Archive for the ‘Man Up Monday’ Category

Man Up Monday: The Morehouse Man

May 19, 2008

Or is that the Man of Morehouse?  You all know that Morehouse is the pinnacle of the Black college experience.  They are a proud, proud bunch of men.

You’ve got every kind of brother here.  Bowtie Brother.  Proud sweatshirt Brother.  Dreadlock brother.  Successful business brother…and if I wear this suit I’ll look like a successful business brother.  I think when you get there you are a Man of Morehouse, and when you leave you are a Morehouse Man.  Or maybe it is the other way around.  The funny thing is it works both ways…that shit doesn’t make sense.

Well either way there are some brothers at Morehouse who are not happy this morning.  Here is the 2008 valedictorian, Joshua Packwood.

Awwwwwww damn.  Is nothing sacred?  The white boy came in and dropped a 4.0 on Morehouse.  Morehouse man, man of Morehouse.  Nobody wanted to step up and box this dude out?  You know, make him pledge Que or something so his grades would get jacked up for a semester.

You know the proud sisters of Spelman also thought they had found the ultimate white boy who appreciated Black culture.  You know ol’ Josh had his killer crossover game tight.  Even the most bohemian, poetry slamming, natural hair wearing sister gave Josh some play.

So this is to the men of Morehouse.  You can’t let this happen again. Dude was probably an African-American studies major.  You cats need to Man Up on this one.  Make some study groups.  Let the power of Black Pride make you wake up in the morning.  You can’t just let a white boy roll up in the spot and establish himself as an authority on Black Culture.  You can’t let him legitimize himself as the best of what Black institutions have to offer.  First, you let a white boy do that, then next thing you know they are trying to take over the world.  Is nothing sacred?  Wait a minute.  I just realized…I’ve got to go have a talk with Lake…dammit!

-Brock

————UPDATE————–

How did I miss the fact that this dude’s last name is “Packwood”?  Is there anything more pimpin’ than that?  With a name like that he was definitely up on the sisters.  Is there a better white boy trying to pick up a sister name than that? 

Spelman Sister: I don’t know.  I’ve never dated a white boy before.  I don’t know what that’s like.

JP:  My last name is Packwood, baby.  Pack.  Wood.  Know what I’m sayin’?  I think I might have something you’ll like.

In fact, the interns were able to pull a pic of Playa Packwood and his girlfriend off the internets.

Josh is rocking the full on shadow and the bad girlfriend who I’ve got on good authority would fall into the “Us” category of body type.  Nice work Josh!

By the way, Lake and I were discussing why a white dude as valedictorian of Morehouse hasn’t happened before.  We realized that most white boys who bring the kind of academic heat to be valedictorian at a major academic institution probably isn’t electing to go get that “cultural experience” over at Morehouse.  They are either down the street at Georgia Tech or they took that ride to Athens to chill between the hedges at Georgia.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Atlanta Hawks

May 5, 2008

Well, I guess the Celtics caught the UvT warning yesterday because they beat the Hawks down like they were talking about their mama. The Celtics jumped all over the Hawks like…

I know I said that the Celtics were on the verge of the Man Up Monday of the year, and they handled their business. But now, I gotta talk about the Atlanta Hawks becuase they shouldn’t have caught that kind of beatdown in a game seven.

Marvin Williams got ejected.

MIke Bibby went out like a cat.

Look, the only time of the game it is okay for your team to be down by half of what the other team has is sometime in the first quarter. You know 8-4…maybe even 20-10. The Hawks were down 34-68 late in the third quarter. You know how you can do things at your pedestrian job that is not professional? You know, get in a fight with your wife/girlfriend on the office phone. Telling Carla from accounting how good her ass looks in them jeans? Well in the NBA, catching an asswhooping like that…is not professional.

KG, LeBron ain’t going out like that. You best believe he is going to try to crush you before he even gets to game 7.

Good Luck.

Atlanta Hawks…you finished four games below .500 and inexplicably still made the playoffs. You got the number 1 seed to game seven and folded. Atlanta hasn’t made the playoffs since 1999 and might not be back until 2019. You had your shot. You all need to…

MAN UP!

Oops, I guess you needed this a few hours ago.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Chad Johnson

April 28, 2008

Since the end of last season, Chad Johnson, Mr. Ocho Cinco, Mr. Touchdown celebration, is been saying he wants out of Cincinnati. A few weeks ago, when there had not been an movement Chad demanded a trade, saying he would not play for the Bengals anymore, trade or not. He’s got it all planned out, right? It was a few weeks ahead of the draft, he’s a future Hall of Famer, and one of the premier receivers in the league. But wait, Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis apparently doesn’t play that shit.

