J Game Done Changed: Fake or Real?


It’s the classic Us vs. Them topic.  The breast, that wonderful gift from the lawd that can provide joy, amusement or even a nutritious snack, depending on your point of view.  Anyway, we’ve officially come out against Fake Js many times.  Of course, like Sarah Palin’s bridge, we were for them before we were against them.

They’re bad for women because they’re unsafe.  They’re bad for dudes because they feel like shit, are often more nasty than sexy and somehow, even the hype ones, cheapen the chick

…and we can’t have that.  So we here at UvT headquarters want to separate the real from the fake, the high from the lo.

So we ask you.  Is she dead nice or fuckin with knifes?  Are they bad ass tits or better meant for the skrip? Did she get it from her mama or should we treat them like Osama?  You decide America (incidentally, aren’t you sick of people on those bullshit reality tv shows addressing “America” when it’s time for a vote?  Hey half talents, “America” can’t be addressed.  America isn’t a person, it’s a place.  Stop appealing to “America” with your bullshit, thx).  Yall let me know, were they made for Lake or stuck on with puddy and tape?

Our first contestant is Tanned up Fake JLo aka Dania Ramirez from Heroes.

Damn.  I’ll tell you this.  While it may be her natural skin color, I do believe this chick has the best tan I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  I mean, she’s just sun kissed and so are those tittay!  What say you?  Real Deal Holyfield or Fake for the Cake, burn them at the stake?  I know, I know, you need angle 2, don’t we all?

Whoooo wee.  That aerial view is a beast.  Let me tell you.  They may very well be fake, but this chick has MASTERED the art of accentuating the angle.  I mean, her internal side boob game was TIGHT on picture one.  Then she showed versatility when she put them J’s on dubbs!  I guess stuntin really is a habit.  I mean, them bamas are sittin on HIGH, waiting to be seen.  And I gotta say, from the neck to the collar bone, down to the heat, I’m a believer.  She’s really showing me something, fake titities or not!  Wide angle please.

Now, uhhhh, that’s an interesting outfit.  Hmmm, honey touched skin, office pants, red cummerbund strapped up with the full on J’s out.  I mean, really mixing that working woman with that working woman!!!! If you know what I mean. Anyway, it’s a close call.  At least for me.  I try not to think about it too much when we’re under triple D’s.  So we gotta put it to the people.  Fake or Real?

– Lake


I went on a hunt to see if Dania Ramirez reached that fineness quoitent that apparently requires thickness for membership.  And quite frankly, it was hard.  I mean, it’s a chicken or egg situation.  Is it her gear that prevents thickness explooration or are those garments basically the proverbial haystack for that neddle that really just aint there.  Who knows, all I know is that I went with the “Lil Jon” approach to reporting and this is what I got.

“Bend ova to the flo’ touch your toes”

“garble-garble, garble garble, it’s low”

“Awwww, somethin, somethin, somethin, you scared, you scared”

“Now, back back back it up, YEAH, back back back it up”

“now stop, OH, and wiggie with it, AHNT, stop OH and wiggie wit it”

Now see, that’s some bullshit.  But that’s all you really get with this chick.  Let me just show everybody what we should be looking at to keep everything clean and above board.

Dammit, was I the only one who heard “BIA BIAAAAAAAA, why you actin’ like a, like a” when you saw that?  No?  Aww, F yall.  You best come on in and get with these here musical analogies.  Anyway, this is all she’s offering.

Only song I can think of is, what, the Sounds of Silence – Simon and Garfunkel, don’t hate.

Anyway, the Verdict Is In.

Resoundingly FAKE.

Very fake.  Thanks for playing, though.

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18 Responses to “J Game Done Changed: Fake or Real?”

  1. KIR in NV Says:

    @Lake: America Ferrera called and wanted to know why you were clowning her. I took care of it. However, as 100% All Natural, No Fillers Added ladies, we both voted for fake for Ms. Ramirez. Sorry.

  2. Be On It Says:

    Fake, but I give her props for going for a more natural looking upgrade. All cars are not made for 28s, so why go there if you don’t have to?

  3. otis Says:

    man that first pic made me think fake cause the way they was sitting and the second gave me a more real look but again i would say fake even though shes a bad broad i would lay down im just sayin if ur flat theres no reason to get fake ones but still keep em small u need to upgrade past a b at least cause if u dont it just looks like titty muscles

    minus all the muscles and no i dont condone this kinda of nudy booty

  4. Side eye Says:

    Great tits. Very fake. Damn, she is sexy though.

