Archive for the ‘Sex Tapes’ Category

They say Vanessa Hudgens has a Sex Tape

February 21, 2008

It’s been rumored since the nude pics of Vanessa first hit the net, but now some internet outlets claim to have possession of a cell phone recorded Vanessa Hudgens Christmas sex tape.

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Aww, don’t tell me she went ahead and really rocked those Christmas Boots ala H-Town. Then again, from the look of her expression, I bet there’s more than just a Christmas tape floating around. Baby girl has the look of a certified freak.

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Very nice. I must say, I am enjoying the arch of her career. She went from a chick I never heard of and didn’t care to know, to this:

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To a not safe for work legend in the game. Aww, what the heck, those NFSW pics are HERE.

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Anyway, we’ll keep a look out for this alleged sex tape. You’ll know as soon as we do.

– Lake

American Idol Sex Tape: Jessica Sierra

February 21, 2008

Aaaahhhhh, American Idol Season. Sure, you get the basics, the people who can’t sing, the obligatory swishy black males, and the cut down to the top 24. That isn’t my favorite part. I love the AI scandal. You know, the ex-cons, the crazies, the scandalous my space pages. Well, now an American Idol, Season 4 Alum has taken it to the next level.

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Jessica Sierra has a completely NSFW sex tape that has hit the net. You know our policy, we haven’t watched it. We don’t think you should watch it. If you are at work, you shouldn’t even let your mouse hover anywhere near the following link. Seriously, don’t click HERE. I hear the young lady displays a full range of “skills” and may just think she’s an actual pornstar….she certainly “finishes” like one…I hear…I haven’t seen it myself.

– Brock errr Lake

Why Not? Gene Simmons sex tape

February 20, 2008

Damn, I just knew the Sex Tape gods would send me some marvelous shit for Valentines Day, they always do. But I thought it would be Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan (though they did hook up the “artistic” pics) or Angel Lola Luv, but Gene Simmons?!?! Argh. The sex tape gods must be pissed off at me. Oh well.

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The best thing about this tape, I’m told (remember, I never watch these things) is that he hits it to Foreigner’s Classic anthem, “I Want to Know what Love Is,” LOL!!!! Now you know you’re really hittin some old school arse when you’re cuttin and some long hair from the 80’s starts lacing you with prophetic words that literally send you to that special place. I mean, the drama, the emotion. Oh yes, you’re hittin some righteous ass when you hear this classic build up:

In my life (!) theres been heartache and pain
I dont know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, I’ve traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

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I mean, is there a better song to cut to? It just says it all, “In MY LIFE had heart ache and pain,” meaning, I haven’t hit in a while and I need me some, “I can’t stop now, blah blah lonely niiiiiiiight.” LOL! And then, I mean, literally, we all just wanna know what love is and most of all, we want someone to show us. Jeez. Why haven’t I ever thought of this?

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Perfect. And yes, HERE is the link to the Not Safe For Work video of the actual cut session. Come on now, yall know I got your backs on this. Gene Simmons, an American original. Ha This sex tape phenomenon is getting a bit ridiculous. I mean, who’s next with their tape, Jerry Seinfeld? Hulk Hogan? LL Cool J? You know they’ve all got them. It’s just a matter of time until they come out. Ha.

Hitting to 80’s hair band slow ballads…what could be better than that?

– Lake

Flavor of Love 3 is here! Predictions Anyone?

January 28, 2008

Ready or not, the Flavor of Love 3 premier is coming to VH1 on February 11, 2008:

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I know a lot of you hate this show, but I enjoy it. As such, I’m going to give you my completely superficial rundown of the Flavor of Love 3 girls based solely on their glamor shots and whatever other pics I could dig up.

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There are a bunch of chicks, so I’ll break them up and do a few each day. So let’s just start right now and find out who’s really there “for Flav” and who is “just there for tv”.

