Man Up Monday: Tyson Gay

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The Olympics are more than halfway over.  USA is still up in the medal count(although the Chinese would probably like to point out the fact they have more Gold medals – ignoring the fact that 16 of their total medals are in Badminton and Shooting).  You know America has been pushing their Olympic heroes in advertising for months now.  Michael Phelps certainly worked out, but several Olympic athletes did not.  Starting with the Hamm brothers in Gymnastics, both went down with injury at the last second.  The US Gymnastics team got the Silver in the team competition (due to the still mysteriously sexy Alicia Sacramone.  More on her tomorrow.)  But not since the Dan and Dave debacle of 1992 has an Olympic athlete flamed out like this.

Tyson Gay was America’s best hope for capturing the title of “World’s Fastest Man”.  He was even on the cover of the Olympic Games video game.  (Madden Curse, getting stronger?  Brett, watch your back!)  Let’s ignore the fact that every other meet he has to walk around with the word “gay” pinned to his unitard…not the most intimidating presence on the track I’d say, but hey what can he do?

Anyway, Tyson Gay pulled up at the Olympic trials a few months ago with a bad hammy.  Luckily he had already qualified for the 100 meter dash so he still got to go to the Olympics.

See, this is for all of the people who believe we should send our “stars” no matter what happens to them in the trials.  I say if they are supposed to win, they are supposed to win the trials too.  So Tyson shows up and makes it through the prelims, but doesn’t even get to the finals.  He didn’t even make the finals.  Daaaaamn Homey.  You used to be the Maaaaaan Homey!  I knew it too.

Look at my man’s face.  All my track people out there know his face is too tight.  I mean he looks like he is trying to get rid of Michael Phelps’ daily dietHe’s making that face Mike Epps made in “All about the Benjamins” when he was making fun of the old dude.  Seben-fittay.  You cna’t win when you are straining it out like that.  How does one of our national heroes get beat before he even gets to the finals.  You know America, we’d rather not show up than get beat on the track.

The real problem…it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.  Usain Bolt DESTROYED the field.  Can you find Usain Bolt in this picture?

Don’t look over by the runners in the picture.  Look waaaaaay over there to the right after the finish line.  I had to go wide screen on it he won by so much.  I mean Bolt is damn near putting his warmups back on and eating his post race snack before the rest of the “greatest athletes in the world” even cross the finish line.  And he ran a 9.69.  And he started clowing and high-stepping like Deion Sanders at the 80 meter mark.  And he rocked the carzy point it out pose before the race.

These pics are so crazy.

Is this guy playing a video game?  I guess that 6’5″ really matters in this sport.  I hope the dude doesn’t go all Ben Johnson on us because this is amazing.  By the way, two quick questions.  Are genetics really so strong that there isn’t a single individual of Nordic and/or European, Eastern Bloc descent that can even get near the semi-finals of this race?  I mean there are no melanin challenged individuals in the arena when this race goes down.  Do the brothers have it on lock like this?  I don’t like to perpetuate stereotypes, (yeah, right) but damn.  Also, when did the Jamaican’s corner the market on fast?  Three Jamacians in the mens and the womens finals in the 100.  That is crazy for such a small country.  Tell the bobsled team to step their game up.

Tyson Gay…Man Up!

-Brock

———–UPDATE—————

Tyson.  Carl Lewis called.  Even he said you need to man up.  That’s.  Not.  Good.

I’m just sayin’.

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7 Responses to “Man Up Monday: Tyson Gay”

  1. Royal Says:

    Shit, you aint never lied.
    I dunno whats up with the U.S. T and F team, but we’re slackin on our pimpin’. Hopefully we can redeem ourselves in the 200m.

    http://www.nbcolympics.com/trackandfield/resultsandschedules/rsc=ATM002300/index.html

    But then again, I dunno….Jamaica might stay winning.

  2. Lake Arlington Says:

    Dude, Tyson Gay is lucky he didn’t run. That Bolt would have busted his ass. Dude was probably running on jet fuel roids, but I aint never seen a cat just blow a field away like that. Not even Ben Johnson.. The cat was prancing sideways, looking around, like, “who want some more of deebo”. That was UGLY and yes, Track and Field aint shit without American contenders. How embarrassing.

  3. SMH Says:

    Yeah Jamaica is the greatest, my family is real happy right now. You cant really blame Gay though, he admitted he wasnt fully fit- at least he didnt give any excuses= usain would have beat him anyway.

    Royal, I wasnt impressed with Dix in the 200 rounds- dude yas slowing down in that last 100

    RE:Genetics I saw a progam about this recently and the answer is NO. Its due to training etc. and coaching all the way down toschool level. The Jamaicans have specialised at sprints recently and they tooka chance with an unconventional tall sprinter (usain) and it paid off. Imagine Kobe/MJ/LeBron running that 100 and understand how far ahead Usain is against these USA migets.

  4. otis Says:

    yeah that race was crazy but did u see the tailpiece on the girl that won the 100 meter dash? i believe she had the Jamaican fire back there maybe im trippin but its hard to hide the tail in a track suit

  5. Will Says:

    @Brock: you didn’t mention Michael Johnson – who ALSO blew away the comp 4 years ago with un-Godly speed in the 200 and 400m.

    Dude, I’m up here with wifey… just finished watching Usain Bolt destroy in the 200m semis, it was hilarious! Dude was JOGGING….STRIDING….CHILLIN’! The other cats were running they ass off like they stole something. ha!

    Bolt @ 9.67 holla!

  6. JQ Says:

    Brilliant Brock… very well done… haha…

  7. Ian M. Summers Says:

    Okay SMH, the proof is in the pudding. If genetics arent that big a deal, then where are all my white sprinters in this 100m? Are you suggesting that all of these olympic caliber spritners are black because white folks haven’t figured out how to train yet?

    No, its because us white folks are (mostly) slow, and we (mostly) can’t jump for shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you could train a whole grip of white sprinters to run in the tens. A half a second isn’t that big a difference (a 10.2 in that 100 meter is still balls fast). So in a sense us white people aren’t that genetically limited, but it would seem we hit the end of our genetic potential somewhere before we run 9.69 @ the olympics. I won’t pretend to know why, but the shit isn’t a secret: The fastest runners in the world are black. Also black people as a whole run faster than white people as a whole. I said it.

    And secondly, what kind of sillyness are you talking about having Kobe and LeBron run the 100 with Usain Bolt (USA midgets…aren’t both of them nearly as tall or taller than Bolt?)? Why don’t we have Bolt come play some basketball and see if he is athletic in more than one dimension (forward)? Obviously he gets his ass handed to him, so let’s be fair and compare apples to apples, oranges to oranges.

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