“Hypermiling” – Just Get the Hell Off The Road

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I get it, gas prices are high.  I’m not going to freak out about it like everyone else, but when I can’t even fill up my whole tank before the gas pump gets to the prepregrammed limit of $95 I know that something ain’t right.

I hear everyone out there struggling for gas.  I know it sucks but I’ve noticed something new and it’s pissing me off.  Have you heard of hypermiling?  It is the practice of driving in a way that allows you to get maximum mileage out of your car.  It starts with not driving like a New York cabbie.  You know going from pedal to the metal to full break every three seconds.  And it gets as extreme as drafting behind eighteen wheelers and popping your car in neutral and get pulled by the wind.

I’ve started to notice these assholes on the streets.  I mean I can’t tell you how many times in the last month I got stuck behind some Toyota Corrola going 40 miles an hour in a 55.  I expect to see this:

But instead I see some ex-dungeon master getting an extra 2 miles a gallon.

Look, either buy a car with better mileage or man up, fill up your tank and drive that damn thing.  Wanna save money, stay home or jump on the bus.  Don’t make me pay in valuable time because you don’t like gas prices.  What you cannot do is drive slow in front of me.  When you see the luxury whip coming in your rearview please slide to the side.

Thanks,

-Brock

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6 Responses to ““Hypermiling” – Just Get the Hell Off The Road”

  1. raafman Says:

    Damn Brock! I mean… Drivers? Vegetarians? Soccer fans? Guys who use the bathroom at they girl cirb? Skrippers with fake shakes? Is there anyone not on your shit list long about now? You really are taking on the world.

    I’ll tell you what, as long as Jessie’s still in there, we cool.

  2. Be On It Says:

    Dang, Brock, a lil hot under the collar there, are we? I mean, I don’t like getting stuck behind slow drivers either, but I rather prefer hypermilers to:

    1. Grannies and grandpas that can’t see over, the wheel, don’t know where they’re going, or never learned that these newfangled cars go over 40mph, unlike the Model T they know and love.
    2. Stupid people who pull in front of you when they CLEARLY do not have the room or horsepower to accelerate to an acceptable speed.
    3. Ray Ray n’em in their candy painted Chevys stunting for the chickens.

    At least the hypermilers have a purpose. Everyone else just tries my patience.

  3. jkay1229 Says:

    “I see some ex-dungeon master getting an extra 2 miles a gallon.”

    LMFAO!! That made my day.

  4. Brock Hardon Says:

    Wait until I get off on the “green” movement, chicks who can’t cut, people who work at fast food restaurants yet don’t know their jobs, and people who say they prefer it when it is cold outside. Oh, and interoffice envelopes, I hate interoffice envelopes.

    Jess Alba is always in. I would say I’m holding out to see the post baby body, but I have enough respect for the woman who can go through child birth to know that however she looks will still be beautiful.

    *ding* *ding* *ding*
    (sound of points being racked up with the ladies of UvT)

  5. KIR in NV Says:

    @ Brock: Looking forward to your post on the sub-standard Fast Food Restaurant Worker. Somebody needs to put these fools on notice.

  6. jason mcclanahan Says:

    I agree 101% hypermilers arent happy with wasting their own time, they have to waste mine too.I think they should at least have the courtesy to stay out of the way of us who want to get where we’re going.

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