Archive for the ‘Kim Kardashian’ Category

Throw some Ds: Aubrey from Danity Kane

January 23, 2008

UPDATE:  CHECK OUT OUT NEW COVERAGE OF MAKING THE BAND 4, Season 2, Episode 1 right HERE.

Damn, remember when little Aubrey was just a sexy young girl with the smooth stomach and open mind trying to make Diddy’s band?

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Damn near precious. Don’t get me wrong now, all of us fellas knew she had that little freak in her waiting to get out, but damn, if that era was zero, then you have to regard her current look as 60.

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Got damn. I don’t mean to be vulgar but it looks like they literally just pulled the mic out of her mouth 2 seconds post checkin and snapped the picture while the emotion was still fresh in her mind and lip pieces. And what’s with those Js sitting on double Ds? My word, baby is packing the thunder up front like the Patriots offensive line all of a sudden. For real, if they had some “I am Legend” freaknasty adaptation, this babe and her vacant, all I do is cut look, would fit the bill of a sexed out zombie perfectly.

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It’s weird. I mean, I know that I like it, but I can’t tell how much. Damn homies, this shot doesn’t even look like her. Anyway, the enhanced cans were pretty predictable, actually. It was really all that was missing. Not getting that upgrade would be pretty shocking now that I think about it. Peep the old Aubrey from her first Blender spread:

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With the exception of that wildness she’s got hanging off her naval, I’m completely with it. It looks like Aubrey from Making the Band/Danity Kane not Christina Aguilera 2.0.

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Now I can’t lie.. I liked that shot. Smooth thigh, tight midsection, J coming out to the left, parsed lips for your consideration, freakiness in the eye and vacancy in the brain… Pretty good. I just wonder what influenced her to flow like this.

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Ahh, Kimmy K strikes again. Clearly she’s moving farther and father away from her supposed best friend Audrina who likes to keep it girl next door clean. At any rate, all of these developments are good stuff in light of the next installment of Making the Band 4. Word on the street is that the guys, Danity Kane and Donny will all be competing to make new albums. Yeah, it sounds pretty cheap but I’m quite sure it will have some cuttin’ for tracks by Aubrey and hatin’ from Robert’s on again off again lady who doesn’t like the idea of D. Woods near her man.

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Lady, I can’t lie, you’ve got a few things going on, but that “Drama King” line you hit Rob with back in the day, I just can’t ever forgive you for saying it or him for putting up with all that lip.. Sorry, you lost me on that one.

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Then you know there will be all types of “Is he gay is he not” shenanigans from Q and the supposedly married Brian A. I like the show concept in principle because of all the potential subplots, but we’ll see. Oh and for all you Brian H. fans out there, whatever happened to that burgeoning career yall were predicting after he got the Puff ax piece? Oh he hasn’t been signed yet? Naaaah…

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Maybe homey can come out with a new line of hair products for recovering dreads addicts called “Nu Cesar”… I don’t know. I just wonder where all these dread lock cats are working. Come on now, there aint that many IT jobs in America… 😉

– Lake

I think it’s getting bigger…

January 10, 2008

Maybe it’s just me, but I actually think Kim Kardashian’s ass piece is getting larger.

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Pretty incredible actually. You know you’ve got a big ass when that’s the news story. I mean, no matter how many different dressings you put on this chick’s posterior, it never ceases to amaze and she loves it. ha Reggie Bush is the man! I mean, you’d think this stuff gets old, but it just never does (not for me at least). Let me remind you, that was her back, this is her front.

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Incidentally, you gotta appreciate the position of Kim’s hands in this pic.  Believe me Kimmy, we’re all on the same page on this one.  And this is her waist.

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Stupid. The babe is a LeBron James like phenom. Haters may want to hate and lovers wanna love, but I aint talking ’bout, none of the above men wanna kiss on you – yes they do, they’ll kiss on you they’ll be on you…. Ha terrible.

– Lake

Can’t be: Reggie and Kimmy K engaged?

January 3, 2008

Come on now. Why in the hell would Reggie Bush ever get engaged to Kim Kardashian?

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OK, fair enough, Kim is in fact pretty dope, even if she has been completely overexposed (NSFW). I’m on record as saying that she’s definitely the real thing. I also believe that she’s au natural, which adds a considerable amount of juice to her resume if you ask me.

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At any rate, Reggie Bush can’t be engaged to this chick. It’s just not possible. Kim isn’t the babe you go out and buy an engagement ring for. She’s the chick you get drunk with, knock off in a hotel room in Vegas, temporarily lose your mind with and then perhaps make a run for one of those silly drive thru wedding chapels right before you fill out those annulment papers.