Chicken 1. “Shy” or as i like to call her “Fake New York”

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Well, VH1 has done the impossible. They’ve found someone who actually makes New York look good. Jeez. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that this is what New York looks like before they spray on her face. I’d like to say baby just caught a bad angle, but we checked the other angles too.

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They’re all bad, but that is the classic NY mouth after she’s smoked a pack of heaters and downed 2 or 6 Smirnoff Twists.

Prediction: Her name is “Shy” but with a face like that she’s got to be used to being told that she’s ugly; a fact I’m quite sure she’s conveniently characterized as jealousy and hate. There appears to be a slight J game and something more than a negativity ass, so somewhere, somebody has been trying to hit. That means Flav would be willing to hit as well. Undoubtedly, this has contributed to her false confidence and belief that she’s actually going to be one of the “pretty girls” vying for Flav’s heart just like her look alike Tiffany Pollard did. Alas, it will not be so. After a late night romp in the hotub replete with a Flavor Mic Check, she’ll start taking plenty from the other girls for being a “broke ass New York” which quite possibly will result in her horrible weave getting pulled loose in a scuffle with another ragga-muffin. Then baby girl will be eliminated for fighting once Flav hooks up the old “I can’t have no drama in my house Shy, I love you baby, but you’re time is up girl” and off she’ll go direct-it-tally to The Valley to shoot part two of that fake Tiffany Pollard/White Boy (from I Love NY) Sex Tape (NSFW FOUND HERE) we posted a few weeks back. Book it.

Chicken 2. “Peechee” – The big girl who has no chance and knows it
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Now we all know this babe. It’s the same story, new skin color. To understand her role you need only look to that equally horrible chick “Like Dat”.

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Prediction: She’ll survive the first elimination just on GP because Flav will love “how real she keeps it” but we’ll all know the ax awaits. I’m sure she’ll be full of personality, very funny and genuinely nice. That’s why she’s horrible for the show and why I will personally hate her. That’s also why I won’t spend another inch of cyber space on her insignificant ass. Next.

Chicken 3. “Shor-tee” – the babe who probably should be with Flav for real

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Look, I can tell by the way this chick is holding here body that she’s got something up behind that wild animal print. Clearly she’s packing thunder. Now I’ll take that to offset her somewhat attractive, though odd, alien dome piece. Add to it the tats up on the chest piece and you basically have the chick Flavor Flav probably should be able to pull in real life, but not too high level such that she really wouldn’t even f*ck with him (see Hoopz). That’s this chick. Then I saw this pic which I’m told is affiliated with a myspace page:

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See, if that’s your intro pic to your myspace page, that means you have some more provocative joints you’re sitting on for the future, which means you’re probably a stripper or full-time freak. Either way, it fits nicely within my assumptions based solely on her appearance.

Prediction: Babe goes relatively far based on her unconfirmed but probable tailpiece (can see it from the front) and fair complexion (sorry, we’re talking Flav now). Stripper attitude and report with Flav makes her somewhat of a house threat/target.

That’s it for now. Tomorrow I’ll post up another three or so chicks and then we’ll have them all. The show airs on February 11, 2008. Should be decent.

– Lake

Survivor: Bring back the hotties

January 27, 2008

Someone on the Survivor production team must be reading Us Versus Them, because not only did the new Survivor bite our style, they also followed our advice. First of all it is called “Fans Versus Favorites” FvF doesn’t ring like UvT, but there is definitely going to be an Us Versus Them element this year. After Survivor: China having a severe hottie shortage, Survivor: Micronesia – Fans versus Favorites is coming on February 9th, and they are bringing the heat in 2008. Let’s keep this simple and meet a few old favorites and some welcome new additions.

The Old School Favorites:

Parvati:

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Parvati (who knew her last name was Shallow?) from Survivor: Cook Islands is back boys and girls. We already highlighted her as one of our favorites last season, before we even knew she was coming back. She’s a welcome addition. Plus we get another season of listening to Jeff Probst murder her name (Poverty, Proverty, etc.).

