Archive for the ‘Cocaine’ Category

Hingis retires from Tennis amid nose candy and white horse controversy

November 1, 2007

Martina Hingis was a special talent when she broke onto the Women’s Tennis scene in 1995 after great success in the junior ranks.


So why would she throw all that away to ride the white horse, sniff that Lindsay Lo-Han, toot the nose candy, roll with the Bolivian Marching Powder, dance with the white lady, get chalked up with the California Cornflakes, caminar con el diablo, puff with the white dragon, sing with that sweet Christina Aguilera — I mean why would you do that? We may never know why, but what we do know is that she just tested positive for Cocaine and promptly retired. Nice.


And now she’s saying that she’s never done coke. Hmmm, you’ve never done it, though you tested positive for it. Don’t you hate when that happens? And what about your plans to suddenly retire? I know, she’s just retiring, at age 27 mind you, because her body is breaking down not because she’s tested positive for an illegal narcotic.


I’m not exactly sure, but I don’t think Tony’s buying that story.


Anyway, let’s take this time to remember the Czech -Hungarian born tennis player turned “Swiss Miss”. One thing is for sure, the babe was colorful and occasionally, from the right angle, reasonably attractive.


Not only that, wasn’t just a hype tennis star and cocaine addict, she was nasty and would run smack with the best of them too:

  • Referring obliquely to Amelie Mauresmo’s lesbianism on the eve of their 1999 Australian Open final, Hingis told reporters, “She’s here with her girlfriend. She’s half a man already.”
  • When asked in the late 1990s how she felt about the budding rivalry between herself and the then-up-and-coming Anna Kournikova, Hingis responded, “What rivalry? I win all the matches.”
  • After the Williams sisters had complained of discrimination against them, Hingis told Time Magazine in 2001: “Being black only helps them. Many times they get sponsors because they are black. And they have had a lot of advantages because they can always say, ‘It’s racism.’ They can always come back and say, ‘Because we are this color, things happen.'” In the U.S., this comment garnered considerable attention, although elsewhere her comment was mostly greeted with indifference. What a biiatch.
  • At the peak of the Williams sisters and Hingis’ competitive and fierce rivalry, Hingis stated in a press conference during the 1999 US Open referring to the sisters’ remarks, “They always have big mouths. They always talk a lot. It’s happened before, so it’s gonna happen again. I don’t really worry about that.”
  • On the long-dominant German player, Steffi Graf, Hingis said, “Steffi has had some results in the past, but it’s a faster, more athletic game now than when she played. She is old now. Her time has passed.” (Hingis made this comment in 1998 while Graf was on an injury-related hiatus from tennis.)
  • Responding in a 1999 press conference on why she terminated her doubles partnership with former Wimbledon champion Jana Novotna, Hingis remarked, “She’s old and slow.”
  • During her acceptance speech at the 1997 Australian Open women’s singles final, the winner, Hingis, referred to her win in doubles the previous day and said, “I always love to come here to Australia and it’s a great win for me and I will like to come back and win another title. Yesterday, I already won in my doubles so, next time I’ll have to play mixed doubles so, maybe I’m going to win that too. But I also need to give someone else a chance to win an event.”

At any rate, we at UvT wish Ms. Hingis well. We’re not sure what she’ll do with all that money and all this extra time she’ll have, but such is life. We are waiting on that raunchy men’s magazine pictorial that is certain to come soon after this white horse incident dies down.

– Lake


My favorite nickname for cocaine has always been “booger sugar”.


There’s something about the Juice

September 20, 2007

You just gotta admit it. There’s something about this dude that you love or even love to hate, but he’s just got that thing.. That it. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the resilience?


If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit…bitch

Maybe it’s the ladies he keeps, for instance, peep his current girlfriend and Nicole Simpson look-a-like Christine Prody:


(do those crazy veins popping out mean her rack is real or do they put the fake joints underneath the real thing…life’s mysteries)

Yooo, this must be the wildest white woman in America. Virtually everyone hates the Juice for beating a murder rap on a chick that looks exactly like YOU and you’re just rolling with the cat like he aint public enemy number 1. I mean, really loving life, enjoying his company, riding that white horse and keeping your head held high. haaaa And believe you me, she and OJ are having the time of their lives together:


I love how this babe keeps the chest aerated… Haaa boy oh boy, look at the Juice enjoying a fine Cuban no doubt and peep that wild necklace the cat has on. What’s he like 55? Classic. Oh and I like to see OJ’s lady standing by him in court.