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In other words, at this point, nobody with a sound mind ever gets engaged or married to Kim unless they want her for her loot cakes. Why would you? You can continue to get the Ray J level love without making any guarantees at all. And if you’re Reggie Bush, shoot, 2 years deep into the NFL, Kimmy K should just be an appetizer for a 7 course meal.

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That’s right, get at it Reg. Personally, I think Reggie should be getting ready to trade up for Kim’s older sister Kourtney. To me, she’s always been intriging, just as fine only without the verifiable porno, past hubby and “used to f*ck” Ray J and Nick Cannon baggage.

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I like it.

-Lake

Kim Kardashian Going to Jail!

November 22, 2007

For trying to smuggle two hams out a store in LA.

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I think she might have some stuffing in there too.

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Awww, isn’t that cute? It’s almost like she’s adjusting a video camera for her sex tape. It seems so nostalgic. Like a throwback pose.

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Happy Thanksgiving, save the big piece of Turkey for me.

-Brock

The Ladies: Since we’ve been gone

November 21, 2007

Look, Lake the Don has been busy handling a lil bitniz, but I figured I’d let yall understand a few things about the world we live in because the more things change, the more they stay the same. First off, Kim Kardashian is still smoking hot and she still has plenty of ass for the rest of black Hollywood and NYC to get at.

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Enjoy fellas . Beyonce continues to impress.

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“Damn, rest in peace Apollo Creed, she’s a monster, everyday is Halloween.”

Wow, if she could just get a believable and consistent wig game, I’d be really ready to certify her as a UvT level babe. I mean, I know most of the star’s hair is fake, but B just takes it all to a whole different level. Speaking of different level, I just never get tired of posting up these Jessica Biel pictures.

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(does it get any better?)

Nice. Oh and we found out Britney was f*cking when she was 14… I know ones of people are shocked at that. Come on now, she was cutting in the trailer of her first video shoot. She’s a freak and though yall may not like to admit it, freak doesn’t know any age.. Come on, the first single was called “Hit me baby one more time.” That was no accident. Hell, even her promotional “innocent” shots were freakum joints.

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Clearly Brit was ahem “all in” during this era. What are you going to tell me next, that she got breast implants?

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Remember that first video, she just came in kicking and wilin out in that little school girl outfit?

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I know, I know, she was empowering young women. It was just an extension of girl power… It was a statement. Right. Well, yall are kinda right, she was powerful.

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Finally, I’ll post this up because I know plenty of you degenerates out there don’t care if a babe is virtual or in you warm embrace. Lake, he likes the real thing. That’s why I don’t get with these digitized hotties, but I know plenty of you have a jones for this Naked E-Angelina Jolie, so here you go.

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I hope you enjoy. That aint here though. Uncensored joints which I can’t really say are NSFW are HERE.

– Lake

‘Tastefully done’ pics of Kim Kardashian’s naked arse in Playboy

October 28, 2007

“Well, the entire shoot was tastefully done and I had complete artistic control… and the photographer, Buck Naked, went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. It was great to work with those guys. I’m really proud of the shots”.

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Isn’t that always what they say in those interviews when they’re promoting the smut shots? You know, they’re sitting on the couch with Tyra or Ellen, in some conservative suit, looking like they’re about to run for President of the PTA or something. It’s so hilarious. Just admit it, you laid down for a skin rag. Nobody really cares. Embrace it, this guy has.

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(For real doe, if Hef aint the smoothest cat ever, tell me who is)

What’s hilarious about all this is that the message coming out of those skin rag shoots is always so consistent. Here’s a not completely unsafe for work shot.

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Hef must give these chicks a post flesh handbook titled “I just laid down for a skin rag: how to minimize my hoe status.” Anyway, these pics aren’t UvT quality, but the breast-tah-sis and ass depicted in it is, so there you have it…And here are the rest of the naked ass pictures of Kim Kardashian’s boobs, titties, ass, tailpiece, breasts, badonkadonk (for all you cornball soccer moms)….oh I got one, money-maker <—– nothing more true has ever been uttered on this site. She disappointed me with the way she took it from Ray J, not that I saw it, but from what I heard, her show is generally terrible and without passion or interest, but she did rock a decent mic check and the arse and ‘boobs’ (for my YT brethren) don’t lie. Here are the NSFW pics. Enjoy. We’ll post up better ones when we get a chance.

