Archive for the ‘Best of the Best’ Category

It’s Official: Angela Simmons Has Stepped Her Game Up

August 27, 2008

Some of us thought it was a fluke or maybe a nice camera angle.  Maybe, but Angela Simmons has DEFINITELY stepped that game up in the last few months.

Dude, a personal trainer can do wonders for the look on a girl.  The babe is just on point.  You gotta appreciate it.

And that angle two was no exception!  In fact, her pretty girl sister, Whatcha Name Simmons, is suddenly looking a little irrelevant.  Girl, if you want to be an actress, icon, something, you best change your game up.  Go blond, go red, date a YT named Laker errrr in the Rock Industry or at very least show us some more skin, side angles, something!

Ahhhh, I love the “look at my ass” lean back pose.  It shows me that Ms. A. Simmons is in tune with what the people want and expect from her.  And from the looks of it, maybe that previous picture wasn’t a fluke after all.

Yes indeedy.  And it’s all due to the work of one man.  Bow Wow.

He may be compared to the size of hand guns and get clowned for throwing up gang signs, but I like the dude.  He keeps a bad babe around him and isn’t that really what it’s all about?

– Lake

————UPDATE————–

I have to admit.  I’ve been firmly planted in the Vanessa Simmons camp until now.  OK, I’m still in the Vanessa camp, but Angela is finally making it look like the two of them are from the same gene pool.  She’s stepping her game up.  I agree with Kanye on that Put On track.  I need just at least one of Russell’s nieces too.

Coach K did the damn thing

August 26, 2008

I don’t have much to say about this.  All I can express is that if K had not gotten the gold, it would have been a debacle.  But guess what?

It’s lovely and I love it.  Now it’s time for those recruits to come on in so the rest of the basketball world can come and get some. Oh and by the way, what do yall think Gary Williams and those Murrland terps were doing while Kobe, LeBron and Coach K were getting that gold?

Zactly…

– Lake

Sexy Olympian of the Day: Lolo Jones

August 26, 2008

That’s right, it is time for another post with theme music.  Feel free to watch the video, but this isn’t all about the music.

This is about Lolo Jones.  First of all, I just love the name.

She also runs the hurdles. So she’s unusually in shape and flexible.  Sure, she had to gold wrapped up until the 90m when she clipped that hurdle, but Lolo, I want to know you are still all good with me.  Once you’ve recovered, call your boy Brock and I’ll help you work on through the pain.  Of course we’ll keep it on the lo lo.

Anyone not down with Lolo Jones?  Check this out.

Yeah.  Let me tell you, I don’t need anymore than that right there.  Angle 2?

Like Rick James said in my all time favorite song, Fire and Desire it was paaaaaaain be. fore. pleasuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrre.  She’s giving the eyes right there.

You can’t complete the analysis without street clothes.  Now this looks like the kind of girl who makes all gear look like athletic gear.  But that thigh work is impressive.  I’d like to see some jeans here, but I’ll take it.  I don’t know why she’s getting her Beastmaster on with that squirrel, but I’ll let it slide.

As a parting shot, just to go with the theme music.

Next thing you know, shawty got lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo.

Shout to H8torade…I’d hit it.

-Brock.

My eyes must be fooling me

August 26, 2008

…because Rihanna looks thick in these pictures.

Interesting because I always thought she was crazy skinny.  Maybe it’s my new age, mtv distorted eyes.

I like it. But like that “didn’t get it” face she’s got going even better.

– Lake

Making the Band 4, Season 3 Premiere – The Tour

August 20, 2008

Ohhhhhh shit, I just went ahead and played that “Exclusive,” versions fast and slow, back to back to back to back to back like it was MTB4 Season 1 again.  Oh yeah, I’m amp’d up and ready for some good solid MTB4.  Let’s get it. So I’m watching the show and Diddy comes on talking his standard shit.  Hey, I appreciate it, because quite frankly, the last time I saw Diddy, it was like this:

Correct, even he couldn’t believe the level of Bitchassness that was occurring on “I Want To Work For Diddy.”  And if Sean John is anything like me, he was pretty much looking like this after Episode 1 of that show.

I mean, I was SHOOK!  Still am really.  That shit was like a really bad non-musical video for Danity Kane’s Damaged.  And just like the song says, shit was “damaged, damaged, damaged (soooo) damaged and Diddy should be the one to know, now please fix it, fix it fix it..” ok?

