Archive for the ‘classic material’ Category

Classic Material: “Pony” by Ginuwine

February 13, 2008

I know Lake’s classic material usually focuses on stuff that is actually good. I prefer to go with the ridiculous.

That video is foolish from the first open-shirt shimmy slide that Ginuwine does across the stage. Wait, lets back up to the fact that this cat spells his name Ginuwine. Where did he get that spelling, from Flavor of Love? Did Deelishis, Buckeey, and Hoopz help him with the spelling of that name? Lake mentioned that he thought this song was being performed by a woman the first time he heard it. I mean the “baby hair” slicked down, ridiculous sideburns, the full on stripper dance moves. This is pure comedy. The black guy in the saloon theme, everything.

What the hell do the lyrics mean?

I’m just a bachelorrrrrr,

Lookin’ for a Part-na!

Someone who knows how to riiiiiiiide,

Without even falling ooofffffffff.

Seriously, this dude launched his whole career on that BS.

You know what is hot though, is that Timbaland beat. The glorified beatbox, the wild sound effects, the pre-neptunes mid 90’s belonged to Timbaland. Here’s another hot one:

That beat was hot too. On a side note, how dame fine would Aaliyah be right now?


She’d be fully marinated and thickened up by now. Damn.

Back to the subjectI think timbaland had me buy at least six albums I would not have bought otherwise. Ginuwine, Missy, Aaliyah, the whole crew. Quietly, that man Timbaland is having the most success ever on that Shock Therapy album. The crazy thing is there are still some hot joints on there. This dude may be five singles in right now. Beyonce and Rihanna albums are about the only joints that get five singles deep these days. Not only that, but this dude is killing white radio. You know what that means. It means Lake and his boys will be running these joints for at least another 9 months.

Give it to Me

The Way I Are


Apologize (two Versions)

Throw It On Me

Seriously, five singles off of a Timbaland album? With videos and everything? Do you know how much loot this cat has to be raking in right now? Old Timbo albums (let’s call it the Magoo era) were usually good for one radio ready beat and a big pile of BS. I guess he put is album on that Roger Clemons treatment like he did himself, because this album is on swole.


I wonder if the album is also greasy…and silly looking…and playing itself. My Bad.


Classically terrible Material: Last Night by Az Yet

February 8, 2008

I was in a NYC cab with my boy K-Peso a few weeks ago on our way to a party and this song came on. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it, then I just started to get excited though I didn’t know why. I mean, it was something about that intro, it smacked of thousands of jokes in days long past. Then it happened, those first terrible lyrics hit my ears and I immediately demanded that my Pakistani friend at the controls turn that mufucka up!

Dude, I mean, where do I start. First off, I’ll attach these unbelievable lyrics at the end, but first let me make a few comments:

1. The name of the group, “Az Yet”: Come on. I mean, what kind of creative session did these cats have to come up with that? “You know what I’m sayin’ we aint done all we gone do ‘Az Yet’ oh, oh wait, dats it.. On the forreala (remember this was the 90’s). ‘Az Yet,’ now datz whuddup!” Terrible.

2. The Lyrical Content: In order to grasp just how fucking corny and terrible this shit is, you really need to focus all of your attention on the second verse. I mean, is this cat serious with the sincerity with which he delivered those lyrics? And who wrote that shit, a young Farnsworth Bentley? It seems like a basic question, but to write that lyric you have to have an appreciation for the so called “finer things” (mountains, sun, moon, stars, wine, blood) while similtaneously not having any taste or concept for how fucking terrible it really is. That’s not just any ole body. And then the notes they paired it with; that crazy ass step ladder, upper register, Randy Jackson “I just didn’t get it dude” crescendo at the end. I mean, the shit is BONKERS!!!!

“Eye, drank your wine, as you drank my-eye-eye-oow-eye-e-ine, EYE kissed your lips, you suck at politics (that would it sounds like to me) into your soul-o-o-o-o-o-o-O-Oil-OIL, Eye almost cried ‘cuz it was so beautiful!!!!!!!” AAAAHNNT!