– Lake

Keeping up with the Kardashians: Terrible Show

October 24, 2007

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Ok, this will be short and sweet. After a lot of travel I finally got to a point in my tivo backlog where I could take the time to watch Kim Kardashian’s reality show, Keeping up with the Kardashians. And true to form, Kim’s second television experience was about as lame and uninspiring as her first (yes, for the ones of you who didn’t peep that sex tape, it was pretty boring…well, not all of it was boring, NSFW) one with Ray J.

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Anyway, what I’ve learned is pretty simple.

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(When you’re dealing with Kimmy K, what you see if what you get, nothing but titties and ass)

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The chick is crazy hot and her mama was an innovator by providing the world with that extraordinary breast to waist to ass ratio, so we can only hate but so much on the Kardashians in general.

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Believe you me, it was unlike anything we had ever previously seen on a white woman, but ultimately, mom dukes passed something else on to Kimmy K, a complete and utter lack of personality, swagger and juice! Damn, it’s so disappointing. How can a babe be so good in still shots and so bad in action? I guess we can’t have it all. She looks the damn part, but this babe makes Paris Hilton look like she’s actually got some talent and charisma. I mean, a complete wet blanket on the screen… and the writing for this show.. come on now. “This is my stripper pole that mom and Bruce got me for my birthday, now I’ll rip the dress my sister told me not to wear and let my other sister, who is 12 years old mind you, get up on the pole so that she might be able to propel herself into super ho status before she leaves middle school too…” I know, controversial and shocking and sooooo unscripted. Hey, this show makes The Hills look like a cutting edge, innovative drama with real people and real relationships. What a joke!

On a brighter note, both of her other sisters, even the one who looks like Chyna from the WWE, have ass too. I am especially fond of of Kourtney, who is a slimmed down and arguably prettier version of Kim, but still with tail piece you know and love.

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All in all, the sad truth is that I don’t want to keep up with the Kardashians anymore than I already do, namely, seeing them in sex tapes, still shots and on nude playboy shoots. And Bruce Jenner on this show? Absolutely terrible. I think they got confused when they added that fool onto the cast, even if he is their stepfather.

Damn, it was sad to see ole Bruce fall off like he has. I mean, this cat was the signature athlete in the 80s.

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Now he belongs on Dr. 90210 under the botched sun bathing and wrinkle removal.

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Oh how the mighty have fallen. I mean, he may in fact be the first male cougar with that orangish hue, torrible haircut/wig piece, ghastly gear and blatantly obvious diminished sense of self worth. Bottom line, we’ve got a reality tv bonanza on our hands out here with Tila Tequila, the Bachelor and I Love New York. This show just didn’t make the cut. I’ll watch one more episode, but if I don’t see some ode to Kardashian ass, Ray J does Dallas part duex or Kim channels Superhead (some more) part 6, I’m turning that shit off and never watching it, much less talking about it, again.

– Lake

What’s with the high pants?

October 4, 2007

I know you ladies may like them and I’m sure they’re the “in” winter fashion, but I’m not liking what I’m seeing with these high pants out here.

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(Ok, her’s actually look decent, but we all know why Keyes needs that. She’s one ham sammich away yall, just one)

It’s just an epidemic.

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They are not sexy to me, and isn’t that all the really matters? Hmm, don’t get me wrong, some people make it work. Look at Kim Kardashian working these joints:

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Lovely. But they don’t come off nearly as nice on others. Ole Ms. Can’t dance Rihanna goes to it all the time and I’m just not impressed.

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So does Kelly Rowland.

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See, I like my Kelly Ro with as low rise as the rise can go. Now tell me she doesn’t look better here than she did before:

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Hard to argue with that. How about lower.. definitely gotta take it low!

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Silky smooth yall, silkay smoove! At any rate, I guess they’re kind of novel on yall, but it’s just like everything else the look will be high jacked by terrible broads and turned into a cover up for chicks who are trying to get over:

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(Umm well, in this shot it’s ok, but I can tell that she just didn’t make it with this get up in person.  How do I know she didn’t?  Believe me, I know, I know.)

Or worse, because we all know it will lead to the inevitable.

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(Ah-ha, hush that fuss, errybody move to the back of the bus, Geez)

Bottom line, tight is right. If you’re big, you need to keep the clothes as close to your body as possible, lest you end up looking like a mack truck walking up into the club. If you’re thin, you just look like you’re lost up in that outfit when you go high pants or baggy dress. Take it from Christina Milian:

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Now that’s how you rock a dress. Love ya babe.

– Lake

I Hate T-Pain

September 13, 2007

But I can’t stop listening to his music.

