Enough With These Chicks Trying to Be Milfs

by

Short and sweet on this one (or not), but I’m tired of these chicks out here trying to act like they’re something other than what they are. Take Bridget Moynahan for instance.

Baby girl gets knocked up with Tom Brady’s baby, which is good enough for a middle tier, would be no name babe like herself, but now she’s out here trying to self style herself as a “MILF”?

Say what? Dude, posing in some sexy shit in front of your kids crib aint sexy, it’s sad. Forget calling Brock to tell him how hot this broad looks, I’m about to call Child Services to go pick Tom Jr. up so he can have a safe and wholesome upbringing over at Uncle Lake’s house.

And you just know Tom can’t like this one bit. I mean, he’s got to see his baby’s mama parading around trying to show off that she’s still hot after having his seed? Why not just strap on a “fuck Tom” billboard and tell everyone what you really think of the guy?

If she wants to be sexy and hot, why can’t she do it WITHOUT bringing attention to the fact that she’s a single mother? Why make reference to the kid at all? I mean, there’s no need to be ashamed, but you don’t have to publicize your dysfunctional sex/relationship habits either.

And look at the way she’s pushing that stroller, like it’s something that she NEVER does. I guess that’s what a grip of Child Support can do for a “struggling single mother.”

Using your single-mom-dom as a spring board to rekindle that dwindling career? That’s pretty weak. And let’s face it, Tommy upgraded you with this pregnancy.

At 37, it was the 4th quarter with the shot clock read 15 seconds anyway. I’m not saying the kid wasn’t going to happen, but worse things than having Tommy B’s kid could have happened to you.

I mean, what’s with it with all these mothers who don’t know how to act?

Have some decency. Cover up the enhanced tittays. Read a book, if not for your kid’s sake, your own. I mean, act like a damn mother!

And stop rolling your seed around like he’s a brand new Prada bag. I don’t want to hear these chicks talking about how they’re a “Milf”. You can’t proclaim yourself a Milf, it doesn’t work that way. A major part of the Milf draw is that she doesn’t actually realize that she’s still hot. It’s the fact that she’s moved on to motherly duties, but is still actually hittable that makes her a major draw. Some ole cougar trolling for dudes because her man skipped town aint no Milf.

And Milf-dom is assessed by the potential “fukker” not the “fukkee”. You can’t appoint yourself a Milf, it’s got to be reached by consensus. And if you’ve got to ask if you’re a Milf, believe me, you’re not. Most mothers aren’t Milfs, if they were, we wouldn’t have to single out the ones cats actually want to touch with their ten foot pole.

(Now Mel B. She’s all Milf and then some. She’s MILF’d the fuck out!)

So unless you’re unique, you’re probably just another babe buying diapers at Target. Meaning you’re more likely a “mother F’er I wish would get out my way” rather than a “mother I’d like to F”. Ya feel me?

In closing, until you receive future notice, you aint a Milf to me. You’re just an old cougar who happened to trick at cat into putting one on goal. Now it’s time to own it and raise that kid lest she end up looking and acting like this.

Now get back to work?

– Lake

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2 Responses to “Enough With These Chicks Trying to Be Milfs”

  1. Will Says:

    !! 🙂

  2. Sarah H. Says:

    I want to spend some QT over at uncle Lake’s house too. LOL.

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