Keeping it Simple: UvT Loves Lohan’s….Eyes


After that heart breaking post about those God awful VMAs, it touches my heart to show you all something I do like.  Lindsay Lohan.

The all natural woman is unbeatable.  And the best thing about the natural woman, you can dress her up in a bunch of different outfits and it’s like Christmas morning errytime.

Lindsay is great.

– Lake


The interns have been working all morning to bring the “hard evidence” the people demand on Lindsay.  Lindsay has tried a lot of things, posing nude, allegedly appearing in a sex tape, rehab, and now she’s one of them girls who likes them girls.

Here’s my question.  When you cross it over, why do you go for the chick who looks like a dude?  I never understand that.  You know my position on vegetarians eating soy hot dogs, this seems like the same thing.  And by the same thing I mean it ain’t right.  Look, I’m all for it, in fact the Lindsay Lohan lesbian sex tape might be an all time best seller.  I thing her lady is down for it.  She even checks her out like a dude.

First she checks the thickness…

Then she peeps the J game…

At least Samantha Ronson appreciates the same things we appreciate and isn’t talking about Lindsay’s “inner spirit” and “willingness to share herself”.  I don’t need that.

You know what?  I’m glad.  I don’t care what Lindsay’s motivation is, as long as she never goes back to looking like this:

That wasn’t good for anyone.  Oh, and as far as that hard evidence is concerned, Lake doesn’t have the sex tape (yet).  But here is the best we can do.

I have to be honest though.  That is not going to stop Lake.  In fact, I think we just made him worse.  Now instead of just thinking he can pull Lindsay, he now thinks the threesome is a full on possibility.

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23 Responses to “Keeping it Simple: UvT Loves Lohan’s….Eyes”

  1. mrod Says:

    I found my religion. Dear lord. Let me rest in that valley.

  2. KIR in NV Says:

    I suppose it doesn’t really matter but y’all do realize Lindsay’s switched teams, right?

  3. Be On It Says:

    KIR, never underestimate a man’s power to ignore the obvious.

  4. KIR in NV Says:

    @Be: Ha! I know they hoping to catch her on the street and give her 6 minutes of UvT lovin’ to set her “straight”. Bless their hearts.

  5. Todd Says:

    Has it been confirmed that she switched teams? Or is she just taking a couple at-bats from the other side of the plate?

    I need some hard evidence. I’m talking tongue-on-tongue action. Not a couple of pics with her holding hands with some chick.

  6. KIR in NV Says:

    @Todd: I’m sure the UvT interns are currently scouring the internets for the “hard evidence” (lol) you need. Stay tuned. In the meantime, I think she recently put her pops on blast for criticizing her sexual lifestyle choices. A potentially sexually conflicted chick with substance abuse and daddy issues? Sounds like a recipe for relationship success to me!

  7. Be On It Says:

    @ Todd: Yep, daddy and drug issues, and the whole gamut of relationship problems, are all a Latifah needs to slide right on in there.

    Ronson: Baby, you don’t ever have to worry about a man hurting you again. I can give you everything you need and more…
    [cut to Lohan prepared to receive …damn, the thought is so disgusting I can’t even type it.}

    Anywho, most chicks that go that route for any extended period of time never come back. She gone fellas, G-O-N-E

  8. KIR in NV Says:

    @Be: LOL…we ain’t falling for the silicone or gel or whatever the faux dack is made of (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little). Honestly, sometimes I feel sorry for the male species. Now I need to go find some nekkid pics of Boris Kodjoe to cleanse my palate.

  9. Brock Hardon Says:

    That’s another thing I don’t understand. Faux dack and rubber cack? If you like the gentle touch of a lady what is with all the tools and male simulation? While we’re at it, I just want to point out the fact that lesbians are so much more acceptable than gay men bacause of the way women interact in public. Women will hold hands, take a shower with each other in a room (don’t get me started on football teams and what is acceptable in men’s sports), sleep in the same bed on vacation. Guys can’t, won’t and shouldn’t do any of that. Come on ladies of UvT, you know you had that drunken “experiment” in college. Go on tell your man Brock. In detail. And send the pic of the other chick if you’ve got em. What? I’m just sayin’.

  10. Will Says:

    Man if THIS is switching teams – by batting .100 – wtf?! Ol girl looks like a cross between an oompa-loompa, pee wee herman, and a random stalker. How is this sexy?

  11. Be On It Says:

    I’ve been hit by women, but never had that drunken experiment. Did you fail to remeber I went to an HBCU? First off, that kind of foolishness is unacceptable. Second, nothing is ever secret on a black campus, so be prepared for it to come out, and for you to be forever branded as gay, or best case, bi. Third, and most importantly, the female body has absolutely no appeal to me. Appreciating my own soft skin and curves? Yummy. Appreciating another woman’s? Vomit inducing. Give me a big muscular man, ashy kneecaps and all.

    @ Will: Every lesbian relationship has a masculine and feminine party. Lohan clearly is the “woman” in the relationship. So you know Ronson had to get her Pete Wentz on.