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It all started with that damn “I’m in love with a stripper”. Is there a b#tchier title than that? You can’t fall in love with a stripper! I mean your player card will get taken immediately upon a violation of that magnitude. I’d turn the radio station every damn time it came on. Then they got me when they put Twista and aRa Kelly on the remix and I couldn’t resist. “Plus we got a lot in common, she’s a stripper, I’m a freak” might be R. Kelly’s best line of the last four or five years…right behind “I order one bottle, then I F*ck with one model, then I order more bottles, now I got more models“. But I digress. Then there was that damn “I’m Sprung”, same damn thing. There is just something terrible about that cat’s perspective on life. I think it starts with that cat-azz look in dude’s eyes.

His album is called Rappa Ternt Sanga…for real. Spelled just like that.  I’m not making that up.

But now the guy is back and every damn where. “I’m a Flirt”, The “Same Girl” Remix, “Outta My System”, “Know What I’m Doing”, and “Buy You a Drank”. Then there is Bartender. I can’t stop listening to this damn song.

“She made us drinks, to drink…we drunk em, got drunk. And now I know she thinks I’m cooooooool”. Well damn that makes sense.

OK, here’s my problem. Has anyone ever heard this dude’s real speaking voice? Does he always sound like he is hooked up to the plastic tube of a synth machine like a low budget Roger and Zapp? What the hell does he do in concert?

Fine, I’ve got two problems. It goes back to that “ain’t right” look in his eyes. How do I put this? OK, if there was a song that didn’t need any more people invited to the swordfight, it was “Same Girl” with R. Kelly and Usher. The song is about two dudes messing with the same chick, did T-Pain really think it was a good idea to jump into that bedroom? Even worse, when the Ray-J and Kim Kardashian Sex Tape dropped, T-Pain comes out with a quote about it. Is it about how Kimmy K’s booty cheek tucks on the top as well as the bottom?

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Noooooo. T-Pain is talking about how Ray-J must really be “swangin”. And I quote:

“Not too many guys can go after Ray J. The man got a huge meat, ok. He’s short, the man is packing. He’s got length on him. I got the width. Shit is wide. He got a foot on him. Man have a foot on him. Much respect to Ray. Man to man. No homo. Ya’ll seen that shit. Ya’ll know the man’s swanging.”

WTF is that?

I can’t take it. Oh and by the way, you can’t say “no homo” when you say something blantantly gay. It is properly used when you merely say something slightly ironically gay, like “Let me get a Big Mac. No homo”. Not “the man got huge meat”, it just doesn’t work.

Mike Hart, what do you think about that?

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I really can’t take it.

-Brock

Noelia’s sex tape: Mission Accomplished

August 22, 2007

Attention: Don’t forget to check out our Noelia posts part one and part two for background.

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(clearly this shot of her was pre unnatural female enhancement, still sexy though)

Ok, to say we were duped would be a bit much here, because everyone pretty much saw this one coming. Indeed, it’s quite clear now that Noelia, after seeing the success of no talents like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton (Not safe for work), and Kim Kardashian blast off into American media stardom, released that sex tape to help kick off her her career in the US.

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Hey, I aint mad at you mami. Do your thing. But the idea that the sex tape just miraculously appeared juuust before you start work on your first English speaking album is kind of a joke. And it looks like it paid off too. Look at this youtube for Noelia, which to date has over half a million viewers!!!

(she does look kinda good in that dress though)

Anyway, I must admit, pre sex tape I would have given a Noelia song about 5 seconds before I turned the channel (which not so coincidentally corresponds with the length of time I give ANY Telemundo or Univision program now), now she may get a solid 40 seconds out of me if her video appeared on MTV. It’s clear what she should do next though. Get Wyclef to hit errrr give her some Shakira knock off song. Then hook her up with some Scott Storch (“great scott!”) formatted joint. Maybe throw in some kind of duet with some grubby little R&B cat, hmmm, oh yes, Lloyd, Ne-yo or Bobby Valentino will do. Then put her onto some big ballad and then fill the rest of the album up with rump shaking and gratuitous spanish themed sex references. Done deal, right?

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(after watching that sex tape right HERE, we now know why Mickey has that perpetual smile and we can certainly understand why the fish’s eyes are nearly popping out of his head)

Hey, this route worked for Kim Kardashian who has some reality show coming out (yawn), so it should work pretty well for this babe who ostensibly has some real talent.

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The strategy did not work, however, for total no talent “Toastee” from Flavor of Love 2 an Charm School fame..

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And if you think I just put this line of discussion in so that I could get this absurd picture of toastee and this terrible bald cat on the blog (yes, she has a sex tape too), you’d be absolutely right. LOL. Hilarious. Look at that cat, he’s turning red!!! Freaky stuff.

– lake