UvT Olympics Update

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I don’t know if my Tivo ain’t hittin’ right, or if there really isn’t anything on anywhere else in the world other than these Olympics on NBC, but ever since Michael Phelps and gymnastics ended, the Olympics aren’t giving me much anymore.  Honestly, I was in a sports bar this weekend getting my fantasy football on, and we ended up with Olympic trampoline (why is that a sport?) and rowing (ditto).  So here’s a quick recap.

First of all it did me proud to see Cullen Jones in the water in the swimming competition.  Sure, the kid almost drowned when he was 5, but he fought against nature to become a gold medal winning swimmer.  It meant a lot to me, especially since the last time I saw a brother in an Olympic pool, this is how it went down.

Now see, that is why brothers don’t swim right there.  Sure, he was representing Equatorial Guinea but somehow that still ain’t right.  He must be the only brother who can swim at all in E.G.  I need to get my Equatorial Guinea citizenship tight so I can go on ahead and get into those 2012 London games.

Next, you all know Brock loves the gymnasties.  She may have busted her ass and lost the gold, but she wins the UvT gold medal for actually looking like a grown woman during the gymnastics competition.

Holla if you hear me girl.  I know, I know, Be On It, she’s not that good looking.  At least she’s not a Blonde, right?  She’s just the best available.  Her body is just in shape.

You gotta love a chick who goes for the reverse crease.  She doesn’t even go with the traditional ass crease, she goes ahead and drops it in the front.  Hilarious.  Look, the lady even looks reasonable in street clothes.

You know what though.  None of that makes her UvT quality.  Okay, some of that does.  But here is what really tipped the scales.

Daaaaamn.  I know old boy didn’t want to go out like that.  But that is what you get for letting a girl, hell letting anyone, who can probably do handstand pushups hit you square in the jaw.  My man dropped like a pile of bricks.  He can’t be that tall if Alicia was looking him dead in the eye.  That is that big, small man problem there.  Trying to be tough.  Now 788,000 people saw him get knocked out cold.  Great.

You know, now Olympic recap is complete without the men of the Olympics.  The ladies of UvT, have been clamoring for it.  Threatening a boycott.  Invoking Title IX.  Hating on Amanda Cicchini.  So we did the right thing.  We took a closer look at the Olympics, trying to find out what the ladies like.  What is that?  I mean I know I like tight tails and thick thighs.  Do the ladies like skrong arms?  Broad shoulders?  Hey, I don’t want to get too deep into our research techniques.  So here’s a little something for the ladies.  These guys are strong, dressed in tight gear.  Willing to show it all off.  Some of the greatest Olympians ever.

Olympic Super heavyweight wrestlers.  Enjoy ladies.  Don’t say I never did anything for you.

Ha!

-Brock

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10 Responses to “UvT Olympics Update”

  1. Stizzo Says:

    Thanks for coming to your senses about Alicia, also known as The Only Gymnast to Ever Have Tits. There’s two reasons why she couldn’t keep her balance on the beam for the US all-around.

    The YouTube vid did it for me too. Her neck may be bigger than most football players, but just wait til this chick retires.

  2. KIR in NV Says:

    Hmmm…I see you working there, Brock. It’s obvious I wasn’t specific enough about what I needed from you but I’ll give you half credit for the effort. At least you didn’t try to serve me with some lame ass, who the hell, no name suspect sport participating clown. That’s something, right?

  3. Be On It Says:

    Brock, am I offended that you think I don’t like blonds. The young lady with the iron fist IS a blond, and you won’t hear a peep of hateration from me. Furthermore, women gymnasts will always get mad props from me. Period.

    I also need to inform you that I don’t have a problem against women who aren’t quick buffy the body-ish (heck, I’M a skinny chick, so I rep for women with real proportions). I just don’t like Amanda Chic-whatever the hell her name is. You lowered your standards, and I called you on it.

    I join KIR in giving you an A for effort with the wrestlers. I’m quite sure some of the sprinters took shirtless pics… like Maurice Greene did back in the day. Now that was getting into the Olympic spirit.

  4. Brock Hardon Says:

    Ioooooon’t know Be… Here is just a quick rundown on Be On It quotes of the week.

    “She’s not hot, not for a blond, not for an athlete, not for anything.”

    “Offensive? Maybe, especially if you happen to like bottle blonds and women who walk and stand like they’re constipated. But only in the respect that I DON’T THINK THIS CHICK IS CUTE! I’d say it to her face: U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no alibi you UGLY!”

