Can You Hear Naomi Now?

by

Naomi Campbell is a world famous supermodel.

Naomi Campbell

She’s know for being beautiful, she’s known for strutting down the catwalk, she’s know for rocking ridiculously large stunna shades at all times, she’s also known for pushing 40 and keeping those J’s perky apparently.

Anyway, you know how you have friends who always do certain things. You know, the guy who fights when he’s drunk, the dude who wants to go eat a 6am every time he goes to the club, or the guy who will always yell out “stripclub!” when you are trying to figure out what to do at night? (By the way, Lake is all three of those guys) You know, people who just react a certain way in a certain situation…Well apparently Ms. Campbell likes to throw phones at people.

Peep this rap sheet:

  • In 2000, she pleaded guilty in a Toronto court to a 1998 assault on Georgina Galanis, her then assistant; Campbell had assaulted Galanis with a telephone in a hotel room and threatened to throw her out of a moving car. So she started out with the hotel phone. You could actually catch a serious beatdown with a hotel phone.
  • In March 2005, Campbell allegedly slapped assistant Amanda Brack and beat her around the head with a BlackBerry personal organizer. Not the Blackberry beatdown. Is that like getting pistol whipped? Look, once you get hit once with a Blackberry you gotta start some head movement, slap it out of her hand, or something. How do you get hit more than once with a Blackberry?
  • On March 30, 2006 in New York City, Campbell was arrested for allegedly assaulting her housekeeper with a jewel-encrusted mobile phone, resulting in a bloody head that required several stitches. This is the bling beatdown. I’m going to hope this once was either thrown or she snuck up on this chick from behind.

  • On October 25, 2006, Campbell was arrested in London on suspicion of assault; she was released on police bail. Okay, this one may be more open. Maybe she beat someone down with a pager, or a sidekick, perhaps even a walkie-talkie…wanted to mix it up a little bit.
  • On April 3, 2008 Campbell was arrested at Heathrow‘s Terminal 5. A police statement suggests the model was held on suspicion of assaulting a police officer. Oh this one is the killer. You can’t even pretend that you are going to start some shit in an airport without catching the rubber glove treatment. This chick went on ahead and beat down a cop with a phone.

So how did this work? Don’t you have to drop the phone in the metal detector before you roll though security? Does she know some kind of ninja phone-jitsu where she has these things strapped to the small of her back, one in her boot, and one up her sleeve like a damn ninja throwing star?

So this chick has to go down this time, right? You can’t beat down a cop in an airport with a phone. Hey, let’s look on the bright side. At least this chick didn’t start this shit in the 80’s.

If she was rolling like Gordon Gekko, she might have killed a motherf*cker by now.

-Brock

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One Response to “Can You Hear Naomi Now?”

  1. RosyF Says:

    Naomi is definitely off key with the phone thing but so fabulous. That woman is fierce in every way. I loved it when she wore that Naomi hit me t-shirt: http://www.eastnews.com.pl/news/temat.php?temat=00159806&przelacz=koszyk

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