Guns, Liquor and Unprotected Sex – Sarah Palin is an American Hero!


You gotta hand it to those Republicans.  They said they wanted a buzz and dammit, they got their buzz.

This Sarah Palin shit is about as good as it gets.  Her selection by McSame W. Bush was met with confusion.

Hell, most of the Republicans I know thought she didn’t have the qualifications to be a Vice Presidential Candidate.  See, they didn’t have their little sound bytes and talking points ready defend Palin beyond pointing out that she likes guns, moose burgers and Amurica.

So when the revelations of how her ineffective policy positions were biting her own family in the ass, you knew it would take them a day or so to figure out how to spin it.  And just like we all knew they would, the Republicans have used some more of their twisted logic to actually spin this Bristol Palin is Pregnant into a positive pro life position that has turned into “Sarah Palin is a HERO!”  A Hero?  Is that what you call a mother who preaches responsibility to your child, but can’t control her own?  Is that what you call someone who tells us just to tell your kids “just say no to dack and cat” but who can’t stop her daughter from throwing so much tail that her friends thought she was pregnant not once, but TWICE?!  Really, are these the actions of a capable “Pro Life” candidate?  I didn’t know getting your freak on in an Igloo with some Captain Morgan in your cup and weed in your lungs was an expression of “Pro Life” values, but you’ve definitely got my attention now that I’ve heard that it could be.  Peep Bristol’s myspace act.

haaaa, I know, I know, it’s just one picture, right?  Hmmm, let’s see if Bristol gets her drink on as much as she gets her spank on.

Oh yeah, wait, is that Genesse Beer?

LOL.  Let me just say that if you take this many pictures in front of liquor and they’ve found their way onto the internet, you aren’t too worried about Governor Mommy Amurica finding out that you sip the sizzurp.  But that’s family values right?  Of course it is.  And enough about this dude Levi and his plans to marry Bristol just because he put one on goal.  I mean, look at the cat.

He looks like Adam Morrison’s Mini Me.

And yes, that is Bristol Palin strapped up with not one, but two gats.  Trench Coat Mafia move over.  What the fuck?  What, they have sex, get their drink on and then do a drive by?  Oh, I know, this isn’t that kind of gun totting, this is wholesome teenage “extra circular” activity, right?  They’re sportsman enjoying the great outdoors by killing whatever they see.  I get it.  And I’m loving those jeans young Levi has on, too.  Very stylish.  Hey Levi, why not start by getting yourself, well, some Levis!  On Levi Johnston’s myspace page, he described himself as “a fucking redneck” and judging from this pic, I believe him.  I just want to know since when have “fucking rednecks” rocked fat laces and an Adam Morrison wig/hat combo?

I know Levi, I’m just an asshole, believe me, you’ll get used to it.  Hey, I’m starting to like these Republicans and their version of “family values.”  Best I can tell, you can do anything you want as long as you say you’re Anti-Abortion and Anti-Gay marriage and it’s just all good.  But just let me get this Republican values system straight.  When I bang chicks out raw dog, which really is the best way, that’s Pro Life.  But when I responsibly strapped up with a condom thereby avoiding an unwanted preggers, that’s not in accord with “Amurica’s core values”?  Well shit, where do I sign up?  I love the Republicans.  They definitely let me know there’s a place for my philandering ass in that “big tent” they have over there.  I even saw John McSame As Bush getting Republican Jiggy with some Pro Life Honeys.

I’m with it.

– Lake

19 Responses to “Guns, Liquor and Unprotected Sex – Sarah Palin is an American Hero!”

  1. otis Says:

    hahahahah yall are getting funnier by the day. damn was that really her daughter gettin her drank on like that? hahahah wtf myspace thuggin it like its a lil wayne video

  2. Lake Arlington Says:

    Yes, that’s her (and the father of her child, Levi Johnston). I wondered too at first, but she’s got different hair color and is a little heavier now that she’s 5 months preggers. Let’s just hope she’s off the captain and coke now that she’s got a belly full of conservative values.

  3. Be On It Says:

    Naw, i think she’s still chugging. I would send a link of this page to one of my extreme right friends, but the sight of a family values child w/ the drinky drinky might make her head explode.

  4. okolepuka Says:

    Lake, dude, the kid is 17.

    I am grateful my dad never ran for office, my history at 17 would not only have lead to his defeat but we probably would have been investigated by the state.

