Dear Hip Hop, Please, No More Bitchassness…

by

Man, maybe I’m just getting too old for the game.  Maybe I’ve just lost touch.  Maybe I should just accept that a life of family, low salt foods and Jesus fishes needs to replace Vegas, Grecian Goose and verified ignorance.  I don’t know, I suddenly feel like the hip hop curmudgeon and I don’t like it.  Sure, I can deal with violence:

Hypocrisy:

Sexploitation:

and utter tomfoolery:

because those are the reasons I listen to hip hop to begin with.  But let’s be frank here.  There is an epidemic of cat shit that’s attacking the bedrock principles of the art form I know and love.  I mean, it was ok when the cat ass shit was truly artistic, like, if a dude was literally blasting off to planet 3000, I was ok as long as the rhymes stayed funky.

But see Andre 3000 can get away with that shit because he was doing it when cats were literally like, “what the fuk is wrong with this dude”?

I mean, a cat who comes out on the Chris Rock show with some snow boots, shoulder pads and blue wig right in the middle of the Jay Z “Hard Rock Life” and DMX “Get At Me Dog” era, really believes.  But this cat… I mean, goodness, didn’t Puff just recently ask for no bitchassness?

I mean, what the fuck is going on?  And please stop striking that pose like you reeaaally just nailed that outfit too.  haaa, this shit is awful.  Kanye, I really like your music and I do believe that you’re generally a sincere cat.  But on the rizzeal, you’re not that fashion forward dude you think you are.  Sure you have some cats following your steez, but they’re all fucking terrible and wack or quite literally on some other, high-lo, ignorant-intelligent, deep-shallow thespian bullshit.

Man, I’m telling you. These damn weirdos (I said it) have finally gotten under my skin.  All these dudes out here trying to be soooo different.  What ever happened to conformity?  I mean, I used to laugh when I heard those terrible ass NYC bouncers warn us “we can get gully in here sun, I told you, clear this area”  Ahhhhnnt Hell, I’m longing for those days now.  What ever happened to “punching a nilla in the face just for living” (Mobb Deep)?  I mean, I thought those days were the low point.  I thought DMX was taking shit too far.  Then I saw this.

And no I don’t care that those shoes are the hottest thing in Milan, that your extra medium tuxedo shirt is made of finely spun Mongolian cotton or that you had the vision to match it all with a suit from Men’s Warehouse just to keep it “organic” or whatever silly explanation you have for this ‘fit.  And no, I don’t give a hot damn about the strappy juxtaposition between the braces and the backpack or that fucked up green floor and your fucked up lack of a haircut.  I don’t know and I don’t wanna know, ok?

Jesus, Buddah, Allah, someone, please help us.  Obviously we’re not figuring this thing out down here.  Stop dressing like a gay euro.  Stop rocking shit you know looks wack, juuust becuase you think you’ll be seen as different.  Stop singing songs that truly require actual vocal ability and most of all, just stop being a bitch.

Put down that purse and pick up a ball, remote, a beer..dammit, something, anything.  I’m with Sarah Palin on this one, go shoot some Moose mufuckers, leave the cat shit be.

There, I said it.

– Lake

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27 Responses to “Dear Hip Hop, Please, No More Bitchassness…”

  1. Larvis Gel Says:

    Thanks for saying this. I’ve been thinking the same shiat for a long, long time. Striving for Donatella Versace’s acceptance is NOT hip-hop.

  2. KIR in NV Says:

    Damn Lake, tell em why you mad son! You (continue) to be on point on all points. The I Ain’t Like You, I’m Special, Ya Feel vibe went out with the MJ single glove and Hammer pants but nobody showed these fools the memo. Look, your non-conforming ass IS conforming because everytime we tune in, there you are, in some wild getup trying to one up some other ignorant mofo. WE SEEN IT, OKAY? Now just stop it.

  3. otis Says:

    hahaha man yall hatin on my boy ye. hes been wildin out for awhile but yeah some of that shit is bugged out. but i must say his concert i went to this year was on fuckin point and kinda sad cause it was in oklahoma city and thats where his mom was from and he started gettin emotional on stage talkin bout we back home and such neway yeah he need to go back to the college dropout days

  4. okolepuka Says:

    KIR is right!

    This non-conformist attitude is so conformist it is boring. In my opinion it exposes many of these “artists” for what they are, frauds. So many of them are inauthentic.

    KIR, if you are in Vegas, UNLV basketball is supposed to shine this year.

  5. Lindsay Lover Says:

    Agreed. Hip Hop is so gay at this point, it’s disgusting. Either that or it’s so hood that it’s a joke. Most of these motherfuckers are true artists meaning, if they weren’t playing studio gangster, they’d be twirling around in a fucking tu tu like Prodigy on that summer jam screen. Fucking horrible.

    Rule Number 1 – “No Gay Shit”.

