Boring: Nack Cannon and Mariah Got Married?


Has there ever been a more boring couple that you could have less use for?

OK. I’ll admit, I have a use for Rihanna’s thick ass thigh over there on the left side, but otherwise I’m not too excited. What’s interesting about these two is that I actually have a use for both when they’re apart, just not together. Fine, I’m just hatin’, if Rihanna needed a place to pop, lock and drop it, I’d be her man too.

Even more useless than these two? Can it get worse? Yes it can… A bunch of media outlets are saying that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married in “the islands” (whatever that means) a few days back.

He’s 27, she’s 38 (damn, Mariah is that old?) Why in the hell would Nick mess with her and then really put it down like that?

Ok, but other than her dough? Come on… Nick makes some money from that awful improv show and besides, he’s been blazing Kim Kardashian and Selita Ebanks… come on, you don’t go from Filet Mignon and Lobster to Arby’s people, I’m sorry. And before you comment, Arby’s is exactly what Mariah is. I mean, have you ever seen someone with big breasts, minimal fat and long hair look less sexy in a revealing outfit?

Look, I give Mariah credit. She looks better now than she’s ever looked before. But Nick, look long and hard. This is a 38 year old woman, and it is never going to be any better than what you see here. You were dating a Vicky Secrets model. And you end up with Mariah? I know the kid on Chappelle’s show thought you were “Hilaaaaarious” but you ain’t that funny to me. In fact, this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen you do and I’m laughing at you, not with you.

While you are going downhill…I can’t hate on the track record. You went from this…

Ooooooh. Christina “two scoops” Milian does it for me every time.

To this:

I wasn’t up on Selita Ebanks too tough, but I am now. That ass piece is struggling to escape…and I like that.

To this:

Damn, I thought that was photoshopped, but I think that is real from 2005

Come on, I wouldn’t date Mariah Carey….sans that money. Sheyut, everybody has a price. Anyway, this must be a fake story or a publicity stunt. Either way, it kind of makes me yawn.

Nick, I hope all that money acts as a salve when you look up at age 35 and your lady is pushing 50 and you feel that pain for not opting for a young tender when you had the chance. Nick, remember the assology mantra…thick today is swole tomorrow.

Who am I kidding, this might not last the whole calendar year. Especially when Mariah finds out Nick remixed the ring he gave Selita.


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3 Responses to “Boring: Nack Cannon and Mariah Got Married?”

  1. Will Says:

    Aww man, Nick played hisself like THAT?! Yo Mariah looks like an old steak left out for DAYS – once was ripe and juicy, but now……

    Yo The Game said it best back in (damn!) 2005: “I’d do anything/but I won’t fuck Ma-ri-ah!”….thought it was dead-ed right there but apparently Nickolas didn’t get that memo.

  2. Lake Arlington Says:

    Hey, Nick might be out for that paper. Let’s be clear, Mariah’s is long.

  3. Juan Harris Says:

    Check out this website knickerpicker dot com

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