    “people’s families are off limits, and people’s children are especially off limits.”….Barack Obama

    I initially came here for the women but that angle seems to be fading. Is this turning into a political blog, an extension of the D party? There are plenty of those to go around. If you are trying to be an activist for the D party you need to go higher brow, this ripping on a 17 year old will keep you out on the fringe. Your blog seems to have more potential than that.

  5. danielle Says:

    Love your work! keep it up.

  6. Lake Arlington Says:


    not surprisingly, i disagree. hey man, i write what i write. you act like this isn’t the height of the political season and like it or not, this stuff is huge in the news. what should i be discussing, my pre season nfl impressions? you can choose to ice me out, but just know that with every single post we do, someone is offended. that’s the’s us versus them, meaning, this is what we think, you deal with it like it or not. the fact that she’s 17 is relevant to me, only because her mother has chosen to put her in this position by accepting this nomination AND now is trying to spin her pregnancy for her own political gain.

    moreover, Republicans get far too many passes on their hypocrisy, moralizing and lies, so you have to hit them hard when something this blatantly ironic comes up. the blog has always been political (read the archives under ‘politics’) and while i’m appreciative for all my readers including you, the fact that you don’t like it that i take no prisoners on one topic, but not all the others, doesn’t really move me much. i don’t come high brow, i prefer to keep it low where it belongs. this shit aint complex homey. but just so you know, i hold TWO degrees that sufficiently qualify me to substantively comment on all these issues. the girl is 17 and shouldn’t be in this spotlight. but that’s her mother’s fault for putting her political aspirations in front of her family.

    i know that she and those like her didn’t mind sticking it to my family and yours, but this is somewhat of a surprise for me. with that said, she (sarah palin) is getting what she deserves. you go and un-dead all those people who lost their lives in hurricane katrina, iraq and during 9/11 due to Republican bullshit and i’ll stop pounding on a family that preaches bogus family values that even they can’t uphold.

    see ya when i start talking about hoes, asses and high waist pants again. until then, the gloves will stay off. thx

  7. KIR in NV Says:

    I don’t know about other parts of the country but I know that out west here, having and using guns is no big deal. There’s always kids at the range when I go out. I would imagine that in places as remote as Alaska, it’s even more so. I mean, here in Nevada, state statute allows you to open carry so I can roll up to the grocery store with my Glock holstered in plain view. It is accepted. Guess that makes me a redneck too!

    Levi looks at least part Native to me. He’s kinda cute for a boy.

    @okolepuka: I’m glad none of my family members is politically inclined either! I was a badass little girl making trouble all over the place. I look back and shake my head at my stupidity.

    Sadly though, I think the scrutiny is why many people opt out of public service. While they may be prepared to answer for their own past, they don’t want to have their family members dragged through the mud.

    I was comforted to see Obama trying to quash the “politics as usual”. This is what turns people off (understandable) and keeps them from voting (inexcusable). Then the rest of us wonder how clowns keep managing to get elected. I don’t mind the Palin family discussion but hope it doesn’t detract from the issues I think most Americans are concerned with: the war, the economy, immigration, energy policies, health care, etc.

  8. Triple_B Says:

    Man i couldn’t even think of a solid entrance for this i was laughing so hard.

    First and foremost Lake: ON POINT. On both posts.


    You crack me up. I’m not even gonna attack your politics, but let’s take look at your arguments.

    “I initially came here for the women but that angle seems to be fading.”

    I’m assuming this is your primary reason for reading which UvT has plenty of in fact i was getting a little overwhelmed of late, to be honest.

    then you hit us with this gem:

    “There are plenty of those to go around.”

    Hell there are plenty of girlie sites to go around. THIS IS THE INTERNET! If you got rid of all the porn the only websites left would be the IRS and a site called “Bring Back the Porn” You could easily find your entertainment elsewhere!

    And so what if Lake does advocate the “D party”, this is a blog homey. Personal opinions are expected. If this were a TV news channel like….hmm let’s say…..oh i don’t know…..FOX news then we would expect a “fair and balanced” report of current events.

    Also she’s 17, yeah but she’ll be 18 by the time that bun pops out of the oven. Will she be fair game then?