  6. KIR in NV Says:

    @okolepuka: True on dem Runnin Rebels. The boys are looking real good. Wish that shine translated to the Tacklin Rebels. Tacklin, my ass. They had a nice little intrasquad throwdown during spring practice that got me all excited for the season but they must have hugged and made up cuz I see zero passion on the field. Somebody find Tark! We need to get some talent on the payroll, stat.

  7. okolepuka Says:

    @KIR

    Yea, Kruger has done an amazing job and he is bringing in some top shelf recruits and transfers. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made it past the sweet 16 this year, it should be exciting.

    Did you watch the Utah game? They showed some grit but the tires came off. I am a little impressed though and hope they can at least and up in the middle of the MWC.

    I know what you mean though, I have no idea why they haven’t fired Sanford.

    Still, I will be a Rebel until the day I die and will support them even in their down years, which appears to be every year.

  8. KIR in NV Says:

    Oh, and upon further inspection, Curtis’s piece he aiming at us got me a little hot. He might be frontin for the camera but that gun look like it could put me on my butt. Just sayin’.

    Those hanging upside down crunches from the In Da Club video…he’s left handed…(KIR’s eyebrows go up)…hmmm, I might have to give Curtis another look. Oh wait, he got crazy baby mama drama. I’ll pass.

  9. KIR in NV Says:

    @okolepuka: I could never understand why UNLV has so much trouble landing the top local recruits in any of the sports, especially football (outside of the fact they haven’t been relevant since the Randall Cunningham days). I can understand the Smith family from Podunk, IA not wanting to send innocent lil Johnny off to Vegas to play some football and lay up with some strippers but that should be no problem for the local kids. It seems like all of the local guys except for D’Angelo Jones (Foothill HS) and Ronnie Paulo (Western HS) weren’t even starters on their HS teams. I dunno.

  10. jkay1229 Says:

    *dead*

    Kanye is on that DC-union-station-wanna-be-different-soft-gay shit. Gets on my nerves trying to be like Pee Wee Herman. Only thing he is missing is the red lip gloss.

  11. Lindsay Lover Says:

    This is totally off topic, but if any of you watch that show Million Dollar Listing, you’ll see a bunch of metro-homo types who literally wear lip gloss.. it’s fucking ridiculous. Can we get some men in our culture (no homo)?

    PS- Kir, what is the significance of the left handed dude? And did you just say the gun got you sexually aroused? Damn, I guess chick really do identify with Palin. Moose burgers on me!

  12. KIR in NV Says:

    @LL: re the left-handed man: In my clinical research on the subject, I have noted that the left-handed male seems to perform critical skills at a higher level than do his right handed counterparts. While carefully reviewing said performances with my fellow researchers, aka the girls, many of us have arrived at similar conclusions on the lefty vs. righty discussion. Therefore, I have determined that, “If it’s left, it’s gotta be right.” I can’t explain it because it doesn’t even really involve the actual use of the hands. The lefty seems to execute the drill on a different level somehow. While I concur that over-analysis of the technique could lead to disappointment and frustration, I have vowed to continue my studies to see if the trait can be isolated and more fully developed. I will make that sacrifice for the greater good.

    And yes, I do love me some guns (but NOT during the skills assessment I mentioned above). It’s weird, I know.

  13. Pe. Riche. Says:

    I have had a crush on Kanye since I first heard “All Falls Down”. I loved the fact that he didn’t wear his pants to his ass and that he wasn’t a “thug”. He could read, write and even knew how to wear a suite.

    However, his new fashion choices do seem a little pretentious. I don’t know, maybe this is his version of a mental meltdown? Either way, I’m sure he will move out of this phase, replace it with a hot song minus all the “singing” and that damn vocoder, and bring back the samples and heavy produced beats we all love. (and will eventually make children to).

  14. Pe. Riche. Says:

    Oh, and one more thing: those are NOT purses! They are too large to be purses. What he has is more like luggage or over night bags , which is essential if, well, you’re staying or going somewhere overnight.

  15. Be On It Says:

    To add to what KIR said:

    There is a scientific study that has proven left handed men think out of the box and tend to be more creative than right handed men. This does not carry over to women. Could be why left handed men are better at executing the drill. They, unlike their right handed counterparts, don’t bring the wackness they learned from pornos into the bedroom. It is a colossal pain having to reeducate these nuccas from that foolishness. I should have charged them for the upgrade, and charged their future ladies for reaping the benefit of my labor.