Marv went on and hit Chad with that “brother please”. Marvin called him out and said you want to sit out? Be a man of your word and sit out. How do you feel about that Chad?

For those of you who can’t read faces…that look above is known as the “Oh Shit”. Yeah Chad, Marvin is calling your bluff. Chad you signed a contract extension just two years ago for an additional $35.5 million that extends for another three years. That means you’ll be leaving at least $7 Million on the table this year.

To prove it, the Bengals went on ahead and drafted a gang of wide receivers to cover their ass. Hey Marvin, which way should Chad go to find the Bengals locker room?

Haaaaaaa. Marvin doesn’t give a damn. He’s like an old gangster. “Chad is dead to me”. He’s already looking toward the horizon and will let Chad rot at home if he doesn’t want to suit up. So the ball is in Chad’s court and right now it is Marvin Lewis – 1, Chad Johnson – 0. Here’s the position Chad will be playing next season…left out.

I guess Marvin wasn’t on your infamous list of people you can beat.

Chad, Marvin has completely called you out and the ball is in your court. I don’t know what you are going to do next, so this Man Up isn’t even from me. Marv is calling you out, he’s pulling your card, he demands that you MAN UP!

What ya gonna do Chad?

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Brad Daughetry

April 21, 2008

Now that the NBA Playoffs are on, I’m watching even more ESPN than normal. (Is that possible?) So all the networks have their A-Team rolled out for coverage. I’m watching Sportscenter and see this man on screen.

That’s right, Brad Daughterty. The Number 1 draft pick in 1986 to the Cleveland Cavs. Five time all-star. Career 19 and 9 guy. Solid, solid player. So I’m expecting some in depth analysis of the big men in the hunt for the championship, but nooooooo, all of a sudden we’re talking about the Road Track at Talladega or wherever the hell NASCAR was racing this weekend. NASCAR? Seven foot tall Brad Daugherty is the NASCAR correspondent?

How did this go down?

Hey Brad, you want to work for ESPN?

Yeah? Great. Ummmmmm, we need you to cover NASCAR.

I feel you Brad. That is why you should have manned on up and said. F That! I’m not doing it. So here’s what I want you to do. Head to Bristol, Connecticut. Go find whoever gave you this crazy ass assignment. raised your right hand up as high as you can (it should be right around 9 feet in the air) and slap the shit out of that dude Then report directly to the Cavs-Wizards game tonight at 7.

MAN UP!

-Brock

Man Up Monday: The Carolina Tarheels

April 7, 2008

Oh you knew it was coming.  Sure, my boys tapped out of the Tourney two weeks ago, but that doesn’t change the fact that I revel in the pain of the Carolina fan, so here we go.  When did this game end?  Long about three minutes into the first half?  With six minutes left in the first half, the Tarheels has 12 points, twelve points.  No slow down, read that again.  A dozen points.  They made six jumpers.  In a Final Four game.  Way to come out of the gates hard fellas, you really did the ACC proud.  hat ought to be great for our RPI next year.

At one point, the Jayhawks were up by 28 points.  Even when UNC tried to make the comeback in the second half, they were already waaaaaay too far behind.

I guess they needed a little more Danny Green:

Maybe they should have let Roy get some…

Maybe they should have broken out the full on Hammer pants.

Maybe they should have had a V8.

HA!

-Brock

Man Up Monday

March 31, 2008

On the last day of March we have a very special March Madness edition of Man Up Monday. I’ve got to send a big Man Up to all of the cats who didn’t have the balls to pick all four number one seeds to make the Final Four.

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Your boy Brock has all four seeds left in the Final Four.  I know, I know all you punks think taking all four Number 1 seeds is actually the b*tch move.  Well how about this, you can talk all the junk you want until I’m right.  Don’t double think yourself here, think about it.  Anyone who makes their choices based on the individual games and sees that they end up with four #1 seeds usually goes back and makes some changes.  I pushed on through and rode that baby to the top of my pool.

Lake was actually at the top of the UvT office rankings until I blazed him up today.  The big money is to win the whole pool, but I won this by picking the Final Four.

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Oh yeah, been pimpin’ since pimpn’ been pimpin.

Second place goes to Steph Curry and whoever that cat was who ended up taking that last shot in the Davidson-Kansas game.

