Archive for the ‘Superthick’ Category

What’s with the high pants?

October 4, 2007

I know you ladies may like them and I’m sure they’re the “in” winter fashion, but I’m not liking what I’m seeing with these high pants out here.

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(Ok, her’s actually look decent, but we all know why Keyes needs that. She’s one ham sammich away yall, just one)

It’s just an epidemic.

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They are not sexy to me, and isn’t that all the really matters? Hmm, don’t get me wrong, some people make it work. Look at Kim Kardashian working these joints:

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Lovely. But they don’t come off nearly as nice on others. Ole Ms. Can’t dance Rihanna goes to it all the time and I’m just not impressed.

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So does Kelly Rowland.

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See, I like my Kelly Ro with as low rise as the rise can go. Now tell me she doesn’t look better here than she did before:

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Hard to argue with that. How about lower.. definitely gotta take it low!

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Silky smooth yall, silkay smoove! At any rate, I guess they’re kind of novel on yall, but it’s just like everything else the look will be high jacked by terrible broads and turned into a cover up for chicks who are trying to get over:

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(Umm well, in this shot it’s ok, but I can tell that she just didn’t make it with this get up in person.  How do I know she didn’t?  Believe me, I know, I know.)

Or worse, because we all know it will lead to the inevitable.

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(Ah-ha, hush that fuss, errybody move to the back of the bus, Geez)

Bottom line, tight is right. If you’re big, you need to keep the clothes as close to your body as possible, lest you end up looking like a mack truck walking up into the club. If you’re thin, you just look like you’re lost up in that outfit when you go high pants or baggy dress. Take it from Christina Milian:

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Now that’s how you rock a dress. Love ya babe.

– Lake

Another Sex Tape: Are you a White Stripes fan?

September 24, 2007

Me neither.

In fact, I’ve NEVER heard one single song by these cats and I like it that way. At any rate, I guess they had to cancel the rest of their tour because the female drummer, Meg White, has a sex tape out where she’s apparently getting after it.

(hmmm, maybe there is a reason to watch)

I mean, hey, who am I to stop my loyal readers from further degenerating into internet slugs. So here you go, HERE are the screen caps from the tape (NSFW) to get you started and if you want to go for the HIGH HEAT, which of course, I’ve never watched, HERE is the Not Safe For Work Meg White, White Stripes sex tape. Hmm, I aint seen it, but it just reminds you that you can never tell who will do what and never underestimate getting some mileage out of a chick’s ahem assets. Also, I guess everyone out there is on the Britney Spear deforestation plan, huh. Interesting. Out.

– Anonymous

Dubyah flunkies: We don’t die, we multiply

August 19, 2007

We finally learned on Wednesday why Karl Rove retired….Did he suddenly grow a heart and take accountability for his horrible blunderings/strategizing over the lives of Hurricane Katrina victims? Nooo, that’s not it. Was it the realization that he completely F’d up this “little” debacle known as the War in Iraq? Nah, we just need the surge to take root so that freedom can once again go on the march… Oh no, he heard that silly chick Jenna Bush was about to get hitched and just knew it was a sign from above that it was time to hit the damn bricks! Niiiice, what a shocker, somebody is making an honest woman out of drunk girl and bad twin Jenna Bush.

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Meet Henry Hagar, the next gravy trainer errrr member of the proud and meritorious Bush dynasty.

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Hey, I can’t lie… you gotta get that money mayne. I’m not mad at Hank either. Trips to Kennebunkport, sojourns to the Crawford, Texas “ranch”, limitless undeserved jobs and hookups for him and the rest of his family for life… Sounds like a hot deal to me.

The funny thing about the Bush twins is that it’s hard to tell which one looks better. Do you go with superthick Dubyah Jr. Jr. in Jenna (she looks exactly like the worst prez ever) or do you rest with slim shady, Barbara?