  9. otis Says:

    wow the comments are crazy haha. i agree that it is a story that should be dicsussed cause palin has chosen to be basically the 2nd highest ranking person in office and i think to myself that how can she run the country when she cant keep her 17 year old from drinking getting pregnant and then having the pictures on the net of her drinking underage. yes when they were posted im sure palin was vp choice yet she was still governor. so that should be brought up basically as what kind of mother is she if she is preaching family values and such when cant control her teenager.

    u make a good point cause its true if u dont like it u dont have to read and one persons point of view on a 17 year old isnt gonna change a whole website and if someone doesnt like it im sure fox news isnt talkin about it

  10. Moose Burger Says:

    The author is right and he’s honest. Unlike this Alaska chick who is the person we should all be blaming for putting her daughter’s life on display. If Obama’s daughter was pregnant these dickheads would have a field day with their “he’s out of touch with American values” bullshit. But when one of their people gets caught out there, suddenly is makes Gov. Palin “closer to everyday Americans.” Republicans are fucking liars and they’ll say anything to get elected. When will it end? Then some dumbass gets mad at this guy because he calls it like it is? Remember the so called “welfare queens” the Republicans used to talk about? They didn’t have any problem shitting on those women… Fuck that shit. Forget keeping the gloves off, I’m putting our my switch blade for these assholes. After 8 years of this shit, you bet your ass I’m mad… No mercy.

  11. Derek P Says:

    What are you guys babbling about? The blog is hilarious, always has been always is, regardless of the topic. Long live UvT! Keep it coming. Oh and Kir, like you, I keep it strapped up with a carrying license. You never know.

  12. jkay1229 Says:


    I’m officially dead. It’s such a joy to read your thoughts on shit. You say what everybody thinks but may not know how to put down in a written form. Everybody is looking at me crazy over here at work cause I’m laughing that hard.

  13. okolepuka Says:


    I understand your point and your anger, really, it is a fair point but my concern is this focusing on a 17 year old girl is counter productive. Shit, focus on Palins lack of ANY experience outside of managing a small town and briefly managing an unpopulated state. She is a midget compared to Biden. The kid is not a campaign issue, at all, she represents a weakness, a chink in the armor, an easy target, that is all she is. She is not relevant.

    Just my opinion.

    I have to give you credit though, you are one funny writer, really talented.

    “high waist pants again.” Please don’t.

  14. KIR in NV Says:

    I’m glad to know that most of the readers here were obedient young’uns cuz I know I wasn’t trying to hear NONE of what my parents – or most adults for that matter – were talking about when I was in high school. The truth is they *tried* to check me then but I wasn’t having it. I wouldn’t put the blame on them for my behavior though. They did what they could but this KIR just does it her way. I accept the consequences for my choices and I’ve tried to learn from my mistakes. Some of us, and maybe Bristol is in this group, don’t simply follow the company policy as it’s handed down.

    On another note, I am interested in hearing about the secret is for controlling other people. That might come in handy.

    @Derek P: Word. I don’t intend to get caught out there by some thugged up banger who wants to get his name in the paper. It’s a crazy world.

  15. Will Says:

    @Lake: Fuck the politics at this point, this shit is funny as all get out! I jacked every damn photo of youngin'(s) – that shit is about to go viral!! ha!
    UvT forever.

  16. Be On It Says:

    KIR, I admire your empathy for Bristol. But seriously, it is not about whether or not teenagers do stupid stuff (because we all do). Her mother is basically running as mother of the year, which should qualify her to be the VP. Her rather commonplace family dilemma is cause for me to inform her that her slip is showing. People who run for public office should know that they are under a bigger microscope. Is it fair? No, but it is what it is. And seeing how Mommy Paulin was a governor before she got preggers, someone should have told her that maybe she might want to be a little more careful, even in the middle of nowhere that is Alaska.

  17. Stizzo Says:

    I think I’m voting Republican so I can involve myself in the political process for the next four years by continually hoping for a nip-slip.

    But seriously, five years ago McCain really WAS considered a renegade Republican. Whoever is running his campaign is fucking up–they’re trying to make him look like a typical Republican party nominee in order to get that mainstream GOP vote. Which may work, but is not what made him intriguing to begin with.

  18. Palin-ly Ridiculous (sorry…. I had to) « Will’s Weblog Says:

    […] Here […]

  19. Susan Gold Says:

    This was wonderful! Every time a Repube opens their mouth about morality a little voice speaks to them and sez: You know you want it!

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