Ride or die baby, ride or die!

As for the substance of the charges against the Juice; look, I heard the tape of the alleged crime and I didn’t hear anybody catching an ass whooping. In fact, roll the uncensored tape.

(did you think you could steal my shit? LOL)

Sheeyut, I’d be mad if a cat stole my shit too.. haa Hey, it just sounds like a bunch of arguing. I heard perhaps some momentary false imprisonment, but certainly no evidence of armed robbery, kidnapping and all this other nonsense. Hey justice system: YOU ALREADY LOST THE SIMPSON/GOLDMAN TRIAL. Stop acting like this cat did something that’s worth anything more than a trip to anger management classes. The only reason why anyone cares about this nonsense in Vegas is because you think the Juice skated on the murder rap.


Nobody is even talking about whether the dude the Juice rolled up on actually stole his shit. Come on clowns…you’ve got nothing on the Juice. Leave him be, he’s got a tee time back in Florida…haters. It don’t matter if it’s 95 or 2007:

Jigga OJ not guil-tee

– Lake

Lil Al cuts his losses, pleads guilty to horse, weed, reds, yellows and speeding charges

August 2, 2007

Sorry we’re so late to this, but we’d be remiss if we didn’t follow-up on our old post to report that former Vice President Al Gore’s son, Al Gore III, pleaded guilty Monday to possessing marijuana and other drugs when he was caught speeding this month in south Orange County in a Toyota Prius.


Dressed like a G, Lil Al showed up to court on Monday doing his best Hollywood perp walk. Now if you remember, Big Al was nooot too happy when he first heard of Lil Al’s most recent run-in with the law.


And people, please note that he entire case could be dismissed once he completes a drug rehabilitation program offered to first-time offenders. First-time offenders? Need I refer you all to Lil Al’s laundry list of offenses since his days back at St. Albans in DC, a school he was kicked out of for burning the hippie lettuce, among other transgressions?! Hilarious. AG3 is like the Teflon Don, nothing sticks to this cat. Upon hearing his son was gonna get the old privileged soft shoe, Big Al was finally chilled out and back into his previous posture.


Al Gore III, who has been “receiving treatment” for his partying errrr “addictions” at an undisclosed location since his arrest, was scheduled to be arraigned on Wednesday. No word if he ever had to show up.

He entered his plea with little fanfare, unlike his 100+ mph, ridin super dirty antics that got him into all this, at a Laguna Niguel courthouse during a brief hearing. Oh Al, if I could only be you for a day homey, hell, just kick it with you for a week, I’d be on cloud 9! Holler at me when you’re ready to get at these pros, drugs, and/or one of your environmentally friendly, hybrid, Fast and Furious LA drift benders you like to go on. I’m all in playa!

Lindsay been hanging with Al Gore III?

July 24, 2007


Dude, usually we leave the Lindsay thing to and such, but I just had to comment on this. Not so much because Lindsay is again drinking, chasing middle aged women in parking lots on a suspended license and tooting the white horse like her name was Mrs. Al Gore III. I mean, all that is great but what’s being lost here is that Lohan actually looks pretty good often times. Maybe that’s obvious to some of you, but something about this coked out mug shot just got me excited. What do you think, Lake n Lindsay? We both love to party. We both want her to drink, stay snortin’ that coca and stay sittin ’round with her breasts and arse exposed. Peep some of these shots we ran across this morning in our production meeting. Gotta like it.


Indeed, very attractive. Just what you want to see. Vacant eyes, Js sittin on dubbs, lips… ok, I’ll just stop there. Next.


(that slim white woman tail is tucked in just right)

Now see, this isn’t something I’d usually do, namely jack a pick from this site,but it illustrates that slim white woman arse. Something we haven’t talked about much here at UvT. It’s not my cup of tea generally, but I must admit that it looks pretty decent in this pick. Man, it brings a tear to my eye.. I was raised on this tail and many like it. A vanilla brother is getting nostalgic.


Sorry Brock.. If this is out of line, just go ahead and suspend me ala Michael Vick/Roger Goodell.


Damn Lake! You trying to get me caught riding dirty? You know the man don’t like a brother like me looking at one of his main ladies. Yeah man, I’m going to have to shut you down for the night.