Somebody Tell Steve Harvey No One Wants to See This

by

Steve Harvey has apparently put down the Popeye’s chicken and started working out and he wants everyone to know. Now normally I wouldn’t cover this kind of story because I don’t like to put nudity and all kinds of filth flarn filth on the interweb. But I just can’t let this slide. It all started a few months ago when Jet magazine published this picture of Steve Harvey.

Extra tight black beater, some sort of extra chest muscle not found on any anatomy drawing, Steve getting his skrong, bald black mens on. It’s f’n terrible, but not completely offensive. So I guess some big girls on the streets of New York told Steve that he sure looked good because he has now launched the “take your shirt off campaign” for the summer. So we ended up with this

What the fuck is that? Come on Steve, put that away. That is just plain ridiculous. My bad, I should have marked this NSFW with those exposed breasts. We’ll ask Lake about Steve’s “J game” later. First, of all who told Steve that grease is an important part of any picture you take with your shirt off. Fine, if you are going to get greased up like a damn professional wrestler do you thing. Steve decided to slather it on thick. This wasn’t a rub down, he looks like he broke out the paint sprayer, filled it with baby oil and went to town. That shit ain’t right. He’s going to end up with a Jheri Curl juice stain on his jeans behind that technique. Then he threw on the ARod, turrible gear Hall of Fame mom jeans on top of it? I’d rather see Steve in those terrible three piece, seven button, extra long suits with the extra tight line up than let the “take your shirt off challenge” go on for another day.

Call Steve, write to your senator, take the protest to the streets, some how, some way, make him stop.

Please.

-Brock

=================Update===============

Man, you gotta give Steve a bit of a pass.  First off, he’s from Cleveland.  No offense to my Cleveland peeps, but that custom mustard 8 button suit idea he stole from Chess King shouldn’t get lost on all of this.  Second, Steve just got rid of the high top fade long about 2002 when the forced baldy was upon him. Anybody who holds onto an antiquated haircut for that long, can’t really be faulted for his other social faux pas.

Damn, I saw these Harvey pics on the web in passing, but I though it was just a case of photoshop gone horribly wrong.  I didn’t think they were actually THAT CAT…  Damn, let us pray.

– Lake

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5 Responses to “Somebody Tell Steve Harvey No One Wants to See This”

  1. Triple_B Says:

    Don’t stop get it get it, let me put some 3B in it!

    Ahh Steve Harvey. Rug head pimp from day one. Now let me tell you that the Triple has been hatin on Steve for quite some time. From the terrible Steve Harvey Show http://crazyabouttv.com/ImagesTwo/steveharvey.jpg , to his unnecessarily complicated gear http://reelblack.com/steve2.jpg , and finally to that Chronicles of Ridiculous High-top-hair-piece he’s been rockin http://www.mtv.com/onair/rob_and_big/season3/Assets/Images/Flipbooks/Belly%20Shots/thong_bathingsuit.jpg . And now this..

    I am at a loss to explain this one. He’s need to be in the Keep Your Shirt On challenge if anything. I know there’s this whole movement about big and beautiful and everybody being happy with their body type, and YEA hugs and kisses and warm fuzzy feelings, but lets get a grip on reality people nobody BUT NOBODY WANTS to see that!

    Male nudity is already marginally acceptable. You know in your heart that if you walk into a house party or any party for that matter and a chicks got her shirt off big or no you’re gonna be in it for the long haul. But go to that same party and a dudes start strippin you no it’s time to go. And Steves not even giving us the good stuff. Theres no six pack http://www.accelerator3359.com/Wrestling/pictures/123kid.jpg (<- think about it) there’s no per-ca-latin pecs. Just bad body. he’s not even comically fat, like chris farley. That was a man who constantly took his shirt off and people loved it. I mean Steve, STEVE! look at me dog…… don’t you have any friends? And i mean real friends, he kind that will tell you your breath is stankin. THEY would have never let you take these pictures bro. At least the photograph could have said something. Just a polite suggestion. Something along the line of:

    Photographer Cat: Mr. Harvey?

    Rug-Headed Busta: Yeah dog what’s up? You want free copy of the Steve Harvey Show Season 1 DVD?

    Photographer Cat: Uh no thank you.

    RHB: You sho, cuz i’ll sign it and erry-thang.

    PC: No i’m quite alright.

    RHB: Well what is it then.

    PC: I’ve been doing this along time and i’ve developed a good eye for these types of phot-shoots.

    RHB: I know that’s why i hired you.

    PC: And thank you for that. So I hope you respect my professional opinion when i suggest that in this particular session you might want to use this Old Navy Turtle neck sweater.

    Thats how it should have gone. But not clearly everybody just kept their mouths shut, and their lunches in their stomachs through the whole ordeal. And now we got “Steve Harvey Fine at 50” on the cover of Jet.

    Ladies I always say that i don’t know what you see in men but i ‘m glad you see something. But Steve Harvey for reals? Really?

  2. RosyF Says:

    Triple B – I appreciate the thoroughness of your analysis. I saw this pic before and promptly forced my self to forget it before the awfulness of the baby oil, flab, and porn mustache got seared into my brain. But since UvT has brought this up, I guess I must discuss the trauma in order to heal. Now if I were 50, maybe I would holla at Steve…nah…who am I kidding when I am 50, I plan to be a certified cougar so there is no scenario where Steve can get it. So please put a shirt on and get some age appropriate gear. Grow old gracefully. That’s how you stay in the game.

    Lake, Stevie should NOT get a pass. I wouldn’t fault Steve if he wore a muscle shirt or beater to celebrate his new fitness routine but he took it too far with the calendar and baby oil. I am all for self esteem in the right package or with a bit of airbrush. I guess there is a place for shame so we are not subjected to this foolishness in public.

  3. Lake Arlington Says:

    Haa, triple B is no joke. RosyF is already a cougar I thought. ha maybe I’m thinking of someone else.

  4. Will Says:

    Man foreal – the wife-b?….cool. The played out Gabe Kaplan squirrel-stache?….no. The spray-on grease tan?…Man HELLLS NO! LOL

    ouch, u brought my crib into this (Cleveland)! But something in the water with industry cats on the recent swole tip (Timbaland, Dr Dre, et al) …wtf?
    LMAO@ Chess King!

  5. Triple_B Says:

    I’m sorry i just had to come back on this one more time.

    Steve, this man did it when he could http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/b/b9/180px-Eeerik_estrada.jpg and now he does this for our benefit http://tammisworld.mu.nu/archives/erik-as-ponch.jpg . You missed your chance player don’t try to recapture your youth now. Especially since your whole front looks like taco meat. So please for all our sakes follow Eric’s example. I’m through. I swear.

    END

    P.S. That Chess King was genius

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