Archive for the ‘Elliot Spitzer’ Category

Spitzer is out, David Patterson in as NY’s Governor

March 12, 2008

It’s just a matter of time. Elliot “Mess” Spitzer lost his damn mind with this transfer of lootchy for hoez foolishness. Now he’s basically got no choice but to resign from office.


I mean, for real.. Who’s worse, Craig from Friday for getting fired on his day off for stealing boxes on camera or Elliot moving 5 large for some NYC ass he happened to want to get at before Valentines Day?


Oh yeah, it’s Easy E going away. At least Craig never admitted any wrongdoing. Elliot sure did. And what about that timing of the night before V-Day? Hell, he might have been knee deep in some premium tail as the clock truck midnight.


What a way to usher in that holiday. Fuck candy and flowers, E was having it his way. Now when I wrote my scheme for getting over on Valentines Day, nowhere did I say to wire a G’s worth of loot cakes for a hizzie, and 4 more on travel expenses, hotel and lubrication. That’s not pimp, it’s just stupid.


So in the span of 24 hours, homey has gone from one of the top 3 or 4 elected official in these United States to “Daddy, please don’t bring your ho mongering ass to my recital, I HATE YOU.” That’s a pretty ugly fall. And what about the reverberations?  This little snafu will end up being historic not only for the running of hoes, but also because it will bring New York’s first black Governor into office!


My inside sources in Albany tell me that for his first official act in political office, David Patterson will be getting an edge up at a local barber shop.


I certainly hope so, damn.

– Lake

Mary Ann Loves That Mary Jane

March 11, 2008

 This post is going to need a theme song.  Click this before reading on:

Awwww, come here girl…

Now where was I?  Oh yeah, Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island got arrested for marijuana possession.


You know Mary Ann..always the “smart girl” to Ginger’s “pretty girl”, part of the eternal debate of “who’s hotter, Ginger or Mary Ann?”.  For anyone who doesn’t know, here’s Ginger.


She definitely was keeping it 60’s sexy right there.  Anyway, now we’ve got lots of answers.  If we never found out how they got off the island, we definitely know how they got off on the island.  Mary Ann was packing that cheeba in coconuts and blazing between takes.  Hell, as far as I’m concerned we know who is hotter now too.  Who do you want, the chick that looks good, or the babe bringing a few dime bags to the party?

Hell, you know if ole girl is still blazing at 69 years old, she was a straight freak back when she was 26 and every white boy with a TV’s dream.

Hey Eliot…uhhhhh, Client 9, Mary Ann is about 5″5′, 105, brunette…just like you like ’em.  You tryin’ to holla?


Gotta think about it?  I feel you.


Governor Gets Caught in Wire Tap: Eliot’s Mess

March 10, 2008

Maaaayne, I turned on my radio this morning and I heard 50 Cent’s P.I.M.P Remix featuring New York’s Gov. Eliot “Mess” Spitzer and T Pain.


Surprisingly, Eliot was signing the hook, listen:

I don’t know what you heard about me
But these hoes got $5,000 dollars outta me
They dropped a wire and got your boy E
I deserve better after paying 5 Gs (Yuh!)

Daaaayum, it appears that Governor Eliot Spitzer got hemmed up in a prostitution sting in Washington, D.C. I guess they raided some “offices” and found paperwork that “links him” (what does that mean?) to the “prostitution ring.” Links him? Does that mean he was banging out hizzies or not?


I know, I know…ha It’s just that I like Eliot and hate to see him go out like this. It’s pretty crazy, because if you ever listen to his speeches, homey talks like he’s the head of the League of Justice or something. But when he read that statement this morning, homey sounded like Kanye trying to explain that W didn’t care about black people. It was more than uncomfortable.


Dude, all the details aren’t in yet, but it looks like dude was paying these hoes 3-5 grand for some tail…


Damn, what kind of chicks are these? I mean is this cat literally banging out Linsay Lohan or something? Crazy. Hard out here for a pimp? How could it be? For that money, Eliot could have flown out to a remote location to get some. Damn. Let me ask you guys something, if you had to go down in a sex scandal, which way would you go? I took the liberty of listing a few in terms of worst to easiest to handle. All these scandals assume that you are a politician who is married with children:

1. I’m a Gay American

The Gay dude who has been frontin’ with the stepford wife

2. The Sexual Assault ‘Lose-Lose’ Scenario

This is a particularly ill one. A chick claims you sexually assaulted her and your only defense is, “She wanted it too”.. Uhhh, don’t ya hate when THAT happens?

3. Baby Mama Drama

You get exposed for the love child, which means not only were you hitting something wild style, but you were quietly throwing hush money at it, or not, either way, you’re fucked.

4. Hoez I knows

Paying for it and getting caught in the okie doke with the credit card statement.

5. Head Man in Charge

Getting some love from that secretary “under the desk”. This one is all too classic. Almost doesn’t even register on the radar screen.

No matter how you slice it, this is UGLY for Eliot Mess. You know the GOP types are loving this! Eliot was already in trouble, it’s just a matter of time until he’s forced to peace out. Damn, E, thanks for the Christmas card though.

– Lake