That Nick should have never married Mari- STOP IT’S THE MUTHAF#CKIN REMIX!!!

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Uhhhh!!!!! Yo, it’s amazing what 48 hours will do. Brock and I were sitting in my office on Friday talking about how crazy this Nack Cannon married to Mariah story was. That convo went pretty much like this: “I’ve never seen a bucked naked chick look more un-sexy than her”… “yeah, besides, she’s always naked and has never looked better but she’s still terrible. I think there’s just something wrong with the face”.

I mean, the quotes went on and on. The culmination of that convo was that post you saw yesterday. Well, sheeyut I guess Mariah and Nick must have been reading the blog because they responded in a MAJOR way with these hot bikini shots of Nick’s old ball and chain from d magazine.

Wow, now I definitely know what he issue was… babe was overweight. Now don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t fat, but for someone who spends the majority of her time in public half naked, she didn’t have a half naked body. She had to shed a clean 10 pounds and shed those lbs she did, look at these pictures.

Damn, I’m still not loving the babe, but I do have to give credit where it’s due. She looks pretty damn good right here.

That stomach is tight….

But that weird smile still aint right. Is it just me or does Mariah have the face of TI’s chick? You know that Tiny from Xcape?

Yep, she’s a dead ringer. Her nickname is Tiny and Mariah’s is Mimi..too much.

Anyway, back to Nick and Mariah. Not only did Mimi tighten up her body, but if you believe the reports, Mariah married Nick WITHOUT A PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT.

Talk about that Make it Rain Remix…Damn, I can’t believe she went out like that. No prenup is like running in the streets and just hittin raw dog, you can’t do it at her level. And I aint saying Nick’s a golddigga, but he didn’t marry that broke sista (comparatively of course).

Now I know Mariah said that Nick will soon realize, at the tender age of 50, that his still bucked naked ass wife piece is pushing 50, flabulous and probably one tour away from getting that Aretha Thunder (and believe me, it makes you wonder, but not in a good way).

But the truth is, we all know Nack and Mariah are doomed from the start. Come on…It’s Mariah Carey. She’s nuts, obsessed with being young, plastic and sexy, but she’s 38. Nick is going to want to cash them checks errrr settle down with a woman capable of actually having a family. Come on now, on the real, Nick will probably wait for about 20 months or so to get outside the annulment period and then peace Mariah Carey-Cannon out as he gets his Nick “It’s her money” Lachey on. Damn, I need to move to LA, get my male bimbo/golddigger game tight.

-Lake

——–UPDATE——–

Mmmmmmyyyyyiiiiion’t know Lake. That looks like a photoshop special to me. Mariah ain’t rocking that perfectly concave hourglass like that. In fact that joint had to be shot in front of a greenscreen with the perfect beach horizon. Look, she’s either worked on, or had someone else work on that midsection and clearly is better than she’s ever been before, but there is some junior graphic designer buried in the basement of Vibe magazine HQ that will be getting a Mercedes for Christmas straight from Mimi herself as payment for making her look so good.

-Brock

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9 Responses to “That Nick should have never married Mari- STOP IT’S THE MUTHAF#CKIN REMIX!!!”

  1. Be On It Says:

    Lake,

    I wish you the best in your endeavor to conquer the world as the greatest nilla goldigger/man whore. But we all know the truth. 1. You’re too smart (and you thought you’d never have a drawback to a Duke degree). 2. You may be silky smooth and all, but you may need to hit the gym and tanning salon to get that nilla gigolo thing going full steam. Skinty and funny may work for Wack Cannon, but I dunno ’bout you. Pictures maybe? The pimp fur makes it hard to tell what you’re working with. But trust, most nilla d!ck for hire needs to come with that super sexy, Oliver Martinez (or, if you prefer blonds, Paul Walker) steez.

    I was going to shoot your dream down some more, but I left my hater cap at home today. Anywho, happy rich cougar hunting. And when you’re gripping on to that lipo’ed, silicone filled body with skin Botoxed to the consistency of putty, just tell yourself that two years will go by just like that.

  2. Juan Harris Says:

    Negative arses notwithstanding, you need to check out this website
    knickerpicker dot com. Those crazy english!

  3. Lake Arlington Says:

    Juan I peeped it. Pretty good concept, but we do need some more diversity on those ladies. The middle white chick had the best tail. Overall, it’s definitely a good gimmick and I appreciate it. Good eye.

  4. Lake Arlington Says:

    Haaa… Don’t worry bout what I’m working with ma’…. unless you’re really trying to open up the fur.. but once you do that, there’s no turning back now. Lol. Come on now. I could get Mariah in a pinch. Just get the white man fade, an extra medium bape tee, dark true religions, and some adidas campos with the medium fat lace and I’m all set. Oh, I clean up real nice baby girl….don’t you worry. We just gotta find me a rich target not named King Latifah.

    My game is tight.

  5. Will Says:

    maaaan ionevenknow where to start on this one!!
    1) MC looks like airbrushed-shit. that Vibe cover is special FX for that azz!
    2) Her double chin can barely be contained.
    2 1/2) NC and MC – WTF?!
    3) props for the Tiny comparison! lmao
    4) i picture some Old Head lookin at the Aretha pic going ‘Bang bang bang bang!’

    UvT – u guys are great.

  6. RosyF Says:

    Brock is rigth, this an airbrush special. Now I believe she didn’t eat for a week and got her personal trainer on. But she damn sure got her graphic artist on.

    I love the Queen of soul. I have nothing but R-E-S-P-E-C-T for her but I am tired of seeing her damn melons. Lawd have mercy.

  7. ODB Says:

    She’s doable, but only barely. Money aint a thang.

  8. Tele Envision Says:

    A true Butter face.

  9. Lake’s Perfunctory Chicks Post « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] start off with a newly married Mariah Carey Cannon.  Dude, remember when I praised her long about two weeks ago for her Hollywood smooth body piece?  Well, I guess it’s like my girl Jabz B from DC says, […]

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