  16. Will Says:

    LMFAO!! Yo! I cannot comment right now….im just laughing too hard!! I’ll be back later!!….. oh shit

  17. Will Says:

    gyot damn this the funniest shit yall posted! i cant even get past that 1st Kanye pic and comment! Ima try again later…(tears n shit)

  18. Will Says:

    *damn finally stopped laughing*

    Hiphop – i USED to love H.E.R. – but damn!! she making it hard for a brotha nowadays! Between homos-oh no’s-metros-downlows-goblins-wannabees-never beens-and pure (i cant hold this back, im sorry) deep south lameness taking over ( i offend anyone yet?) – i can barely fucc with rap anymore. Really tho? – HOW MUCH CRACK CAN ONE GUY SELL?

    anyway – Im ditc for underground shit and old classics. I’m revisiting ’94-thru-’98 and wondering ‘just wtf happened?’
    Im peeping cats like Little Brother, Acelyone, Nicolay and Foreign Exchange, Justus League, shit like that. (Shit that Lake never een heard of 😛 )

    Kanye is a fuccin retard. And I aint hating when I say that. I like the mans music. Its just that the shit he’s doin’ ain’t even progressive! It was first done by Q-Tip nearly 2 decades ago. Then Kool Keith did his weird shit. Then Andre 3000 did his thing. Then Skateboard P made being a nerd cool. Even Common had his lil ‘I’ve been Badu’d!’ spell and that shit only lasted ONE album. ha

    Kanye just looks like str8 up ass.

  19. KIR in NV Says:

    @Be: Hmmmm….you got me thinking. I might need to look into putting a formal curriculum together and establishing appropriate tuition rates. Enrolling dudes and getting ‘em KIR-certified. Charging for post-graduate placement. I like it.

    I can’t tell you how many penalty flags I’ve had to throw for false start, illegal formation, intentional grounding, illegal use of hands, delay of game…the list goes on. Are they not teaching the fundamentals of the game anymore?

    @Will: Oh, that Pharrell…I likes.

  20. Lake Arlington Says:

    @Kir, What if you’re amphibious like me? I dribbled the ball with my left foot, but liked to shoot with my right (I was nice). Then I swung the bat with my right, but keep shit pretty on my left. I shoot the puck (Alaska in da house AHHHHHNNTT) with my left, but write with the right. And while I cut down the center, plenty chicks done got left. Maybe that’s why they won’t friend me on FB…

    @Will, I do know Little Brother out of Durham North Cakolina!!! Could I get through that CD when my mans and them demanded that I peep it? No. I aint with all that conscious shit. Give me ignorance or give me death. I’ve got books for uplift. Rosy F will tell you. When I’m in the club, I don’t want to hear that positive shit.. like Chris Rock said, “answer me this, answer me this.. can you whoop (pat, pat) my ass?”

    Keepin it real (still)…..

    – Lizzy the left foot

  21. KIR in NV Says:

    @Lake: “And while I cut down the center, plenty chicks done got left.” Damn. I’m sure a dude like yourself got the drill down. I need to find an ambidextrous sample though to run my own tests against the models.

    Now, onto this accreditation university program I’m looking at, I got Brock as Adjunct Professor of Assology. Can I count you in as instructor for the Advanced J Lecture Series?

  22. Lake Arlington Says:

    Kir- Yes Ma’am. After today, I’d follow you into battle! Thy will I shall obey! ha In fact, Sarah Palin, is that yooooooooou?

  23. Killa Kaika Says:

    @Lake’s “Give me ignorance or give me death.” and with that type of thinking is the reason why Hip Hop is dead. There is no more creativity in this genre. All the new generation wants is who can be more ignorant than the last guy. Seriously, the new era of Hip Hop makes the creators, the rappers and listeners dumber than ever.

    I agree with you that when in the club, no one wants to hear that positive message. But can I at least get something as nice as “Big Poppa”?

    Oh, how I miss the 90’s.

  24. Lake Arlington Says:

    Killa Killa, you think Big Poppa was intelligent hip hop? The problem with conscious hip hop is that it’s as much of a gimmick as excess hip hop or gangster rap. Sure, there are a few exceptions. Get By by Kweli Talib, but most of it is just a money grab like all the rest. I’m not going to look to something for inspiration that is designed for entertainment. And by the way, the original hip hop was not conscious. It was about partying and having a good time. That is the original hip hop, not BDP, Grandmaster Flash (the first real deviation from that) or Cool Moe D. But I feel you. I’m not from “the younger generation,” I’m just old enough to know that rap is not going to teach you much substance and what little it does, it will be well offset by the hypocrisy and bs. So I just sit back and look for beats, hooks and punchlines..In that order. Let them over deliver and make me happy, rather than raise my expectations and wonder why “Juicy” isn’t making me say Hmmmmm.. how’s that for the 90’s AHNT

    – Lake, the most well-rounded cat in the blogisphere “I tried tah told ya” (sic)

  25. The REAL Ending to Super Mario Brothers « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] Link is a lefty though, so Princess Zelda was probably down with him.  (If you don’t get that joke, check the comments on this post) […]

  26. CreoleInDC Says:

    HILARIOUS!

  27. tanyetta Says:

    Leave the cat shit be!!!!!!!!

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