I Want to Work For Diddy Premiere

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So I fired up the tivo and there it was, “I Want to Work For Diddy“.  First impressions, ok, they hype it up with the “this will change your life” rhetoric which is what they always say about these Diddy shows.  But this time, with regard to former assistants, don’t we kind of know better?

I know, I know, he’s an artist.  Let me tell you, I NEVER want to hear this cat on any track, period.  I heard his act on that Andre 3000 interlude, sounded like some bs Man of Morehouse Shakespeare special with extra Ahnt-sauce on top.

Anyway, then they introduce the “celebrity judges” err ex-assistants that ultimately have little to no roll in actually voting these cats on or off.  I guess they rotate show to show:

1.  Derek, Diddy’s Gay stylist?

First of all, why is dude talking like he just caught clean jaw cap from one of those security guards that roll out when you get eliminated?  And is that a southern accent I detect?  Nothing against the south, but somehow that makes it worse.  Jeez.  And just a question about stylists in general, why is their gear always so terrible and how can they help the next man dress if they don’t know enough not to rock the wrinkled sag slim rider pant, with the unintentionally skinny tie piece?  Just asking.

2.  Moderately, but not too overtly attractive Latin Chick

Plain and basic, but just good looking enough to get it from Diddy.  Can you tell that I don’t have a pic of the babe?

3.  Capricorn – Wait a second.  Baby girl’s name is Capricorn?  Bad enough that she’s named after an astrological sign period, but Capricorn is the most ridiculous of all of them.  It’s the one people always said when they used to introduce themselves in those cheesy movies from back in the 70’s.  “Lawrence T. Chestwood, capricorn.”

Even she can’t quite believe that’s actually her name.  I like her hair though… ha

On to the contestants.  So I’m looking for the contestants, seeing what there is to see.  And let me just say, I’m a champion of diversity.  You just gotta have it, right?  You assume they’ll have plenty of black dudes.  You know, bow tie, probably went to Andover/Exeter (then on to Middlebury) black dude.  Ex Corporate America “now I can rock these fake diamond studs” black dude…transsexual dude.

“Now that’s the creep, I be seeing in my sleep”

Ahem.  SAY Cut tha, what tha, FUCK?!?!!!!!!!!!  Is that what I think it is? Holy lord above, can someone please, for the love of god explain the presence of this….ahem…cat? 

What exactly is a tranny?  First of all, does Tranny stand for transsexual or “trans-gender”?  And does that mean, he/she still has his junk or is already gone?  I can tell you what’s not gone, that uncomfortably skrong jaw piece, them shady sideways eyes that themselves can’t even believe Diddy has a legitimate tranny babe errr dude trying to be his assistant and that extra caked-on-baked-on make-up.  Yep, we’ve got ourselves a full on dude with some wild balloons in his chest with a side of ass gel on layaway.

Dammit, why is it all lacquered up with a top coat of “only could come from a man” sweat to lock that deception in?  And yes, I DO see that extra close cat to her/his direct right in this picture, I’m just ignoring it.  Wait, where was I?  Seriously, I’ve lost my entire train of thought here.  Let me just end that paragraph, maybe that will help.

To quote Diddy, “it’s all fucked up now.”  Seriously, and maybe it was just me, but after I saw that wild tranny cat, to me the whole show started to look gay.

And mind you this is coming from a cat that likes Diddy, but all this openly and subtle gay shit isn’t doing anything for those “Diddy runs his assistants under his desk” rumors that have been flying around for years.

Anyway, after I picked my jaw up off the floor and put an extra layer of clothing on to protect me from what I was seeing, I went back to the show.  Standard Diddy shit.  A bunch of hazing with cats who are way too overbearing.

Enters Kim.  Shit talking, hand clapping, would be decent looking but for those extra 140 pounds she doesn’t need chick who most likely has at least two kids at home that she terrorizes whenever she can.  Definitely interesting for the show, but the kind of person who just can’t get along with anyone.  And don’t we know how this will go?  She’s had a tough life.  She’s always had to fight for what she got.  So there is a hard exterior to hide those deep seeded issues she just can’t seem to shake that Diddy will help her to bring out on that treadmill. Right.  Either that or she’s just an evil “chick” with nary a social grace or a shred of bitniz etiquette.

