If You Need Any Additional Assistance…


I travel a lot.  I’ve got it down to a science.  One bag, fits in the overhead.  Take my frequent flyer upgrade and slam brews and/or vodka until I reach my destination or get cut off at 30,000 feet.  Unpack, repack, repeat.

So all the airlines have these systems for getting people on and off the planes, load from the back, get on by sections, sometimes they just launch into a complete clusterfuck and go every man for himself.  But they all have one thing in common.

“If you need any additional assistance, or extra time to get on the plane, please board now”

Why does this happen first?  If you need more time, your ass should be getting on last when you’ve got all the time in the world.  Old people, people with babies, anyone who is faking a limp so they can get to all the overhead space.  Let those cats on last and we’ll really see how much extra time they need.  I bet they won’t feel the need to be special then.  Seriously, how do you let the slower people on first in interest of speed?  That doesn’t even make sense on paper.  All that means is that everyone else gets backed up for 10 minutes waiting for them to get settled.  It’s like a traffic jam, once the damage is done, it might be a half an hour before it gets right.

Let em on last once the coast is clear so they don’t hold up the other 140 people trying to get on the plane.  Then they can stand in the aisle, there’s no pressure to move faster, no one staring at you as you schlep up the walkway with all your crap.

So there ya go airlines.  That one is free.  See, every industry needs a little sprinkle of Us Versus Them.  It’s like Tussin, it makes everything better.


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2 Responses to “If You Need Any Additional Assistance…”

  1. Will Says:

    damn son u brought out the ‘Tussin! lol

  2. h8torade Says:

    I travel every week and I can tell you that I saw a dude pull a fake limp WITH a walking cane just so he could be seated first. Once we landed he limped up the jetway until he got out of view of the gate agent – packed up his cane – and was walking around the airport without his damn limp.

    He almost caught a permanent limp because I wanted to drop kick him on his knee…..

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