You probably remember that I referred to Lindsay Lohan as a “Thick White Woman” oh about three weeks back and immediately the boo birds came out complaining. Well, we huddled up in here at Castle Greyskull aka UvT headquarters, put it in the lab and came up with this finding:
After further review of dat azz and dem thighs, the call on the blog has been REVERSED as Ms. Lohan does NOT, I repeat, does NOT have the requisite thickness to be deemed a ‘Thick White Woman’ .
It’s ok Linds, I was shocked too. Here’s why you got dinged though:
Damn, now I know how Randy Jackson really feels when he gets that bad song choice or maybe just ok for him kind of effort.
Quite frankly, I expected better. But unfortunately, this type of side angle with the black tights never lies. For all the kids at home, drugs lie, this angle doesn’t. It simply tells the entire tragic story. See, with a standard issue thick, semi thick or even surprisingly strong chick, these wild leggings would truly set the party off with a bang and you’d see it starting at the middle calf. This shot just leaves us wondering “where the fuck it baybay and why didn’t she take her kids with her,” ya know? Intern, give me a blow up on Camera 2.
Yeah, oh, well, see that’s what I’m talking about. Sure, there’s a little punchiness there on the backflex, but that’s not enough thunder to get you to that next level. In fact, she’s not even making it precipitate here, while I’m looking for her to make it thunderstorm. And while the world needs sun, Lake needs fun, so this just aint gonna cut it. So it’s official, I renounce dat ass and relegate it to the land of pancakes, flapjacks and Rihanna on most days and nights.
Hard for me to admit it, but I still have high hopes for her better half. Oh yes, that’s right, on the same investigative inquiry, her breasts were found to be everything we and Dennis Green thought they were: Stupendous.
Thus, they’ll keep their rating of “Utterly Stupid” until she has to get them recertified in 12 weeks time.
Anyway, it’s settled now. You haters errr keen observers win this one. Lindsay’s arse does not warrant the “thick” moniker and will not be referred to as such no mo’. And just so we all understand, THIS is a thick white woman.
No need to lay it on too strong, but I just had to quickly illustrate the point. I’m still a Lindsay fan, but it’s getting harder and harder to call her UvT quality. I don’t know. She’s going to have to work hard for me in the balance of 2008. Summer is coming so I’m confident that she’ll lace me with some new top down chrome spinning joints or maybe a sex tape for my birthday? We’ll see.