Governor Gets Caught in Wire Tap: Eliot’s Mess

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Maaaayne, I turned on my radio this morning and I heard 50 Cent’s P.I.M.P Remix featuring New York’s Gov. Eliot “Mess” Spitzer and T Pain.

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Surprisingly, Eliot was signing the hook, listen:

I don’t know what you heard about me
But these hoes got $5,000 dollars outta me
They dropped a wire and got your boy E
I deserve better after paying 5 Gs (Yuh!)

Daaaayum, it appears that Governor Eliot Spitzer got hemmed up in a prostitution sting in Washington, D.C. I guess they raided some “offices” and found paperwork that “links him” (what does that mean?) to the “prostitution ring.” Links him? Does that mean he was banging out hizzies or not?

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I know, I know…ha It’s just that I like Eliot and hate to see him go out like this. It’s pretty crazy, because if you ever listen to his speeches, homey talks like he’s the head of the League of Justice or something. But when he read that statement this morning, homey sounded like Kanye trying to explain that W didn’t care about black people. It was more than uncomfortable.

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Dude, all the details aren’t in yet, but it looks like dude was paying these hoes 3-5 grand for some tail…

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Damn, what kind of chicks are these? I mean is this cat literally banging out Linsay Lohan or something? Crazy. Hard out here for a pimp? How could it be? For that money, Eliot could have flown out to a remote location to get some. Damn. Let me ask you guys something, if you had to go down in a sex scandal, which way would you go? I took the liberty of listing a few in terms of worst to easiest to handle. All these scandals assume that you are a politician who is married with children:

1. I’m a Gay American

The Gay dude who has been frontin’ with the stepford wife

2. The Sexual Assault ‘Lose-Lose’ Scenario

This is a particularly ill one. A chick claims you sexually assaulted her and your only defense is, “She wanted it too”.. Uhhh, don’t ya hate when THAT happens?

3. Baby Mama Drama

You get exposed for the love child, which means not only were you hitting something wild style, but you were quietly throwing hush money at it, or not, either way, you’re fucked.

4. Hoez I knows

Paying for it and getting caught in the okie doke with the credit card statement.

5. Head Man in Charge

Getting some love from that secretary “under the desk”. This one is all too classic. Almost doesn’t even register on the radar screen.

No matter how you slice it, this is UGLY for Eliot Mess. You know the GOP types are loving this! Eliot was already in trouble, it’s just a matter of time until he’s forced to peace out. Damn, E, thanks for the Christmas card though.

– Lake

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7 Responses to “Governor Gets Caught in Wire Tap: Eliot’s Mess”

  1. jposty Says:

    They got wind he was involved due to him being on a federal wire tap… and he also broke a few ETF laws.

    Forget the sex, the ethic violations, the hypocrisy, et al… it is quite illegal to transfer money electronically across state lines for the commission of a crime.

    -James
    http://www.thepoliticus.org

  2. raafman Says:

    That expression from Eliot’s presser needs to go in the pantheon of faces. Maybe it could be called the “my sanctimonious ass just got caught tapping the hizzles at $5k a pop” face. Just a suggestion.

  3. raafman Says:

    I meant to add, “… but I’m trying, Ringo, I’m trying to hold on to the last scraps of my malodorous career as a lawmaker, and oh, by the way, I’ll never be President” face.

  4. KIR in NV Says:

    I enjoyed the look on his wife’s face. Can’t think of many things worse than chillin’ at a press conference while your man tries to get the stank off hisself. Unless you’re the dude reading the pub release written by your staff…err, your personal heartfelt apology.

    But of course these poli-chicks always “stand by their man” and let these dudes skate on their scandalous behavior. Next…

  5. Lake Arlington Says:

    Funny, I had the same convo with my “lady friend” tonight. She seemed to believe that she’d leave him in the dust instead of stand there like a fool. I suspect that it’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve got kids, homes and dough tied into each other. But I hear you…

  6. KIR in NV Says:

    Speaking for the “us” and not the “them”, I can assure you I would not be attending any press conferences, unless *I* could take questions from the press afterwards. And homey thought he had issues containing his hizzoe spill…well that would be the least of his problems.

    As far as the kids are concerned, I don’t want my man setting this kind of example up in my crib. You gotta go.

    Lastly, the financial issues are a no-brainer because “us” always lock it down with the appropriate pre- and post-nuptial agreements. That’s how we roll. You never know when your man might lose his damn mind and you need to make sure his stupid behavior doesn’t impact your portfolio.

  7. Brock Hardon Says:

    KIR in NV is on fire right now!

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