Eliza:

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Lake and I disagree on this one, but I’m down with Eliza. She’s quietly a dark horse to win. She’s been doing analysis and commentary on Survivor since Survivor: Vanuatu with the infamous Murtz. She gets the game and has paid attention to all of the changes in the game. She knows what she did wrong last time and will be gunning to fix it.

Amanda:

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Our favorite blurred out chick from Survivor: China is back. With Parvati and Eliza in the mix, you will see exactly what I’m talking about with Amanda Kimmel. She’s not really that tight. Wait…you don’t recognize her?

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How’s that? This was the angle the camera men preferred. I wonder if she had time between seasons to realize she needs more appropriate clothing so she doesn’t spend this entire season behind the blur.

Let’s check out the new chicks of Survivor…they brought some winners here too:

Mary:

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Damn, I see Mary Sartain went to the Vida Guerra school of dipping yourself in sand for pictures. She’s a pro in more ways than one. I hope her game is as tight as she looks. We need her to stay around for a while, she…ummmmm…looks entertaining.

Natalie:

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Well at least Natalie Bolton thinks Natalie Bolton is sexy. She looks like drama. Why would you make that face in your picture? I bet all her friends have a stack full of pictures that look just like this. Hilarious. She’s out early, I can tell.

Tracy:

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Pass Tracy Hughes-Wolf the botox…damn. I wonder if she can express emotion from the nose up? Yikes. Seriously, she either lifts weights with her jaw, or she got one last botox treatment trying to look her best on tv. What’s up with the Wolf in the hyphenated last name? There are real people with the real last name Wolf out there? Or is it this guy?

Alexis:

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Here’s the obligatory sweet girl next door. Alexis Jones could go either way. I can’t really tell what she’s working with from this pic. I know before even looking that she’s from the south. Just checked…it’s Texas.

You see Jeff didn’t send his girl Julie Berry back into the fray. Hell, I still need a gratuitous Julie pic.

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Well, those are the ladies. The vets also bring back Johnny Fairplay, James from Survivor: China, Ozzy, and my man, your man, the inventor of the fake immunity idol…Yau-Man.

Gonna be a good one. Stay tuned.

-Brock

==============Update=============

Brock you forgot one necessary Survivor Hottie: Jenna Lewis.  I mean, babe was so ill, they brought her back for Survivor All-Stars.

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Not bad, but what really puts her over the top is that sex tape that I haven’t seen but which can be viewed on a NSFW basis right HERE.  You be the judge, because now you’ve got the information.  Is it Parvati without the goods or Jenna who you know is willing to go the ahem extra mile.

– Lake

Do you got love for New York?

January 16, 2008

Well, I know the answer for one of our most loyal readers, Bee Eh, sitting there in money making Manhattan with a fresh cup of joe, one egg beater, cardboard looking and tasting bread and a creatine tablet for breakfast as he peeps the site this morning. HA He does NOT have love for her, but it seems that 1. He doesn’t have all the necessary information and 2. New York has plenty of ahem “love” to give. Who knows, maybe we can change his mind.

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Hey, I’m not really sure how we got here. I mean, Tiffany Pollard aka New York has really worked the system for all it’s worth. Let’s face it, before she got dissed for Hoopz back in the day and then acted a fool when Flav went with Deelishis, nobody gave a hot damn about Tiffany from Syracuse. Anyway, you come up for breath and realize that 4 shows later, the chick NY is a known commodity in entertainment. Not only that, but her show supposedly pulls huge numbers for VH1.

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But even with all her perverse success, I just have a feeling that she’s still missing something in her portfolio of good deeds. Hmm, oh yes, a SEX TAPE!!! Right, nothing really dots that I or crosses those T’s like a legitimate sex tape to really show the people what you’re made of.

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We really could use that Hoopz sex tape by the way. Oh yes and UvT research has just told me that the Hoopz sex tape is indeed on it’s way and fully in production. Makes sense. Hoopz hasn’t raised her profile one iota since her Flavor of Love stint. We’ll holler back on that topic when the time is right.