I do appreciate her “nilla” pleez expressions, aggressive hand gestures and over the top fuckery of all the other contestants. I know Kim “[you] aren’t here to make friends”.  ha    So I’m trying to get back into the show and I see them all running all over the city… And then it happens, I see it and turn directly to the lady on the couch and say, literally, “Why is the tranny running like a bitch?” Haaaaaa

Might have been a silly question, but that’s just how it came out.  Dammit, I thought we were done with Omarosa.  Running around the city, sittin extra high on some wild stilts, all sinched up and shit.  Dammit. How did this happen?  Honestly.  This shit is a serious threat to me watching the show.  Did yall hear that cat during those diary room joints?  Crazy man. Ok, I’m done with the tranny dude.  But just so we’re clear, I could literally go on forever with the gay mess that I saw on that episode.  Seriously, chicks aside, there was more gay than straight (and yes, that’s the FIRST time I’ve had to refer to anything as “straight” in my life).

Hey, at least they put some eye candy up in the house, too.  They’ve got pretty (enough) white girl.

Oh and extra fine latin heat named Georgette.

Yessir.

Oh yes indeedy.  But sadly, that hater Kim chick conspired, along with extra swole, Harve Pierre looking Phil (Da Band?) to get the fine babes out the house.  I guess they’ve got to completely kill all heterosexual energy in that camp.

I think they should have consulted with the big man before making that move.  Damn shame too.  Even this probably gay faced cat Rob didn’t quite get that elimination.

I know, I know…If you can’t say anything nice, just stop writing.  Peace.

– Lake

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7 Responses to “I Want to Work For Diddy Premiere”

  1. No Homo Says:

    I hate to say it, but I had that sinking feeling watching the show too. Plenty of sugar tanks running around there. You forgot dude at the Sean Jean store, too. And these are just the ones we know are gay. We haven’t even delved into the realm of the homo thug. Honestly, that hip hop is gay shit, really seems to be true. The idea of Diddy having a tranny as his assistant is completely crazy. Whoever decided that should be fired, immediately. I will be watching it all unfold though, which I guess is the point. Scary.

  2. Truth Hurts Says:

    “Quasi Homosexuals, is running this rap shit”

    – Mos Def

  3. Jerkoff Says:

    The author clearly is a homophobe. I suspect that you have some deep down questions about your own sexuality since you’re focusing so much on her’s errr his. Wait, what am I talking about? A 6, 8 black dude with a layer of make up on, riding high on them thangs is fairly repugnant. Carry on.

  4. Be On It Says:

    I stop supporting anything remotely related to Diddy after “All About the Benjamins” dropped. I firmly believe you should cut a dud out on a high note, so you don’t see his true colors and begin to hate his trick ass. You also don’t want to be the girl he was with when it becomes public knowledge that he is, um, well, YOU know.

    Anywho, don’t hate on the Capricorns.

  5. Will Says:

    Maaan, wher to start?!…

    First of all – how the FUCk is Howdy Doody gon be anyone’s stylist?!

    2nd – how the EF does Puff manage to stay remotely relevant in his post-Biggie days?! Dude sucked back then, and sux even more now!

    3rd) – Lawrence T. Chestwood…lmao , that name ranks up there with, Brock Landers, Colt Seavers, and James Tiberius! haha http://www.zeppodunsel.nl/Pic015.jpg

    4th) Can’t say I’ve known of any Capricorns of prominence – eeeexcept those guys using pickup lines….in ‘cheesy 70s movies’. sorry Be.

    5th) the tranny; HURL!

    6th) the white girl – eh.

    7th) Georgette – YES. angle 2? – yesss. – angle 3? yessir!

    last) not only does dude have gayface – dude has Gay LIPS.

    Just what the hell is Puff doing with this here? (why i cannot stomach reality tv) I’m actually looking fwd to UvTs dissection of this new series.

    -Will, staying tuned….

  6. I Want to Work For Diddy: Just Tranny Being Tranny « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] Want to Work For Diddy: Just Tranny Being Tranny Come on man.  I feel like this whole Tranny babe on Diddy’s new show thing has hijacked my entire reality tv experience.  This week was suppose to be great for me.  […]

  7. ME! Says:

    I have pictures of the I want to work for Diddy transexual assistant candidate! She works/worked at lucky Cheungs in the City … of New York that is! … she had done a flip and put her tush in my friends face and bent her over doggy style….. god bless her! ha ha ha ha What a fun night!

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