Reason #22 Why Fake Boobs Suck: XTina

by

Dead up, I hate the fake J game. I actually find it fairly insulting. The ONLY time a fake J upgrade is really appreciated is when a babe is rocking a sweater and even then they’re running around calling the real top shelf keeper of the superior J’s in question.

(And yes I did slap a Triple B inspired asterisk on this chick based on the comments section.  It really is just like steroids.  It’s cheating and I won’t stand for it!)

See what I mean? Just nasty.  I think baby girl needs an adjustment like a dude with a bad rug. Them tittays don’t match anymore. And this chick has a damn child. I know he’s even more pissed than me. Ok, ok, I’d be lying if I said they NEVER look good:

Dayum.. silky smooth and powerful like a Kobe Bean three ball. But see hers are all set up by the great midsection and nearly non-existent suit. I’m not sure about the rest of the fellas, but I break for the hip bone on the silky smooth stomach piece. I don’t know, maybe it’s just trashy babes who have always been trash are just going to be super trashy with the enhanced cans. I mean, it’s not like Aguilera was ever a high end babe.

She’s been going with the “look at me, my legs are open and I’m a slizzut” from the beginning. It’s pretty sad actually because she can really sing well. Oh well. If there is one thing I’ve learned over my years of running babes it’s that hoe-dom knows no profession, skill set or socio-economic class. I think it’s innate.

Classy…

Ass B (like, “Yo I’m Cuban B”)? Ladies, if you’ve literally got nothing going for you and you just need a boost, enhance away. Just know that you add a minimum of 4 points to you skank score and yes, it’s a 10 point scale. If you’re a pretty girl, have a decent or even passable chest piece or bring that mini/medium/make me wonder level thunder, just smooth it out. You don’t need it.

I know, I know…I feel the same way about your plastics canz baby…it’s mutual.

– Lake

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21 Responses to “Reason #22 Why Fake Boobs Suck: XTina”

  1. Be On It Says:

    Whatever! Real women know that you don’t have to “upgrade” to get a quality dude. However, how many of y’all Y chromosome carriers are quality dudes? And before you get your boxers in a bunch, ask yourself again, how many of y’all are quality dudes, especially before the age of 25?

    So, why do the weaker members of the fairer sex get upgrades? Because we want attention. Or we’re tired of having to hunt for bras like they’re the Holy Grail because most stores really don’t carry “petite” sizes. Or just actually want to look like the picture of womanhood we carry around in our pockets. Or we just want a whole effing heap of attention. Great legs are nice to have, but great Js get much more accomplished with a fraction of the effort. I should know. I have never, EVER gotten a free drink for having nice legs (and really, you can only show so much leg before you enter skankville). But I did have a homegirl with a perky set of Ds (God-given), and they funded plenty of girl’s night outs.

    So my dear fellas of UvT, chillax. Cut the upgraders some slack, cuz we all know it’s a lot harder to have to be judged by your appearance. Trust, most men I know/see on a daily basis, could use one or more of the following: a personal trainer, a good haircut and shave, veneers/braces, a new wardrobe, and [most likely] penile implants.

    And a fur like my boy Lake.

  2. Be On It Says:

    I forgot to add a good wax to that list. Man fur is not a good look. A sprinkle – acceptable. But more than a light coating on the legs, a lil on the arms, and some garnish on the chest and underarms is OUT OF ORDER. There should be no afros anywhere south of the neck – break out the scirrors and get to trimming. Lil bunny phoo phoo does NOT want to go hopping through the forest, if ya get my drift.

    And any man with back fur needs to be shot on sight. We need to take those genes out of circulation.

  3. Brock Hardon Says:

    Be On It is on fire today. That “garnish” on the chest is hilarious. Do you really advocate the wax though? That is one step away from arched eyebrows and clear nail polish to me. I may run a one guard over certain areas to keep everything in check, but that man wax ain’t right.

  4. KIR in NV Says:

    @ Be: Preach, girl. While I’m in the other camp (opposed) when it comes to fake J’s, I too can understand why some of my fellow females choose to go plastic. I myself, in my younger and more foolish days, have used the natural God-given J’s to my advantage in a number of situations. I thought it was amusing but now I kinda feel sorry for dudes who can get played by some tittays.

    @ Brock: Listen to my girl and hit the wax. Word.

  5. Be On It Says:

    Maybe I just think all waxers look like the ladies I go to. I pity the man who would balk at letting two hot Brazilian women touch his naked flesh. Even if they are ripping off his fur. But Brock, you are right. Waxing is too gay (I don’t believe in Metros) for any respectable man. So fellas, cut, trim, and shave.

  6. KIR in NV Says:

    Now I’m all for the Man’s Man but waxing has advantages. The main one being that when that errant fur starts to grow back, it won’t feel like a thousand sharp needles on MY delicate skin! Ouch!

  7. Cuban B Says:

    Fake boobs are a gift from the Almighty… Don’t hate, integrate.

  8. Willy Poker Says:

    Waxing DOES have advantages for guys. I mean, if we are budding porn stars then YES – that would be on point.

    I guess i unnerstand the …. social pressure…. of women enhancing they J game, Iv’e dated fine women of all races, but it was the white chix that really went hard on gettin implants.

    Xstina Aggylarry was fine all by her lil self. I was luvin that slim, f-doll look she had going on. Now….eh.

    May all flat chix maintain they natural ‘Gwen Stefani’ sexiness! (raises glass)

  9. Will Says:

    Cuban B: Uh…no.

  10. Lake Arlington Says:

    Hey Be, when I turned 25 I was virtually hairless (God-given), had a job, a house, two degrees and a 3 Series…so I can’t relate… ha Gotta step your dude game up baby girl…expect more you get more.