    “And I have nothing against blonds, bottle or otherwise. I just don’t understand why some chicks (of all ethnicities) makes them think it looks better. It doesn’t.”

    “If a blond wig piece and a barely decent lower quad is all that is needed to make this list, then you are truly slackin on yo pimpin.”

    “And what is up with borderline ugly white chicks going blond thinking that it makes them look more hot? I know some guys are stupid enough to believe it, but really? Sometimes, a rich auburn or chestnutt brown works waaaay better. Lake, please tell your melonin mates that the bottle blond trick should be used sparingly.”

    I’m just saying, you’ve called out the blonde more in the last week than you have in the last six months. I’d say my assessment based on that is fair. It’s all good. Brock’s personal tribute to the Black woman kicks off tonight.

  5. Triple_B Says:

    UP FROM THE 36th CHAMBER!!!!

    Woo I’m out of it for a little while and everybody get delusions of grandeur. Cats are challenging Be on it and KIR. Ape-like white dudes are dominating the airwaves (yes “ape-like”. yes if i was talking about a black cat it would be racist but i’m not and it isn’t, deal with it.) And “thick” white women are runnin all over the place. Wait that hasn’t changed.

    Since this is an olympic thread and i have been watchin I’m just gonna run it all down. Let’s start with Michael Phelps. Is he great? YES! At this level of competition cats don’t get crushed like that. Just like Bolt, his performance is amazing and embarrassing for his opponents. Has he had the greatest Olympic performance ever? HELL YES!! Any cat who’s arguing about the strokes and the difference in the races and all that hemmin and hawin ,go you your local public pool get me video of you doin butterfy from one wall to other, without stopping and post it here. I will concede my arguement. That being said. IS HE THE GREATEST ATHLETE EVER? No. He’s too specialized. I bet i could beat him runnin from the jungle gym to the monkey bars right now. But i also suspect that if i challenged Mr. Gay in the pool I’d prolly have to save his punk ass from drowning.

    That’s the problem with these sports. Actually thats the problem with the whole greatest athlete ever arguement. You really can’t make that claim for anybody. Sure lebron’s good on the court but Neon Deion could walk him down at present, in one those ridiculous suits! In fact the only people who are really talking this Greatest Athlete Ever ying yang are the announcers. And when was the last time you didn’t clown an announcer, let alone an Olympic one?

    Alright moving along! Alicia Sacremone. I like it! Yes she does have J game and maybe it’s the fact that she’s the only one out of her teens. But she’s tight now and just wait till that woman body comes in. BTW don’t sleep on Nastia Liukin (She’s clearly happy to be mentioned on UvT). Nasty Nas maybe weak now but peep the body lines. And that icy grill. Good Lord. I guaran-damn -tee this is going to be one hot bitch (no offense ladies, it’s the right type of attitude I’m talking about) in the later rounds.

    And now for the pink-toe soccer ho’s! First off before we even get to the stats. Good catch on that nasty apartment that Cichini is rockin. In every pic there is somethin wilin’ out in the background. Damn girl get your life together. Now the tale of the tape. The face: mmmmmm what do you say Mike? Point taken. Lookin a little ratty there amanda. Like Mya when she first came out and you just couldn’t quite get on the bandwagon with it.

    I’m not done yet but i’m done for right now. So…..

    NOT END

  6. Lake Arlington Says:

    Yo Brock – Somehow I missed the reverse crease on my first read through. Nice.

    Triple B I like the “no offense ladies” followed directly by “Now for the pink toe soccer ho’s!! Jeez! ha

  7. Be On It Says:

    Brock, all those comments were placed in posts re: 1 chick. So, if you said I don’t like her, you’d be right cuz I don’t. In my estimation, she only had a handful of things going for her, which led me to believe there were certain qualities that were “adjusting” her score.

    As for not liking blonds, that doesn’t mean I’m hating on you showing love to the lighter ladies. Did I say anything negative about Ohai (the other soccer player)? How about the lady that soccer dude dumped? They may be brunettes, but Nubian they are not. And I shoot hot fire at brunettes too (one in particular).

    Dang, all this clarification over the past few days has dampered my wit. Not to worry, I shall be back…

    Anywho Brock, I appreciate your tribute to the chocolate ladies, tho.

  8. Jackson Says:

    That dude from EG swimming is hilarious. Compared to that dude, Phelps really is the best athlete ever. But then again, I think that’s the point. Swimming is not a sport dominated by superior athletes.

  9. Wood Says:

    Maybe i’m late but has anyone peeped lolo jones not necessarily thick but fine either way

  10. Recent Links Tagged With "citizenship" - JabberTags Says:

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