Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Bo Knows, But Hillary Don’t Know Sports

May 16, 2008

I’ve let this slide for a few weeks but I just can’t take it no mo. Hillary Clinton and her camp have been saying that she “wants to play until the game is over”, “that you don’t tell a football team to quit just because they are down in the fourth quarter”, or that “if you were supposed to quit before you play the whole game, the New York Giants wouldn’t have won the Superbowl”.

I know Hillary, you’ve just got your rope-a-dope going, right. You’re still just waiting for your spot to land the knockout punch.

Well, today I heard Hillary say she just needed to hit the three pointer at buzzer. Dammit Hillary, every time I hear you say something like that it just makes me realize you don’t know a damn thing about sports. A three pointer? You think you are just behind by a last minute long three at the buzzer? Hell naw shorty.

Hillary in sports we have a little something called “scoreboard”, it means no matter how much junk you talk Barack can take a look back at that scoreboard and know it doesn’t mean a damn thing. Needing a three at the buzzer would mean you need just a few Puerto Ricans to swing your way and you’d shock the world. That’s not what you need. You need this guy:

To give you a three pointer, a steal with a step back three, and get fouled to drain the free throws in 11 seconds like he did to the Knicks in ’95. Then you need Jason Williams to hit you with some of this:

Then you need John Elway to run the two minute drill for you

The you would need Tim Donaghy to referee and give him a little loot to make sure “things swing your way”

And even then I don’t think you could win. Oh, I forgot, you don’t know sports…that means it is a longshot. Of course, if you take a look at Hillary and know she hasn’t played a sport in her life.

Damn, that’s worse than I thought. So wonder she prefers pantsuits.

Oh…this just in. I shared the plan with Rasheed Wallace…Hey Rasheed, Hillary still thinks she’s got a shooters chance of winning.

I know I don’t get it either.

-Brock

Suge Knight: What Had Happened Was…

May 16, 2008

They say they guy who knocked Suge out was 5’10” 175. Well here he is.

You can’t tell his height from the picture, but he sure doesn’t look 175.  I still can’t believe this cat got the jump on Suge.

Damn, Suge looks like a hard m’fer until you punch his ass.  The interns at UvT found the real reason Suge stayed down.

A whale tail surfaced right as he hit the ground.  Seriously, what is that draws situation all about.  I’ve heard that the biggest complaint about the thong is that it rides up your ass.  Why get the extra big thong piece?  Can one of the ladies of UvT explain that to me?

-Brock

Hey Suge: You Got Knocked the F&<K Out!

May 13, 2008

Mayne, somebody needs to tell Suge Knight that this aint back in the day when he and Pac used to run through the streets, straight “ballin on these marks” with the Boss Players screaming Weessiiieede. Nah, his hard days are pretty much behind him and quite frankly, it shows. Look at homey laid the fuck out after a fight with some “fools” at the club in LA.

I mean, hot dammit. Look at that cat just laid the fuck out like that. Whoooo wee. You can only imagine what this fool looked like only 90 seconds before this whole thing went down too.

Then you know he was like, “what, bitch, do you know who I am?!?!” Next thing you know he was like:

“There’s no place like home… There’s no place like home..”

Lol. Stay in your lane, playa. Thug life for the young.

– Lake

In Case You Missed It

May 11, 2008

Lake dropped a hot line on LeBron in the post below in reference to his Chosen 1 tattoo.

“If you can walk on water, why can’t you hit a damn jumper”.

That shit is hilarious. He just earned me letting him walk around with that ridiculous fur coat for at least another week.

-Brock

Obama Stays out of the Turrible Gear Hall of Fame

May 9, 2008

The media went nuts today when Barack Obama rocked jeans for the first time even on the campaign trail.

I like how he busted out the Jet/Ebony male one leg up pose on it. So of course we had to make sure he stayed off of the ARod and MJ, Mom jeans program. After all, the leader of the free world can’t be caught slippin.

Nice, he keeps it respectable. Did you hear the screams in the video? I guess the Huffington Post has taken to calling the moment of ecstasy when a supporter erupts when in the presence of Barack the O-bama face. What does it look like?

and he makes the ladies go…

It looks like that. Brock…errrrrr…Barack drives the women crazy.

-Barock

Snake vs. Cat

May 9, 2008

I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of an animal kingdom battle royale. You know field 64 animals of various levels of danger and visciousness and pair them off. Who would win? Sure a pride of lions can take down an elephant, but what about one on one? Or crocodile v. panther. If the field was half water?

Snake v. Mongoose is always a classic.

We’ve seen Gator v. Wildebeest. Lion v. Gazelle. But you know you’ve got to mix it up. Throw in things no one would expect. Like this:

What do you know about Little Bitchy Dog v. Crab?  Sure, the crab has no stopping power, but that claw on the left looks dangerous…

…and delicious.

Now this would not have been an intriguing matchup, like a 15 v a 2 seed, but here is one that went down in real life. Kitten v. snake.

LIke I said, we know who wins, but check this out.

Damn, snake caught him feet first…

-Brock

Somebody’s Gonna Catch an Ass Whoopin!

May 8, 2008

Damn. Have you ever been whooping somebody’s ass, and thought…”I could really be whooping so much more ass right now?” Well, we’ve got the product for you.