    Now I own know about men getting waxes… naaaah.. I mean, if you have a garnish problem, then fine. But I can’t support the metro (homo)sexual I have no hair on my body and I go ballz to the wallz.. I can see a trimming but if you’re running around with nothing “down there” then you’re just on some weirded out gay shit. In fact, I won’t even blame gay dudes for that… let’s just say that’s a “them” move. I’m all of looking good, dressing fresh and getting that lady errr paper, but when you take too much man away there isn’t much left.

    Hey, I’m against the upgraded J, mostly because of how they feel…and how do they feel? Exactly how Xtina’s look..nasty. it aint right. Trust me.

  11. Triple_B Says:

    Finally 3B has COME BACK! to UvT

    Oh this is one of my favorite topics: the fake J and the women who love them. I’ll give it to Be on this first and foremost. She was lightin em up and nice redirection/misdirection by puttin back on us. But, POINT OF ORDER, this is about the boobies and if you read my treatise a couple weeks back, you know where the Triple B stands. I say this, fakin em out shows poor quality and poor work effort. Yeah, you may be THE Stairmaster and your legs might be kickin like Michael Dudikoff, but a good pair, with the neck line slung low comes in and suddenly you are forgotten, tossed aside like something that is tossed aside real easy. I understand the frustration. That sucks! You put real work in, you’ve proven your skills meanwhile some lesser talent hack is taking all your press. You know who else understands you ladies. This man (yes it’s the 1986 topps traded rookie) OH YES LADIES! Barry feels your pain. Jose was crackin em one after the other McGuire was taking em to the wall every damn game. And then heres Barry. Amazing fielder, ridiculous batting average, and he was a homerun hitter, but just not enough. Poor B. So he got an upgrade. All of a sudden by the power of Grayskull BOOYAH!! he’s back in the running.

    This is the attitude that is fostered by the fake J. I say if you ain’t got em tough tittay (pun totally intended), step up your game and blow those big boob bimbos out of the water. yeah they don’t have to do much but that means that they prolly haven’t developed other parts of there game as well. they’ve been depending on the boobies to do the talking and walking. So you got the edge, she got one weapon, one strategy and you know what it is, that tactical advantage over brute force right there. Don’t play their game you still can’t when cuz we’ll still pick real over fake. Yall trackin wit me?

    You can’t win ROCK!!! THIS GUY WILL KNOCK YOU ON YOUR ASS!! HE’S HOOKIN HE’S HOOKIN!!

    I’m sorry i channeled Apollo Creed there for a moment. The point is you can’t stand toe to toe with the bigguns. Use what you got to get what you want. Unless of course you’re ok with having a asterisk on em.

    END

  12. Lake Arlington Says:

    Triple B.. great analysis and I like the production on it too. Agreed, it’s cheating and even worse, like roids, everyone knows you’re fake. I don’t respect them. Again, ok to look at, but would you want your lady to be sitting on chest dubbs? I think not.

  13. RosyF Says:

    @Be: You set this off and you make some excellent points. But Triple B is preaching it.

    @ Triple B: I am in awe of your eloquence on the subject matter. Solid. Plus I love a good He-Man reference.

    @ Lake: I agree no wax unless removing back hair or fighting against the enemy known as the unibrow.

    Ladies if the J game has you on the bench of the conference finals – show some abs (if tight), do some squats, get a water bra, wear flattering tops and make what you have good enough to get a few minutes on the court. (Sorry…I digress but I’ve got Celtics fever.) It’s not worth dropping 20k+ to throw some Ds on it.

    All of yall are forgetting the most important reason not eff w/ fake Js – it can cause a woman to lose sensitivity in that area and that my UvT friends is a lose lose for everyone involved. Ladies that is the jump off ;)… Fellas, once you are on second base, with the right skills you should be able to steal third and slide on home. Need I say more.

  14. Lake Arlington Says:

    Rose, yeah, that and your kid is dranking liquid metal instead of milk. It’s just all wrong for so many reasons. And again, it just feels crazy….yuck.

  15. Be On It Says:

    @ Lake: You are the exception. This is UvT, remember?

    @ Triple_B: I am so not worthy of such

  16. Be On It Says:

    Dang it, accidently hit submit! Anywho:

    @ Triple_B: I am so not worthy of such articulation. But really, I only get mad when I’m being lazy (often) and cheap..er frugal (always). I put in a full day at work, don’t want to have to work AFTER work just for a $6 cosmo. I’m not looking for anybody right now, so I keep this magnificence covered up so as to draw the least amount of attention possible. I’m in a college town where most chicks walk around like it’s BET Uncut, so nothing says back off like slacks and a button down. I used to say I was gay, but then I had to fend off the Latifah’s who overhead that comment.

  17. Lake Arlington Says:

    Funny, I was considering a King Latifah post tonight. Be On It.. we need a “ladies of UvT” pictorial… I think you should kick it off in any way you deem appropriate. 😉

  18. KIR in NV Says:

    Let me be clear that I’m not advocating the full body wax for anyone – male or female. If you’re trying to take it back to pre-puberty days you’re just *slightly* less creepy than the weirdos on the hunt for same. I’m just saying shaving your back fur or tweezing your brows is gonna require more effort on your part to keep it tight and the regrowth from shaving feels and often looks worse than the regrowth from waxing (based on my field research on the subject).

  19. BubbleOnFire Says:

    Fake boobs never look good unless you’ve never seen real ones.

  20. World’s Largest Fake Breasts « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] Lake’s recent assault on the fake j, this is going to send him off the deep end. I guess Maxi’s pair here is 36 MM and growing […]

  21. SOULJA Says:

    i will shag all of dem

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