Is Lindsay Lohan thick or not?

by

You probably remember that I referred to Lindsay Lohan as a “Thick White Woman” oh about three weeks back and immediately the boo birds came out complaining. Well, we huddled up in here at Castle Greyskull aka UvT headquarters, put it in the lab and came up with this finding:

uvt-review.jpg

After further review of dat azz and dem thighs, the call on the blog has been REVERSED as Ms. Lohan does NOT, I repeat, does NOT have the requisite thickness to be deemed a ‘Thick White Woman’ .

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It’s ok Linds, I was shocked too. Here’s why you got dinged though:

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Damn, now I know how Randy Jackson really feels when he gets that bad song choice or maybe just ok for him kind of effort.

randy-jackson.jpg

Quite frankly, I expected better. But unfortunately, this type of side angle with the black tights never lies. For all the kids at home, drugs lie, this angle doesn’t. It simply tells the entire tragic story. See, with a standard issue thick, semi thick or even surprisingly strong chick, these wild leggings would truly set the party off with a bang and you’d see it starting at the middle calf. This shot just leaves us wondering “where the fuck it baybay and why didn’t she take her kids with her,” ya know? Intern, give me a blow up on Camera 2.

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Yeah, oh, well, see that’s what I’m talking about. Sure, there’s a little punchiness there on the backflex, but that’s not enough thunder to get you to that next level. In fact, she’s not even making it precipitate here, while I’m looking for her to make it thunderstorm. And while the world needs sun, Lake needs fun, so this just aint gonna cut it. So it’s official, I renounce dat ass and relegate it to the land of pancakes, flapjacks and Rihanna on most days and nights.

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Hard for me to admit it, but I still have high hopes for her better half. Oh yes, that’s right, on the same investigative inquiry, her breasts were found to be everything we and Dennis Green thought they were: Stupendous.

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Thus, they’ll keep their rating of “Utterly Stupid” until she has to get them recertified in 12 weeks time.

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Anyway, it’s settled now. You haters errr keen observers win this one. Lindsay’s arse does not warrant the “thick” moniker and will not be referred to as such no mo’. And just so we all understand, THIS is a thick white woman.

jade_2.jpg

No need to lay it on too strong, but I just had to quickly illustrate the point. I’m still a Lindsay fan, but it’s getting harder and harder to call her UvT quality. I don’t know. She’s going to have to work hard for me in the balance of 2008. Summer is coming so I’m confident that she’ll lace me with some new top down chrome spinning joints or maybe a sex tape for my birthday? We’ll see.

-Lake

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6 Responses to “Is Lindsay Lohan thick or not?”

  1. F Says:

    lol.

    flawless post.

  2. otis Says:

    who is that chick wit the thunder at the end of the post?

  3. Triple_B Says:

    3 Beezus!
    Back again. Chiming in on Ms. Lohan. Now I realize that there has been much publicity revolving around this young lady and she definitely has a constituency in support of her”good looks”. In fact my friend Victor Wang (no this is not the 2 Fyve) has been a fan of hers since day one. Back in the Parent Trap days, no lie, and he has always tried to make me see the light or the *ahem* “headlights, as it were. But i must say that i have never been inclined to look twice. Lindsay (we’re on a first name basis, i’ve talked o her at the club) has always been nice if like them “young and strung”, Kate Moss style. and Lindsay is top heavy I’ll give her that, but i cannot abide by the ironing board backside. And then to take on Ms. Monroe on those assets alone? The audacity! It is well known that Marilyn hovered around a size12/size14. And not today’s size 12, mind you. The real size 12. She to use the vernacular….”super thick”. For Lindsay to try and emulate an icon with and ass that looks like it got hit with a lunch-tray, in my opinion, show bad form and weak character. Perhaps its time for my treatise on Booty vs Boobs. Indulge me if you will, gentleman.

    I equate having breasts to winning the lottery. Theres nothing you have to do to get them. You are either blessed or you are not. If not, with todays medicine and technology, you can surely get them. The market is flooded with boobs, good ones, bad ones, real ones, fake ones, fake real one (push up bra), and really fake ones. The point is the stock has plummeted. In fact they’ve been trading at such an inflated price for so many years they were bound to crash. Now that brings us to the butt. While you can get breasts anywhere, a good ass doesn’t just fall out of the sky. Of course genetics does play a role, but we all know that to get it just right time and effort must be invested. Stairmaster (not to much or muscle butt will ensue), running (to keep the calf and hamstring in check, once again not to much) and of course regular visits to Bojangles to make sure things stay soft and supple (again not too much, though some beg to differ). Clearly there is a work ethic involved in getting and keeping a nice “donkey”. That probably means that you have an industrious, self-motivated “slimmy” (old slang look it up) on your hands. A rarity indeed. There more to be said about what fine shaped behind implies but it need not be said for this argument.

    Linsday Lohan is not thick, nor does she take of herself or that azz. Therefore i can only conclude, by the argument that i have put forth, that she is low quality. Lake you seem to holding out in hopes that things will get better. I suggest you move on my friend, because that ass is Freeman, Monoghan, Affleck and Affleck……..Gone Baby gone.

    -END

  4. Lake Arlington Says:

    WOW… The man has spoken. I’m speechless and that in and of itself is crazy..

  5. Lake Arlington Says:

    Yo, Otis, she’s a hip hop model named “Jade” and she’s got more pics where that came from my man…

  6. otis Says:

    oh cool thx ill look her up if u got more hook a brotha up hahha. yall keep up the good work me and my partna check yalls site everyday cause yall are comedic genisus

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