    @ Brock: I never liked the old faux dack. Well, at least not for deep diving. But I was quite fond of the oscillations of a certain pink electronic device. Almost made me buy stock in Duracell.

  12. KIR in NV Says:

    I have a homegirl who’s lesbian and she and her lady are NOT, repeat NOT, down with the faux dack. They get all weirded out whenever it comes up (ha!) in conversation. However, I’ve been to some parties at their house and there are usually a couple dudes, I mean chicks, there that are strapped up (and by “strapped” I don’t mean strapped like I keep it strapped). Those are the ones who call each other dawg and shit.

    And to follow your observation about Lindsay’s choice, why do the “dudes” in these relationships always have names that can be shortened to male-sounding names? Samantha becomes Sam, Danielle becomes Dan, Natalie becomes Nat…

    And sorry Brock, no experimentation in KIR’s past, present or future. I’m a *dedicated* meatarian.

  13. Lindsay Lover Says:

    Lindsay aint on another team. She just got traded for a second. One thing we know about Linds is that she is a complete freak. She aint giving up the high heat for life, you can believe that. I hate to be crude, but her fucking tits are incredible. Wow.

  14. Lake Arlington Says:

    Be and Kir – Come on now. Yall know good and well that Ms. Lohan has not sworn off cack… And that damn Peter Pan looking he/she aint gonna change that. I won’t say that it’s sexy that she’s with that ridiculously looking chick, but at least she aint on some tranny shit. One thing about Lindsay we learned from that dude who kissed and told is that she’s super freaky…the babe is bad and fairly interesting. I like it.

  15. Todd Says:

    Okay, so I saw the update.

    While I appreciate the UvT interns searching high and low for evidence, I’m still not convinced. Yeah, the last pic has her planting a kiss on ol girl. Eh, I’m not impressed. I mean, have you seen these young girls out here? They’re singing that “I kissed a girl and I liked it” bs. It’s just a phase. Like LL said above, if anything, she only got traded for a second.

    I need that hard evidence. I need Lindsey going… should I put it…”deep sea fishing”…on Ms. Ronson. I need that undisputable, case-closed, hard evidence.

    *bangs gavel*

  16. Be On It Says:

    Lake, the only way Lohan comes back to the fold is if Sammy there f@cks up and stops meeting the emotional needs. Everyone knows at least one homegirl (or even a dude) who stuck with someone with subpar sex skills, no job, etc., etc., etc., waaaay too long because “they were there for me.” Seriously. Think about it. Especially since Lohan was all cracked out, skin-ty, and a train wreck before she improved her cunnilingual skills. Now, since she’s gone public with all that, she’s picked up weight, stayed out of rehab, and regained hotness. Sounds like a happy camper to me. And what can be more freaky that girl on girl? Neva mind, do NOT answer that.

  17. KIR in NV Says:

    @Lake: I dunno man. I think you dudes dropped the ball on this one and Lindsay ain’t coming back.

    And what were you talking about her and her different outfits? Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t she rockin the same getup in pics 1, 2 and 5? Sam with the same convict gear in pics 3 and 7, the same dumb hat and unfiltered Camels in pics 3, 4 and 7? Damn, don’t these girls ever change their clothes? For all the pub this couple generates, I’m surprised there isn’t more variety in the UvT pictorial archive.

  18. Nor*Cal Says:

    Be on it- Girl on girl on girl?

  19. RosyF Says:

    I gotta agree with Lake, Lindsey is going to comeback. Angelina Jolie did after she dated that Asian Calvin Klein model chic

    As for faux dack it’s just another sex toy for some, but if someone is wearing it all the time then probably wanting to be male and living as such i.e. transgender. But there are lots of lesbian couples who don’t take on the stereotypical gender roles which is why we are not as quick to be like of there goes a lesbian couple.

  20. Lindsay Lover Says:

    Rosy, I don’t want to hear that real lesbian break down shit. Didn’t you hear Uvt rule No. 44, and Puff Rule No. 1, No Bitchassness and yes, that does extend to cat snatchers and carpet cleaners. Yuck.

    “take on gender roles” blah blah blah… fuck that, where’s Sarah Palin when you need her? All that shit is nasty.

  21. The J Game is a Cruel, Cruel Game « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] J Game is a Cruel, Cruel Game Lindsay Lohan was lovely and Lake was loving it just two days ago.  Then we got hit with her skinny girlfriend Sam.  Now there are marriage rumors, and we get this […]

  22. RosyF Says:

    C’mon Lidsay Lover, I know the Rules and #23 is “do you”. All this talk of what someone does being nasty or yuck is juvenile. Unless you are wearing a purity ring and have no clue (ahnt) someone out there thinks something you are doing is nasty. So if it aint yourflow don’t do it, don’t worry about it, and let people be. This is UvT homey so free your mind and focus on the important things like getting your abs right, your gear right, and your rhetoric right.

  23. KIR in NV Says:

    @RosyF: I know you prolly didn’t mention it cuz it goes without saying, but outside of getting the abs, gear and rhetoric in check, which are all key points, that loot need to be tight as well. T-I-G-H-T.

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