the first time he heard it. I mean the “baby hair” slicked down, ridiculous sideburns, the full on stripper dance moves. This is pure comedy. The black guy in the saloon theme, everything.

What the hell do the lyrics mean?

I’m just a bachelorrrrrr,

Lookin’ for a Part-na!

Someone who knows how to riiiiiiiide,

Without even falling ooofffffffff.

Seriously, this dude launched his whole career on that BS.

You know what is hot though, is that Timbaland beat. The glorified beatbox, the wild sound effects, the pre-neptunes mid 90’s belonged to Timbaland. Here’s another hot one:

That beat was hot too. On a side note, how dame fine would Aaliyah be right now?

aaliyah10.jpg

She’d be fully marinated and thickened up by now. Damn.

Back to the subjectI think timbaland had me buy at least six albums I would not have bought otherwise. Ginuwine, Missy, Aaliyah, the whole crew. Quietly, that man Timbaland is having the most success ever on that Shock Therapy album. The crazy thing is there are still some hot joints on there. This dude may be five singles in right now. Beyonce and Rihanna albums are about the only joints that get five singles deep these days. Not only that, but this dude is killing white radio. You know what that means. It means Lake and his boys will be running these joints for at least another 9 months.

Give it to Me

The Way I Are

Scream

Apologize (two Versions)

Throw It On Me

Seriously, five singles off of a Timbaland album? With videos and everything? Do you know how much loot this cat has to be raking in right now? Old Timbo albums (let’s call it the Magoo era) were usually good for one radio ready beat and a big pile of BS. I guess he put is album on that Roger Clemons treatment like he did himself, because this album is on swole.

timbaland.jpg

I wonder if the album is also greasy…and silly looking…and playing itself. My Bad.

-Brock