Things I Know to Be True…

by

I’ve learned a lot of things in my life, but there are several absolute truths. I thought I’d share a few with you:

Food handed out in malls on toothpicks is always tasty.

The point of diminishing returns for Krispy Kreme doughnuts is exactly 2 1/2

And that is only if the “Hot Doughnuts Now” sign is on when you get them. If they aren’t hot, you can’t make it past two.

The point at which the taste of alcoholic beverages no longer matter is exactly 2 1/2 drinks.

If you eat a single of anything from a friend (1 cheetoe, one shrimp, one bite of ice cream) you will return to get an entire serving.

It will not taste as good.

Don’t trust any descriptor of a food that ends in ‘y’. Cheesy, Meaty, Creamy.

Because there is usually no real cheese, meat or cream involved. See, that joint is cheesy, meaty, crunchy, creamy, melty, toasty and just plain wrongy

Any man who uses the word “fabulous” more than once a day is gay…

unless you are actually Fabolous.

I take that back, maybe him too.  That’s Gay Face if I’ve ever seen it.

Hoes, Strippers, Escorts, exotic dancers, street walkers, porn stars, and women who work in Vegas brothels all have the same job.

If you have a friend that uses “nahmean” all the time, more often than not, you will have no idea what he’s talking about.

You should always check out the links on Us Versus Them.

You should always read the comments at Us Versus Them.

If a song is remixed today, there is an 80% chance that Lil Wayne is on it.

Once there is moisture near a urinal, the “piss zone” will grow exponentially as every man that walks in afterwards must then try to arch the stream in the urinal from outside of the piss zone…which expands the size of the piss zone.

Every woman who read that just received way too much information.

-Brock

8 Responses to “Things I Know to Be True…”

  1. Kam Says:

    Please allow me to add to this post something Ive found to be true…..

    If shes done it to you, chances are shes done it to at least two other people

  2. Be On It Says:

    @ Kam: If he’s done it to you, he’s done it to at least five other women, two of which he is probably dating simultaneously while he’s smiling in your face saving “baby, you can trust me.”

    And Brock, yes indeedy that was too much information. Although, I have found that inspection of a guys personal bathroom can tell you a lot about him. And no, that inspection cannot happen when he is inspecting you to come over, because most men have sense enough to clean up if they have time to prepare. No, what you need is a surprise inspection, one of those “I’m just leaving the nail shop close to your house. Can I swing by?” as you are idling around the corner. Not only will you get a glimpse of his house at it’s natural state, but if he fails to allow you to come over, it’s time to drop his behind and get the 2nd stringer ready for some game time.

  3. Be On It Says:

    * expecting. Haven’t had my coffee yet.

  4. Will Says:

    Brock after viewing THAT PARTICULAR pic of Kimmy K’s trunk, I’ve decided I no longer care if it’s real, fake, or what – its fabulous (thats 1 for me), and Ima leave it at that.
    Oh, i heard she’s carrying lil Reggie for a couple months now.

  5. Kam Says:

    @ Will I hope you are wrong because I just dont think her figure can hold up to a baby if so the new Kim K. bigfatwomen.org/…/fat_women_250x251.jpg might not be UvT material.

    Damn I hope he doesnt wife her!

  6. KIR in NV Says:

    While there are most definitely hizzoes up in Vegas, there ain’t no brothels…at least not legal ones. Brothels and other pro ho action are NOT legal in Clark County, contrary to popular belief. You gotta drive about 45 minutes over to Nye County to get your skank on. Just a Public Service Announcement for my peeps. Don’t say you weren’t warned!

  7. Brock Hardon Says:

    But there are definitely pros in Vegas. Are they just freelancers? Is the difference that they can’t work out of a building…unless it is a strip club?

  8. Donivon Says:

    This blog is too funny. Love the point about food being handed out at the mall.

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