3. Choreography and Gear: Do you all see these fucking horrible dance moves these cats are coming with especially in front of that completely bullshit background of clouds, flowers coming into bloom and mountain tops? I mean, these dudes are rocking those same steps the Five Heartbeats had before the old man stepped in, only it wasn’t 1958, it was 1997!!! I mean, that step kick, swing was fucking horrible, almost as horrible as the assortment of linens, whites, patten leathers, and stark blacks they had on. Now we see where the term “Gotta keep it real” actually came from. Somebody saw this shit and immediately needed a cliche to keep the trend at bay. Holy smokes that shit is awful.

4. Composition of the group: First off, you don’t need 6 cornballs for this song, you only need two. Second, I mean, look at these cats. You’ve got your basic “chocolate brother” kicking the song off, then you go to the light skinned cat who clearly just thrives off the fact that he’s light and when he puts that activator to work, he gets immediate results, then you have the clown with the cornrows..and a wild Eric Benet/Latino cat…I mean, jeez. It’s like they handed out parts to cats on how to look. Fucking awful, horrible, horrendous.. I mean, I’d say send these cats to the lions, but luckily history has already done it for me, because you aint seen an Az Yet single in a clean 10 year period. And it’s just a hunch, but how much do yall wanna bet the light skinned cat is working at a Kinko’s in Dallas. Lol.. He just has that real “I’ve got other skillz” look to him.

5. One Liners: What exactly did that cat mean by “Last night, there was no blood in it?” I’ll just leave that right there

6. Now something positive: Fellas, if you’re ever hittin some ass and you literally “see the sun, the moon, the mountains AND the rivers,” that’s some good ass tail. Not only is it Cheapa to Keep her, but that might be something you just go ahead and tuck in for yourself. Either that or you should call Lake the smoove romantic and I’ll set her straight. Ha.

Ok, enough, here are the lyrics:

Last night, you were so into it
You told me secrets that, you never told a soul
You were so nervous and, yet oh so comfortable
As we explored your image of love

I drank your wine as you tasted mine
I kissed your lips you felt my mind slip
Into your soul
I almost cried cuz it was so beautiful

1-Last night I was inside of you
Last night while making love to you
I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers
I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you

Last night there was no blood in it
It was so special and, so very innocent
We talked of memories, our favorite fantasies
As we explored, our visions of love

Deep in the night, right by the fireside
You felt my candlelight in your soul
You felt incredible, I started to explode
I almost cried cuz it was so beautiful
(repeat 1)

Sunlight, (sunlight) red roses (red roses)
The scent of you it calms the heart
The sight of you I fall apart
Moonlight, the things we noticed
Oh we’re in love, that’s when it comes
And I’m so, I’m so in love
(rpt 1…)



I just want to send out a big F-You to Lake on this one.  It is now 10:30 pm EST and this f’ing song has officially been stuck in my head all day.  Asshole.


Classic Marlo: “You want it one way”

February 7, 2008

Look, Marlo is the illest tv gangster since…well, since Avon Barksdale. If you don’t know who Marlo is then you’re just sleeping on the best show on tv, The Wire, or you hate straight up gangsterism (ha) and then I just have to ask, why are you reading my blog? Step off. LOL. Anyway, it’s impossible to get all of Marlo’s hot sequences, but this one just happens to be up on youtube, so I’ll post it.

Man, Marlo is so ill and yes, inside of 48 hours that cat ended up dead inside of a vacant row house.


Marlo is as ruthless as the devil “hisself”… Hot.

– Lake

Classic Material: Revenge of the Nerds

January 31, 2008

No need to set this one up. This is just a great movie.

Dude, whoever came up with the sorority name “Omega Moos” is an evil genius. So good. Damn, please note the 80’s use of the blatant stereotyping. Of course, that’s what makes the movie so funny, but it’s still pretty terrible, especially how ill they were to Asians back then. Anybody remember “Long Duck Dong” from Sixteen Candles?


I mean, they used to diss Asians without any hesitation whatsoever. Ugly. Maybe I’ll post that cat up later. Anyway, if you’re going to go Nerds, you’ve got to show their show with LaMar on the ahm…..(pause and gulp) mic. That hurt me.

The 80’s man…so terrible, but in a good way.

– Lake

Classic Material: Michael Corleone

January 25, 2008

This is the best movie ever made, period. Michael Corleone is the best character ever created and this is just the beginning of his rise to power.