Well, UvT has obtained this link to the alleged sex tape with Tiffany Pollard and as always, we have a no watch policy, but I’ve heard that the babe in the video bares an uncanny resemblance to Ms. New York. And she’s letting a white dude murk it too. Not sure how I feel about that…After all, she’s pretty damn terrible. Nah, I think I’ll just ignore that and focus on the fact that one of Lake’s brothers from another mother did in fact knock up Halle Berry… And Brock didn’t even say a word. Lol. Here’s the Not Safe For Work link to a site that has the I Love New York Sex Tape. Dammit, I say it’s her.

– Lake

Can’t be: Reggie and Kimmy K engaged?

January 3, 2008

Come on now. Why in the hell would Reggie Bush ever get engaged to Kim Kardashian?

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OK, fair enough, Kim is in fact pretty dope, even if she has been completely overexposed (NSFW). I’m on record as saying that she’s definitely the real thing. I also believe that she’s au natural, which adds a considerable amount of juice to her resume if you ask me.

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At any rate, Reggie Bush can’t be engaged to this chick. It’s just not possible. Kim isn’t the babe you go out and buy an engagement ring for. She’s the chick you get drunk with, knock off in a hotel room in Vegas, temporarily lose your mind with and then perhaps make a run for one of those silly drive thru wedding chapels right before you fill out those annulment papers.

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In other words, at this point, nobody with a sound mind ever gets engaged or married to Kim unless they want her for her loot cakes. Why would you? You can continue to get the Ray J level love without making any guarantees at all. And if you’re Reggie Bush, shoot, 2 years deep into the NFL, Kimmy K should just be an appetizer for a 7 course meal.

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That’s right, get at it Reg. Personally, I think Reggie should be getting ready to trade up for Kim’s older sister Kourtney. To me, she’s always been intriging, just as fine only without the verifiable porno, past hubby and “used to f*ck” Ray J and Nick Cannon baggage.

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I like it.

-Lake

Nominations for UvT Man and Woman of the Year

December 17, 2007

It’s getting close to that time. The year is coming to a close and of course, we have to go ahead and begin the painstaking task of crowning our people of the year. So please, by all means, send us your nominations for UvT man and woman of the year. It’s a merit based award and as always, we’re keeping it positive. No, Bullshit Cat of the Year. Worst Song of the Year, Terrible Chick of the Year. Or Muthafucka of the Year.. nah. This is all going to be high level, thoughtful and of course, classy. ha

Let me just kick it off. I, Lake Arlington, MD, nominate Noelia for woman of the year. Let me explain. Noelia is still bad as shit. I mean, BAD!!! The babe is just ridiculous and she brings a diversity of looks. She can hit you from the top angle.

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Show it from back.

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Shoot it from the hip.

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Take it high.

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Keep it Low.

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And for those who don’t know, she’s got finishing moves. They may be NSFW, but they are indeed impressive. Seriously, this aint a triple threat, this babe can hit you from any and every angle at any time, period. And peep how her look changes up, but no matter what it is, it’s still dope.

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She can go fast, take the thing slow, get sentimental:

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And she can go artistic.

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Plus she can sing, allegedly. I haven’t gotten that far with my analysis of the babe, but hell, even her mother has some thangs going on.

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Tell me another woman who has given this site so much and yet asked for so little in return? I mean, I’m not even sure she speaka the English and I like it that way.  I mean, just look at those pictures. Baby girl is sensual, seductive, hot as all hell and ready to rock. Now, how do I know she’s ready to rock? Or better put, how do I know that in addition to running that 4.3 40 yard dash, having that 43 inch vertical and being able to bench 380 20 times that she can still play this game at the highest of levels? Because I saw that damn sex tape ( NSFW).

I’ve seen the babe in action and let me tell you, she’s a BEAST. I mean, look, I didn’t actually see the tape, of course, but I heard that she was just giving the camera every single thing it wanted and jsut when you thought you saw what you needed to see, she took it to that Not Safe For Work NEXT level. WOW. The full video can be found here and it’s aggressive. So there you have it.