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I guess Rule No. 2, “No big girls” dictates I’d have to take Barbara and I guess the fact that she went to Yale helps on some level. So there you have it, Henry Hagar is officially scrapping the bottom on the Bush barrel.

I can’t call it. All I know (and believe me he knows it too) is that Henry is about to get paid.

– Lake

Oh my! This is turrible. Deelishis has a video?!?!

July 26, 2007

Deelishis…can I call you Lishi?  As good as anything else.  We need to talk, about this:

I hear you.  A girl from the D has to stretch out that fame as long as she can.  But damn girl, that right there is turrible.  Those showt shawts ain’t working with with ya, their working against ya.  I know the song is called “Rumpshaker”, but your ass is giving a return on investment of 5-7 extra shakes every time you move.  Don’t get me wrong, I like to see a little extra pop with my lock and drop, a little extra shake with my shimmy, but something ain’t right back there.  Now I know you hooked up with Busta, but when he said “Make it Clap” he meant the booty cheeks, not the thigh with the back of the knee.

Then there is that dance break.  You already couldn’t sing in the beginning, not you have to prove you can’t dance too?  Not necessary girl.

Then, when I already can’t take it no mo.  When I’m ready to tap out, you bring in…who the hell is that?  Well it doesn’t matter, because you immediately turn yourself into a videho in your own damn song!  What the hell is that?  Beyonce doesn’t sing the first two verses then make one booty cheek pop while some random rapper drops their 16 bars.  (Okay, just once, in that Deja Vu video, but Jay-Z is her man, and they kept it in the fam)  Oh and yeah, limit that cat to 16, how long was that dude rapping?

I’ve already talked about this for too long.  ‘Lish, here’s your best bet.  Locate the camera.  Turn your body172 degrees in the other direction.  Bend at the waist while arching your back.  Look back over your shoulder.  Smile.  Make them promise to airbrush the photo.  Other than that, you either need to make plans to get on a nationwide strip club tour or apply to DeVry or University of Phoenix or something so that you can figure out how quickly you can pick up a skill you can use.  Why? Because I think you’re only going to get fifteen minutes of fame, and right now, the UvT stopwatch reads 14:57.

-Brock

Thick white woman alert: Mrs. Coco T

July 13, 2007

Um, there’s just something about this picture that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable with yourself.

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First, I can’t tell if Coco looks great, better than great or terrible. I think in the streets, they call that “Good n Terrible”. No question, this bikini shot certifies that she indeed beyonds in that U v. T Thick White Woman category…and she will remain safely ensconced accordingly. But I’m not sure I love the way that thong is hittin her tail piece.. And Ice.. damn man.. All I can say is, I’m sorry, but my journalistic integrity forced me into it. One question, implants or no? And you know I’m not talking about those breasts homey.

At least Ice T didn’t go out like Fat Joe did earlier this year….

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“We from the Bronx, NY Shit Happens” – Fat Joe, Lean Back

You aint lied. Dammit that just aint right!

– Lake

Superthick

June 27, 2007

The fellas here at Us Versus Them don’t like to make broad generalizations, but when we see trends we like to point them out. I’ve seen a new one and need to bring it to everyone’s attention. Now usually this occurs during the winter, when people are all wrapped up and you can get away with the extra chili on the fries. It is the beginning of summer and people need to keep their game tight.

Exhibit 1:

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Ms. Kelly Clarkson. She was one of the inaugural admittees into the thick white chick hall of fame with her soaking wet performance of “Since you been gone” a few years ago. Now she is muffin toppin’ up out of those tight jeans. She is doing her angle work on the right to try to keep it tight, but Lake isn’t going to like seeing one of his favorites go out like this.

Exhibit 2:

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Lil Kim at the BET Awards last night. This actually isn’t a bad picture if you saw it live, it was actually much worse than what was here. Just because you pull the shirt down enough and the pants up high enough to create a flat part of your stomach, it doesn’t mean it is flat babydoll. You still nasty though, I’ll just remember the XXL cover a few years back when I think about you.

-Brock