Pepper Knuckles?!?!?!? With the tagline, “To Protect and Hurt”? Daaaaaaaaaaamn. Let’s see. Pepper spray is designed to immobilize your attacker so you can get away. A little element of surprise, a little searing pain and you can go on your merry little way. I’ve even seen pepper spray with dye in it so the green faced asshole can be found later.

But with Pepper Knuckles, after your assailant is rolling on the ground clutching his eyes you can administer a vicious beatdown so that they never do that shit again. If you are being attacked and are safe to get away, but go back to whoop some ass…is that still assault? I’m thinking probably.

What’s next? The Chainsaw gun from Gears of War?

So you can shoot a cat then saw off their leg?

How about a Taser baseball bat combo?

Don’t tase me bro! bzzzzzt…ieeeeeeeeeaaaah, aaaaaaaaaahhhh Now, don’t beat me bro!

Damn, I don’t want to run into one of these in a dark alley.

-Brock

Hey Hillary, the jig is up, you lost

May 7, 2008

What possible rationale could Hillary Clinton or even a Hillary Clinton supporter have to keep the Senator from New York in the race at this point?

Ok, other than that cat. Honestly, at this point the only way Hillary can win this race would be to hijack it from the will of the people. The primaries are functionally over. She lost the popular vote plain and simple. I mean, who is she trying to be, the first female president, someone who is respected for her mind and toughness or Georgia Dubyah Bush, a chick who had to resort to tomfoolery, deception and post-shifting just so that she can win no matter what the cost?

At this point there is a clear credibility issue at stake. I mean, if Hilly C. somehow manages to trick the Super Delegates into going against the popular vote, not only will she undermine her own candidacy in the general election, but she’ll ruin the legitimacy of the Democratic Party globally. Hell, I’m a ride or die Democrat and I might have to leave those fools if they pull some Florida/Katherine Harris inspired bullshit just so she can run against Old Mayne McCain.

I know, I know, we need to seat the Michigan and Florida delegates and if we did, Hillary would actually win the popular vote.

Sure, but only because of a bullshit technicality. Hillary’s name just happened to stay on that ballot and Barack Obama’s name happened to be off it. How is that indicative of the will of the people in those states? Shit, Lake Arlington running on the Democratic ticket could have won with nobody else on the ballot based on Party Line GP off the top. That isn’t indicative of anything. Besides, where was all this high and mighty rhetoric about the necessity to uphold the enfranchisement of the Florida and Michigan voters back when the Party decided not to seat them initially?

Oh, that’s right, back then the Clinton camp didn’t give a hot damn because she was the prohibitive favorite to win. Hey baby doll, it’s just too little too late. Face it, you underestimated Obama, rolled those dice as you prepared for McCain/Giuliani in the general election and got your ass burned. I mean, but for this absurd Reverend Wright nonsense, that is complete bullshit by the way, you wouldn’t have even been close to Obama in the last few primaries. Moreover, these have been your best two to three weeks and Barack’s worst two or three weeks. Obama STILL whooped your ass in North Carolina and gave you everything you wanted in Indiana.

Just accept it, you lost. There is no possible way you can win this nomination without destroying yourself, the democratic process, the Democratic Party or any possible hope of actually taking back the White House. Shit, you might have already fucked Barack and millions of Democrats with this nonsense about Wright, rural voters “clinging to guns”, religion and bullshit (which is clearly true) and all the rest of your irrelevant shenanigans you resorted to once this thing started going Barack’s way.

Hey Hillary, do you hear that? Yeah, I do. It’s the millions….and millions of voters chanting “Warm up the bus, Warm up the bus”… It’s the sounds of “Nah nah nah nah, nah nah naaah nah, hey hey hey, GOODBYE!!!”

Now Beat It Woman!

– Lake

Guam Represent! Barack Wins!

May 3, 2008

My man Barack Obama just won Guam by a clean seven votes. Hell yeah to those seven people. You just saved us from Hillary extrapolating some ridiculous claim of superiority based on Guam. The worst part, those 4,500 votes in Guam count more than anything done in Michigan and Florida.

What do you call people from Guam, anyway? Guamanians? Guamish? Guamamammas? Guamericans?

Whatever, shout out to the Guelsh for holding it down.

-Brock

Famous DUIs: Tony La Russa

May 2, 2008

Maaaayne, I don’t know if any of you have ever been pulled over after a few, but I have. I mean, I’ve never been pulled when I was drunk, but I’ve literally been pulled over after drinking two drinks. Only, when the cop asks you “have you had something to drink and if so, how many?” and your response is “yes, officer, I had two”. I mean, you just sound like THAT drunk ass cat who either 1. knows damn well that he’s drunk as shit and is just holding on to a shred of hope that the sorry “two” answer will give him a sympathy ride home or a “I’ll follow your drunk ass home” play from the cop or 2. is so drunk that he really couldn’t tell the difference between two or the twenty he actually consumed. Anyway, I literally did just have two, so I didn’t feel good at all. But hey, homey let me go and I was happy, scared straight and taking cabs from there on out. Anyway, with the proliferation of the cop cams, you can now see cats and their DUI debacles close up. Here is Tony La Russa, manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, pissy drunk doing everything other than what ole boy did yesterday in that hilarious DUI video.

What’s interesting about this cat is that he didn’t pull that “Do you know who I am” line. Damn, you just hate to see a cat get nabbed for a DUI, even worse having a cat get killed because of some drunken fool though.

– Lake