Now that we handed that little bit of mini beef/house keeping, we can move onto one of my favorite shows.

Issue 1: The Evolution of Dawn

So I tuned in and the first thing I see is certified thickum, D. Woods, sashaying herself across that rehearsal floor.  Oh wait, that aint no D. Woods, that’s DAWN. Oh my word!!!

She is looking rizzight.  Goodbye shy girl, hello Q is definitely banging that out.  All in touch with that sensual side all of a sudden, huh?

Respect.  Hey, I saw it coming.  If memory serves, she had a bit of ahem “growth” in that regard last season.  Let me dig in my archives, ah yes:

Oh yes.  You gotta like someone who keeps raising the bar season to season.  Which of course is the exact opposite of what Aubrey is doing, but we’ll get there later.  Anyway, every man loves the day when he first peeps that layer of thick laid up on top of strong woman.  Her day might be here.  I’ll have to keep an eye on it for all of us.

Issue 2:  The Return of Laurie Anne

Hilarious.  And I appreciate how when Laurie Ann presents herself, MTV immediately goes to one of the finest moments in Reality TV history.  Yep, that “Baby girl, I’m not taking NO interjections” speech and prompt dismissal-ass tappities Puff put on ole girl in Season 1.

So good.  Then of course she starts messing with everybody.  Talking shit, getting under cat’s skin.  Standard issue stuff for this babe.   And just as an aside, funny to see that Medium Mike is back to being “Big Mike.”  Can’t wait to hear what Diddy has to say about that.  Anyway, so Diddy rolls up and talks to Laurie Ann one on one.  Based on the silly little grin she’s got on her face, there’s a strong likelihood that they haven’t talked since the last time Puff hit errr since the blow up where she got canned for insubordination and super-bitchassness.

Just listening to her talk to him…it just terrible dude.  I mean, first off, Puff is at a loss for words.  Then you’ve got Laurie Ahnt over here devolving into baby talk with goo goo and gah gah eyes.  Just terrible.  I mean, if nothing else, this little exchange makes me 100% certain that Puff has been tagging that since around 1993 to present.  Then Puff hit her with the “All I did was put you on” rhetoric.  Which is iron-clad.  I mean, honestly, would ANYONE outside of the choreographers even know about her ass but for Mr. Combs?  Sheeeit, Lake Arlington had more cache than this chick prior to Making the Band.  She needs to pay homage or get to steppin’.  But then Puff came with that “So did you miss me when you was away from me?”

lol, the proverbial knock out punch/dick in a box.  I love it.  Puff is back in my good graces with this display of utter pimpery.  I like it.  It almost makes me forget these Tranny antics over on his other show.

Almost.  Glad to have this show back.  It rarely fails to entertain.  Oh and fellas, yeah, yall over there at Bad Boy, less of Aubrey is good for MTB4, remember that.

– Lake

UvT Olympics Update

August 19, 2008

I don’t know if my Tivo ain’t hittin’ right, or if there really isn’t anything on anywhere else in the world other than these Olympics on NBC, but ever since Michael Phelps and gymnastics ended, the Olympics aren’t giving me much anymore.  Honestly, I was in a sports bar this weekend getting my fantasy football on, and we ended up with Olympic trampoline (why is that a sport?) and rowing (ditto).  So here’s a quick recap.

First of all it did me proud to see Cullen Jones in the water in the swimming competition.  Sure, the kid almost drowned when he was 5, but he fought against nature to become a gold medal winning swimmer.  It meant a lot to me, especially since the last time I saw a brother in an Olympic pool, this is how it went down.

Now see, that is why brothers don’t swim right there.  Sure, he was representing Equatorial Guinea but somehow that still ain’t right.  He must be the only brother who can swim at all in E.G.  I need to get my Equatorial Guinea citizenship tight so I can go on ahead and get into those 2012 London games.

Next, you all know Brock loves the gymnasties.  She may have busted her ass and lost the gold, but she wins the UvT gold medal for actually looking like a grown woman during the gymnastics competition.

Holla if you hear me girl.  I know, I know, Be On It, she’s not that good looking.  At least she’s not a Blonde, right?  She’s just the best available.  Her body is just in shape.

You gotta love a chick who goes for the reverse crease.  She doesn’t even go with the traditional ass crease, she goes ahead and drops it in the front.  Hilarious.  Look, the lady even looks reasonable in street clothes.