Indeed, Noelia is my first nomination of UvT Woman of the Year. If you have any thoughts, comments or nominations of your own, drop us a commet.
– Lake

Is Paris Hilton still hot?

November 15, 2007

Or better put, was she ever? I’m not a big Paris guy and never really have been. I can’t lie, I’m turned on by her money, but there’s really nothing else aside from the dough that I couldn’t pick up in just about any local club, Walmart or trailer park.

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Hell or maybe one that looks a little bit better, like ole girl above.  Shoot, I can’t lie, I kinda like the fit and feel of Fake Paris in this canary number.  Let’s not fool ourselves though, shit can definitely get worse when civilians try to do what Paris does:

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Whatever the case, the babe is just uninspiring and just imagine how irrelevant she’ll be when she’s, say, 30. Anyway, her process of irrelevancy might be accelerating with these recent pics of her improperly working this stripper pole.

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Boring. This too.

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Trash. Come on now, bend ova to the front, touch ya toes, girl! There’s nothing worse in the world than a bad freak or underachieving hoe.

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Get your game tight babe. I’m just done. This chick needs to have a baby, get married and divorced, go into rehab or go back to jail because whatever she’s giving me now just isn’t very interesting. Now I can’t lie. Her antics in that sex tape, that was interesting (NSFW).

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I mean, did yall see how that cat Rick Solomon was just putting it on her? I mean, really telling her what to do, what he wanted, what she was gonna do… Really letting her have it and getting his silver polished the whole way. Now see, because of my respect for women, normally I wouldn’t ever post something like this. But we all know Paris put that tape out on purpose, so let’s just keep the party going.

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Damn Rick, you didn’t have to get so gangster with it homey….Either Rick is a pimp, after all he bagged Pam Anderson too, or Paris is a silly chick with a famous name, tons of jack and a few prescription pills to keep everyone honest.. Either way, I’m ready for the next phase or at least the next sex tape. Hop to it.

– Lake

Cop Makes a Bust…of Deez Nuts In Ya Mouf!

October 17, 2007

Wow this is great. Cop Randy Moss (no relation…maybe?) was driving through Nashville, TN, when he makes a traffic stop on a car doing 92 in a 70. During the stop, he finds out the driver was drunk and had some illegal pills in the car…lucky for her she was also porn star Barbie Cummings. I don’t know if she identified herself, or if the cop recognized her:

Cop: “well gaaaaawl leee. If it ain’t my lucky day! Ain’t you that miss Barbie Cummings from all mah favorite video tapes?”

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Nice Mohawk Randy. Honestly, what the hell is that?

Well it looks like she had some pills in her car and Mr. Moss offered up a solution. The good ol “You get off..if I get off.” Since she is a professional (who knew porn stars were on imdb?) and this was just one more random dizzle to twizzle, she agreed. Ms. Cummings seems to specialize in the interracial side of the business, so this was probably as easy as getting down a quick hors d’ouvres when she’s used to dealing with entire sides of beef (my bad Lake, but it’s true).

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What the trooper didn’t know was that Miss Barbie also has a blog, and wrote about it. Yeah Randy, that isn’t the proper way to get ‘er done there buddy.

Actually, maybe it IS how you get ‘er done, because this cat taped it. Are you kidding me? This is crazy. Bad Cop News has all the links you could possibly want on the topic. I mean videos, still pictures, links to the blog and it is all NSFW. My goodness. I mean I didn’t go, but that’s what I hear. Um, that Barbie is putting in work too, she is well versed in her profession.  Was that a nose ring?  Is that the damn police radio in the background?!?!?  That is some BOLD sh*t right  there.  Here’s the worst part, after this story *ahem*, came out, a dozen other women came forth to say that Randy pulled the old “lick it or ticket”, just show me one t*tty, move on them too. Randy indeed!

Nice work officer!

-Brock