  5. Will Says:

    THem joints are fake as hell. She is cute tho. Cute like my best friend’s 15-yr old sister who might one day be fine-type of cute.

  6. Be On It Says:

    @ Will – I’m just curious, what exactly do you consider fine? Cause I think Dania is beautiful – but she lacks the va va voom of an Adriana Lima. Do you adhere to the Southern philosophy that fine = brick house = Coke bottle shape? Lord knows dudes down here will call a chick fine if she’s got junk in the trunk and a Gremlin face. I’m from the Midwest, where straight/a’ight = solid B to B+ in all categories; fine = nice face; sexy = nice bod; and DAMN! = face and bod on point in all categories. Inquiring minds want to know your grading system.

  7. Killa Kaika Says:

    Funny…even with the twins hanging out, she does not appear sexy whatsoever. Agree with Will, she is cute at the most. Oh, yeah, ‘they’ are fake: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3133/2710845214_3cba260599.jpg?v=0

    BTW, her character in Heroes sucks! She could have killed that friggin’ Sylar with just one thought. What a dumb B (her character)! Can’t wait for Heroes tho.

  8. Lake Arlington Says:

    @Will, seems to me cats are kind of low balling this babe. Granted, it’s my bad, but there is not sufficient evidence to say that she lacks sufficient thunder to place her in the “fine” category. We need more angles, more pictures.

    I’m familiar with the southern fineness quotient, but believe me, it’s a sliding scale. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t think Deion Sander’s wife Pilar, for instance, isn’t “fine.” And she’s super thin with that fake J combo up top. Let me rustle up some angles before we denigrate this fine Amurican errr Dominican woman. On a search I got.

  9. KIR in NV Says:

    @Lake: We need a B!tch Please on Trick #1 with that magic marker bs. And she need to pull up them slacks. The look on the face of Trick #2 tells us she’s not frontin with those factory add-ons. Xzibit even thinks that ish is wack.

  10. KIR in NV Says:

    Those are some nice Christian Louboutin kicks she’s wearing in the guitar pic.

  11. Lake Arlington Says:

    @ Kir, the red bottoms… unfortunately, I peeped those too.

  12. Will Says:

    @Brother Lake: You do realize that that is Vida Guerra in the phone pic? From her infamous ‘hacked’ phone series? Definitely NSFW! (yo, them interns missed this, huh)

    you’re welcome 🙂

  13. Will Says:

    @Be: I think I’ve said repeatedly that i think Halle Berry is a very fine woman. Ol girl Dania just looks……very cute. Lima – Gorgeous/stunning. Vida – hot! Kardashian – wow! Beyonce is fine in my book. like, FINE! Aaliyah (bless her soul) was a fiiiine/ beautiful woman.
    A. Jolie is gorgeous! See how far Dania slides down the scale compared to these chix? lol OH!!! snap! Alicia Keys – the face, the features, the hair, AND a booty – now THATS fine!! 😀

  14. Lake Arlington Says:

    Will, the interns never miss nothing homey..


    But good eye.

  15. Ian M. Summers Says:

    Am I the only man who finds the “real vs. fake” debate to be pretty useless and almost entirely hypothetical in nature? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take a little bit of the real thing before you give me two beach balls worth of the fake shit. But it seems like this is one of those debates that can’t be won, and even if it could, whats the use. Is the preference for real or fake J’s ever really applied in reality?

    Have any UvT readers ever turned a girl down just because she had implants? Have any of us ever had the opportunity, in a real situation, to exercise our preference in a consequential way?

    For me its a definite no on both fronts, I like em real but I’ll take em how they’re coming.

  16. Be On It Says:

    @ Will: Thx for the examples, but I guess I was looking for more of a scale. I’m a scientific kinda person, but I will admit attractiveness is not a set-in-stone kinda thing.

    I agree with most of your examples, except A Keys. Her face just seems average. It’s like she gets bonus points for being closer to a set of standards without actually being that pretty.

  17. KIR in NV Says:

    @Ian: I’ve had to turn down a plastic chick, but that’s because I don’t go that way. lol

  18. Will Says:

    @Lake: ok cool. But here’s a great question: Is there ANY REASON why we ain’t had a Vida G update in awhile? I can’t think of a good reason NOT to have a Vida Revisted posting. Hey, here’s a suggestion – hows about a Vida Guerra update posting. lol

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