New Sex Tape: Marilyn Monroe?


Lake is the resident expert on sex tapes here at UvT, but I couldn’t let this one go. First there was the Gene Simmons, then there was Jimi Hendrix, then there was the hope that Barbara Walters didn’t have a sex tape…now this. Some big time hardcore freak memorabilia collector named Keya Morgan just bought the only copy of a Marilyn Monroe sextape for $1.5 Million dollars.

Damn. Marilyn might have been working with something there. You can tell by that tippy toe shes rocking over there on the left. So the tape shows Marilyn with some unknown man busting out 15 minutes of old school 1950’s head.

Known freak and psycho J. Edgar Hoover supposedly “reviewed” the tape for two weeks straight trying to discover who the man in the tape was. Hoover wanted to prove that JFK got down with the original version of Bill Clinton’s banana..uhhhhh…cigar in the tailpipe.

Come on now. You know President JFK was too smooth to get head on camera. Billy Clint didn’t even go that far. Supposedly, Joe Dimaggio tried to buy the tape back in the day for $25,000 just to destroy it.

You know Joe got him some too though…

Here’s my question. Who was making sex tapes back in the 1950’s. Do you know how hard it must have been to get that thing set up so it could be taped? Seriously, look at this thing.

Where do you set this thing up? I thought the cameras of the mid 90’s were tough to set up for the secret video tapes, and that was with a pretty small handheld camera and mini tapes. You have to set up a reel of film and plug this thing in with that brrrrrrrbbbbbbbbbbb-fap-fap-fap sound slapping around in the background. Then where do you watch it?

Well whoever it was, they got one of the biggest bombshells in American History giving a 15 minute bj on video tape? That’s pimpin’ right there. Doesn’t this just guarantee that there is a Lindsay Lohan, a Britney Spears, Alyssa Milano, and every body damn else sex tape out there? Will it still be interesting in 2048?


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3 Responses to “New Sex Tape: Marilyn Monroe?”

  1. Scot Says:

    Well, of course, if the New York Post reports it, it must be true.

    And if the alleged “Marilyn Monroe sex tape” exists, it’s not a VIDEOTAPE, it’s a FILM. And that’s a picture of a fucking 16mm MOVIE PROJECTOR, not a camera.

  2. Marilyn Monroe Says:

    Was it 16mm or 8mm?

    Big difference, beside which I heard it was shot long before she was even famous. No Bleach Blonde Hair.

    And there is no chance in hell that Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan will come close to being the cultural icon that Marilyn Monroe became.

    So no, their sex tapes wont matter in 2048.

  3. Mike Ruffin Says:

    Who gives a flying shit?

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