Love it.


– Lake

Classic material: My office hours are from 9 to 5

January 17, 2008

Oh, just one of the many pleasures I’ve had in cinema. If you didn’t see The Five Heartbeats, then you’ve definitely missed out and you should peep this ill scene just on GP. If you remember this joint and love it as I do, then sit back and enjoy the bidniz acumen of Big Red… ha

That Bird, he was so smug.. Oh but Red learned him a thing or two. LOL.. Classic.

Classic Christmas Material: Dick in Box

December 25, 2007

Yo, this might replace Adam Sandler’s “Smoke your marijuanica and drank your gin and tonica, Hanukkah” song as the best alternative Christmas ballad of all time. It’s only a year old, but I think we can all agree that it was pure gold from Lake Arlington Jr. Jr. aka Justin Timberlake and those SNL cats.

Just puts you in the holiday spirit, don’t it? Truly a new day CLASSIC! Perfectly executed with the ridiculous Chess King suits, wild hand gestures, hot dance moves from the early 90’s, absurd, though standard, background music they used to rock and my favorite, the deep voiced bass man speaking interlude a la Boyz II Men.. 10 out of 10.


“And that’s the way you do it!!!!”

– Lake in a box

Classic material: Laettner rips out UK’s heart

December 12, 2007

People didn’t like Christian Laettner and Christian liked it that way.

Wow… That was pretty gangster, “shoots, scooooooores” was how I remember it on the radio call. He really ripped out the heart of the UK fans and eat it in front of them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.


Go Duke

– Lake

Classic material: The Rain by Oran Juice Jones

December 5, 2007

It really can’t get better than this classic joint by Oran Juice Jones.

What’s so hot about this joint is how he’s looking at her at the end and continuously adjusts that waistline of his pants. LOL. So good.

And then the lines in this joint. I mean, seriously, this cat laid down the standard for all silly interludes to follow. How many classic lines? There are too many, so I’ll just go ahead and bold all of my favorite joints within the entire epilogue.

Hey, hey, baby, how ya doin’, come on in here
Got some hot chocolate on the stove waiting for you
Listen, first things first, let me hang up the coat

Yeah, how was your day today, did you miss me?
You did?
Yeah, I missed you too
I missed you so much I followed you today

That’s right, now close your mouth ’cause you cold busted
Now just sit down here, sit down here
I’m so upset with you I don’t know what to do
My first impulse was to run up on you
And do a Rambo

Whip out the jammy and flat blast both of you

But I didn’t wanna mess up this thirt-seven hundred dollar lynx coat
So instead I chill
That’s right, chill

Then I went to the bank, took out every dime
Than I cancelled all those credit cards, yeah
All your charge accounts, yeah

I stuck you up every piece of jewelery I ever bought ya!
Yeah, that’s right, everythang!
Get fly with me
Nah, don’t you, don’t go lookin’ in that closet
‘Cause you ain’t got nothin’ in there
Everything you came here with is packed up
And waiting for you in the guest room

That’s right

What was you thinking about, huh?
What were you tryin’ to prove, huh?
You was with the Juice!
I gave you silk suits, Gucci handbags, blue diamonds
I gave you things you couldn’t even pronounce!

Now I can’t give you nothing but advice
‘Cause you still young
That’s right, you still young

I hope you learned a valuable lesson from all this, you know
You’re gonna find somebody like me one of these days
Until then, you know what you gotta do?
You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat-wearing
Hush-puppy-shoe-wearing crumbcake I saw you with

‘Cause you dismissed!
That’s right

Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don’t you know that?
You without me like corn flake without the milk
It’s my world, you just a squirrel tryin’ to get a nut
Now get on outta here
Ah, don’t touch that coat!

That was just perfect. Perfect. We all should know that it set the stage for so much future rhetoric. I’m convinced Nino Brown’s speech in New Jack City was inspired in part by this.. and just as an aside, how hot was THAT scene, in fact, let’s just run that joint right here, right now!

“You’re incapable of running this shit…sit your 5 dollar ass down before I make change.”

“I never liked you anyway, pretty muthafucka.”

And you just know Neyo’s “Irreplaceable” sang by Beyonce was based on this same thing. So influential. So good.

– Lake, I’m so old school