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By the way, did anyone else see Stephen Curry’s moms?  Damn Dell Curry, way to get all the mileage out of that mediocre career.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: NCAA Basketball Coach Edition

March 17, 2008

In honor of the NCAA Tournament, this weeks Man-Up Monday is a tribute to the coaches who really went out like some punks this weekend. First, let’s talk about Dennis Felton of Georgia.

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So here’s the situation. The SEC tournament was delayed because of tornadoes in downtown Atlanta. So what was the solution? They scheduled the games in the Georgia Tech stadium and didn’t invite anyone to actually come to the games. But Georgia had to play two games in one day. So after they win game one, in between games they go to the post game interview with Dennis Felton and he basically gives up on his team saying that having two games in one day is going to keep him out of the tournament. He straight GAVE UP ON HIS SQUAD. Thanks coach. Not only that, but his job was on the line. Felton was supposed to get fired if he didn’t make the tournament. That means he gave up on himself too. Here’s the kicker…his team WON the second game of the day, and last night wrapped up the SEC Championship.. Once again, thanks for believing in us coach.  On a side note, why is he rocking that old school Billy Dee Williams, Lando Calrissian style mustache?  Man Up!

Man Up part 2:

Check this call by the Kentucky coach:

He was down by three and didn’t want Georgia to go for the intentional miss, so he had his player goaltend the shot. Wellllll, the rule is that the shot counts anyway, putting his team down by four and his guy got the tech. It isn’t in this clip, but the look on that players face when he realized that his coach just gave away the game was priceless. Coach, Man Up, Box Out and take the shot to win the game like a man. You tried to break the rules of the game. Not going to happen that way buddy.

Bonus Man Up:

Goes to Clark Kellogg for picking all four number one seeds as his Final Four.

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UCLA, UNC, Memphis, and Kansas? Way to go out on a limb, buddy. That is really some crack analysis you broke out there. Grow a pair Clark. Also, if you are going to rock the “forced baldy” (where you have the bald head not because you wanted to shave it, but because your hair was retreating already) you’ve got to keep your shape up tight. You can’t rock the George Jefferson pattern stubble.

Thanks…and Fellas….MAN UP!

-Brock

And Now For Something New…Man Up Monday

March 10, 2008

It feels so good when inspiration strikes. When you sit straight up in the middle of the night, mind racing because you have an idea, something that can help people, something that can change the world…

Here at Us Versus Them, we are ready to give back. We are ready to use our power to touch people, to improve this great nation and the world. How will we do it? Man Up Monday. Our first project?

Mario.

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Well damn…where do I start? The silky shirt? The high pants? Those slippery looking shoes? The fact that it looks like his head was photoshopped on to his neck? All that glitter, or magma, or sparkles or whatever the hell that is in the background?

Let’s start here. You can’t go by one name when your name is so damn common. You have to have something unique like Madonna, like Beyonce, even Usher. When I say “Mario”, I’m thinking there is about a 0% chance that the first person you think of is this dude. If you like to eat you probably think of this guy, or if like gay comedians, this guy. The other 90% of the world thinks of this guy:

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Anyway, black, skinny Mario is on dancing with the stars. As long as he doesn’t start highstepping and sliding like Jerry Rice he may leave this experience with some part of his pride intact. Look, I can’t hate too hard, check out his lady.

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Cute, huh? Well, Brock knows her from back in the day. Back when she was just a young model trying to make it, butt naked riding bikes. Here’s a tame version, I’m sure you can find worse (better?).

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Anyway, unlike last season, when Mel B brought me out of the woodwork to at least get a feel for the show, I will not be catching a single solitary second of Dancing With the Stars this year.

Mario…Man Up!

-Brock

====================Update=========================

Uh, Brock. Now, I won’t come out here and disagree with you directly, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say that when a man is hitting this:

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(This babe is alike a doper Alicia Keyes.. yikes)

You can call him Cleetus for all I care… I mean, hot dammit, that’s his lady? Shit, maybe this “going hard thing” hasn’t been working for me. I’m a star, loyal reader KIR in NV told me so. Maybe I need to be on dancing with the stars, get me some Ricca love.

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WOW. Man up player? Seems to me he’s got that thing sufficiently covered where it matters, don’t ya think? Damn a man up, if I don’t stop looking at this babe you’re gonna have to come into my office with some smelling salts because it’s about be “Man Down Monday”… That little tan dress up top wasn’t telling the whole truth. Keepin it real..

– Lake