You know what though.  None of that makes her UvT quality.  Okay, some of that does.  But here is what really tipped the scales.

Daaaaamn.  I know old boy didn’t want to go out like that.  But that is what you get for letting a girl, hell letting anyone, who can probably do handstand pushups hit you square in the jaw.  My man dropped like a pile of bricks.  He can’t be that tall if Alicia was looking him dead in the eye.  That is that big, small man problem there.  Trying to be tough.  Now 788,000 people saw him get knocked out cold.  Great.

You know, now Olympic recap is complete without the men of the Olympics.  The ladies of UvT, have been clamoring for it.  Threatening a boycott.  Invoking Title IX.  Hating on Amanda Cicchini.  So we did the right thing.  We took a closer look at the Olympics, trying to find out what the ladies like.  What is that?  I mean I know I like tight tails and thick thighs.  Do the ladies like skrong arms?  Broad shoulders?  Hey, I don’t want to get too deep into our research techniques.  So here’s a little something for the ladies.  These guys are strong, dressed in tight gear.  Willing to show it all off.  Some of the greatest Olympians ever.

Olympic Super heavyweight wrestlers.  Enjoy ladies.  Don’t say I never did anything for you.

Ha!

-Brock

Michael Phelps is great, but he aint the best ever

August 18, 2008

Michael Phelps has definitely earned all the accolades he’s received.  Sure, you can say he’s the best swimmer of all time and I’ll even hear arguments that he’s the best Olympian, but the best athlete?  Hells no.  Look, if I’m not mistaken, Phelps is from Baltimore, which means dude probably isn’t even the best athlete in his own area code.  First off, I will admit, homey is sittin on more gold than Chad Johnson’s dentist.

And he certainly eats like the best ever.  But let’s not trick ourselves.  The reason why Phelps has gold medals in his pockets like so many nickles and dimes is because 1.  they have so many swimming events to begin with and 2. a very small sample size of the world’s athletes actually get a chance to compete in organized swimming to begin with.

It’s not quite the same as in track and field where you just know there aren’t that many cats who can step into the blocks and run a sub 10 second 100 meters.  No, when those dudes step up, we KNOW they’re the world’s best because everybody has been racing since they were 6 years old on a playground.

So when Jesse Owens or Carl Lewis win 4 gold medals in a single games, that’s real.  When Phelps does it, if you’re like me, you just sit back and wonder what these events would be like if Deion Sanders, Randy Moss, Michael Vick or Allen Iverson knew how to swim.

I mean, come on, does ANYBODY actually think that Phelps is a better athlete than A-Rod, Jordan or Kobe?  Come on now.  If you gave Randy Moss 24 months, a West Virginia inspired above ground pool (keep it classy), some more weave (sad) and a Bally’s Total Health & Fitness membership, he’d turn half of Phelps gold medals into Bronze.   Best ever?  Right.  And next you’ll be saying Lance Armstrong is the best ever.  Oh, I forgot, fools ALREADY say that.  AHNT.  Pleaz.

By the way, is it just me or is something not quite right with my man’s mouth piece?  Anyway, Phelps is good, but compared to Jesse Owens, Jim Thorpe, and hell, I don’t know, Vince Young, Phelps aint shit.

I said it!  So until they start having the following list of Basketball derivative Olympic events:

1.  Olympic 5 on 5 Men’s Basketball

2.  Olympic Street Basketball

3.  Olympic Horse

4.  Olympic Freestyle Slam Dunk Medley

5.  Olympic 1 on 1 Come Git Some Especial-lay

6.  Olympic Two Handed Dribbling

7.  Olympic Three- Point Shooting

8.  Olympic 3 v 3 Ass-tappitties Floor Exercise, and

9.  Olymypic Synchronized, ball in hand jumping

I don’t want to hear about how Miguelito Phelps is a better athlete than LeBronze James.

– Lake

Michael Phelps is one Hungry MF’er

August 15, 2008

MIchael Phelps is dominating in Beijing, and is now one of the most dominant Olympic athletes ever.  That would be great if anyone still cared about the Olympics.

I won’t lie, they guy is entertaining to watch.  It is fun to see someone dominate every single event he’s in.  Can you really be the best at everything?  This is like someone on the track winning the 100, the hurdles, the 200, the 400, and the long jump.  Carl Lewis came close, but not quite.

