Must Be The Money: R. Kelly is Acquitted on All Counts of Child Pornography!!!


Holy shit. The Pied Piper is an elusive smooth mufucka! I guess banging out and pissing on a 13 year old is cool in Chi Town!

Dude, let me ask those jurors a question. If that wasn’t R. Kelly and it wasn’t that babe, then who the fuck was it on that tape? I mean, come on. Let’s go ahead and run that “I wanna Piss on You” in honor of R’s great victory!

You just know that right now R. is on his way back to that Log Cabin room to get some drink, sex, and piss on and then go directly into the studio to record that “Jesus Saved Me/Fuck All You Haterz, But I’ll Pray For You” single that should be out on Monday.

And isn’t that the best part of all these terrible jury verdicts? How the cat who just got over on the system then proclaim that Jesus “hisself” was responsible for the acquittal. Hey, aRa, I”m not the most religious cat in the world, but If there is one thing we do know, it’s that Jesus didn’t want you to bang out all kinds of young girls, hook up three ways, piss on a chick – ON CAMERA-, allegedly pay her off to keep quiet and then walk away whistling the tune to “Fiesta (Remix)” after a bunch of imbeciles let you off scott free.

Hey, Chicago, why stop there? I mean, you need to make R. out like the victim in all of this. You know, pull a Duke Lacrosse so R. can get paid like Reade, Colin and Dave Evans or something. Or better yet, erect a monument in honor of Mr. Kelly and all he’s done for the great city of Chigaco.


– Lake

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4 Responses to “Must Be The Money: R. Kelly is Acquitted on All Counts of Child Pornography!!!”

  1. Will Says:

    I’m disgusted. I watched the video back in ’02 and laughed at how obvious dude LOOKED like R’ah. I cannot say 100% that it was HIM on the tape, but I know that nicca married Aaliyah (RIP) when he was 24 and she was only 14!
    And a slew of chix came forth talking about having sex with that dude. AND he once admitted in (Ebony or Essence mag) that he had a thing for ‘younger women’.

    Sick fuck. I ain’t bought a Kelly album since ’02.

  2. Royal Says:

    Based on this decision, and the $150 ‘excessive noise’ ticket I received this week… I have given up the small amount of faith that I had in the American Judicial system. Can’t say that is waaaaaaaaaaas or wasn’t R. Kelly on tape for 100 percent certainty…

    But sometimes a spade is just a spade…
    Kinda how T.O. put it…
    if it looks like a rat and smells like a rat….

  3. Lake Arlington Says:

    Dog, if you saw the tape and I’m not saying I did… 😉 IT’S R. KELLY.. Believe that. I acknowledge that with video or really anything, there is always some doubt, but in this case, that doubt cannot possibly be characterized as “reasonable”.. No way.

    A cat who looks like R is banging out a chick who looks young and everyone in the community recognizes in a room that is completely unique that happens to be in R. Kelly’s home? I mean, maybe that piss was digital, as Dave Chappelle said, but he was clearly banging ole girl out and she was clearly not of age. Not only that but there are other sex tapes of other chicks in that same room! Come on now..

  4. KIR in NV Says:

    Please don’t get me started on this sick mofo. Hopefully the court of public opinion will convict Kels and we’ll never hear from his perverted azz again. Sadly, I doubt that’s gonna happen either.

    Note to R: stay in your shoes here homes, and don’t run off that triumphant victory song my man Lake referenced. Ain’t no winners here.

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