So Phelps just let people know what he eats in a single day in order to keep enough fuel in his body through all these races.  Here’s the list of what he throws down to hit his target 12,000 calories a day.

Breakfast

  • three fried-egg sandwiches, with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.
  • two cups of coffee and a five egg omelet
  • a bowl of grits
  • three slices of French toast with powdered sugar on top
  • three chocolate chip pancakes.

Lunch

  • entire box of pasta
  • two large ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread with lots of mayo.
  • 1,000 calories of protein shake

Dinner

  • another entire box of pasta
  • entire pizza
  • another protein shake

How do you even sit down to eat all that?  He told NBC that all he does is eat, swim and sleep.  After looking at that list, there must be a lot of deuce dropping involved as well.  You just can’t burn off that much pure volume.

He better watch out for all of that mayonaise though.  Otherwise he might have a different profile once he retires from swimming.

-Brock

Allison Stokke Update: New Pics Still Bring the Thunder

August 13, 2008

Allison Stokke is a mainstay here at Us Versus Them.  For those of you who don’t know, she is a pole vaulter who is now on the Cal track team doing her thing.  The only problem is that she’s incredibly hard to catch up with.  Seriously.  She’s not listed on the team site for the Cal Bears.  No bio, they took down the team poster, no candids or action shots of her on the site.  We need to send out an intern to start watching Pac-10 track and field or we will never get any pics again.  But you know we take good care of you here at UvT.

Man, it really starts at the thighs here.  She can try to pull down those shawt shawts all she wants, it’s not going to help, you can still see that she’s working with something.

You can even bring it in close.  She’s still tight too.  Stomach great, shorts tight.  Can we work the profile?

Is that the first clean Stokke profile ever?  She’s got that Skrong booty.  You can tell it is more training than genetics…not much though.  I’d call it 60/40.

Angle 2 of the profile starts to make me question it.  The thighs are still thick, the tail piece clearly sets up, but it isn’t phenomenal.  Did Stokke lose a step?

My bad.  Forget I ever said anything.  Good Lawd.  That is the triple tuck right there.

But Wait!  A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

Who is this young, fresh challenger for the Stokke throne?  She’s an athlete, and trust me there’s a LOT more where this came from.  The assologist won’t let you down.  More tomorrow…

-Brock

Olympic Babes: Quest for Olympic Thickness Part 1

August 12, 2008

Yeah, I know, I know, the 4 x 100 MEN’S swimming race was the best win thus far in the Olympics, no this year, no wait, EVER IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS.

Yeah… that was pretty good, I mean dude did walk that cat down in the final leg.  But at UvT, we care about something more important than that: The Hotter Babes of the XXIX Olympiad.  So I’m going to go on a quest that’s two fold.

1.  I’m looking for some Olympic thickness

Dasrite, I’m looking far and wide, close and near, high and low.  I just gotta have it.   But along the way, I’m willing to find a couple morsels I can keep.  Which leads me to my next endeavor..

2.  Hot babes found while searching for Olympic thickness or HBFWSOTs.

Somehow that acronym doesn’t seem to be working.  Oh but this is:

Oh indeed.  I’m at my best when I cater to my most base instincts, so this Bia & Branca Feres are more important to me than Michael Phelps shit is gonna get good!

Awww and they kept it All Brazilian wholesome too.  We all know how Brazilian chicks like to keep it clean.

Bang….  I know, I know, “they don’t have enough arse”…..or do they?

I know, I know Bia err Branca is propped up at the right angle, maybe with a lil help from her friend uncle photoshop.  Sure and that R. Kelly piss was just digital.

Well, sheeeeeit, that’s a lie a nilla can live with, ya dig?

I can’t tell you for sure if we’ve found our Olympic thickness, but we definitely found some Olympic badness.  These chicks are extremely bad.  And even if they’re not “thick” by definition, they’re Brazilian, so they appreciate and embrace the thick lifestyle.  Oh, and I forgot to say, they do synchronized swimming.  As if that matters, right?  LOL.  Right, clearly nobody is checking for their wonderful routine.  I know, that synchnon swimming is veeeery athletic.  A sport completely befitting an Olympic crown.

Ahhh, yes synchronicity.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Hey, I’m trying to stop posting pics, but it’s reaaally hard with these two.  I like it.

– Lake