Ridiculous: Gold Digging Lax players sue Duke

by

When asked what they would say to Nifong if he were in the room, Rae Evans, the mother of indicted player David Evans, says, “I would say with a smile on my face, ‘Mr. Nifong, you’ve picked on the wrong families … and you will pay every day for the rest of your life.‘”

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Doesn’t that just say it all? And you know that she meant it. It’s the sentiment that unifies every single Lax parent and player who just won’t let this thing die because now they feel like they’ve got to send a message. And what is that message? Let me paraphrase:

Don’t fuck with the kind of white folks who send their kids to Duke. The shit you pulled with this case, which we understand that you pull everyday, with all kinds of “other people” for various different reasons, that shit doesn’t fly here. We’re different. We’re special. We’ve got money, power and connections and we’ll teach you not to fuck with people like us ever again..”

That’s what Rae Evans meant when she said that and believe you me, she meant it! That’s why her son is walking around with $6 million of Duke’s money in his pocket and probably more to come. Now the rest of the team is following her lead, when they should just leave good enough alone..

Attorney, Chuck Cooper, filed a law suit last week on behalf of 38 money grubbing Duke Lacrosse players and their parental units, some of whom are pictured here:

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Right, add these names to the list of the most ridiculous people in all of Sports:

Edward “Bo” Carrington, Casey Carrol, Mike Catalino, Gale Catalino, Tom Clute, Kevin Coleman, Josh Coveleski, Ned Crotty, Ed Douglas, Kyle Dowd, Patricia Dowd, Daniel Flannery, Gibbs Fogarty, Zack Greer, Irene Greer, Erika Henkelman, Steven Henkelman, John “Jay” Jennison, Ben Koesterer, Fred Krom, Pete Lamade, Adam Langley, Chris Loftus, Daniel Loftus, Barbara Loftus, Tony McDevitt, Glenn Nick, Nick O’Hara, Lynnda O’Hara, Dan Oppedisano, Sam Payton, Brad Ross, Kenneth Sauer, Steve Schoeffel, Rob Schroeder, Devon Sherwood, Dan Theodoridis, Bret Thompson, Chris Tkac, Tracy Tkac, John Walsh, Michael Ward, Robert Wellington, William Wolcott, Michael Young.

I find it completely hilarious that these guys are suing Duke and the City of Durham after all the hell they caused both institutions. As if they didn’t play an integral role in this whole debacle. Suing Duke for what? Oh, I get it, they all wanted to be expressly indicted like Dave, Colin and Reade, huh? Then maybe they could have scored a huge payday and gotten plum jobs on Wall Street too.

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Heck, maybe they could have even robbed Duke for a cool $6 million each like Colin, Reade and Dave did? I mean, why shouldn’t they get in on the gravy train, right?

To the Parents who are Suing

And what about the parents of players who are suing Duke? What, did the old ladies at your country club gasp when they heard Gibbs might be involved with strippers that may or may not have been raped by him or one of his boys? Are they giving you “the look”?

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Did you get an uncomfortable feeling at during that game of squash or at the afternoon tea?

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I mean, what possible justification could YOU, a parent of a knucklehead who got mixed up in this mess, have for this lawsuit? To call it frivolous is a gift; it’s downright outrageous!!! I mean, what’s the theory of your case, is it “Infringement on your Right to Tell Fanciful Stories About How Well Your Son Is Doing Both Socially and Academically at Duke“?

Seriously, do any of these parents realize that ANYBODY and EVERYBODY who has ever had a family member accused of something, and by the way, the people in this lawsuit were NEVER accused in a court of law, is upset and yes, “hurt” by that experience? Get over yourselves, you don’t deserve anything more than the next mother who is upset when her son does something stupid or is associated with someone who has done something stupid. I mean, just because you called your family doctor and upped that dosage on those anti-depression and sleep meds you already took before this incident, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a damn penny from Duke University.

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How about you check your kid’s values and principles first and then while you’re at it, check your own. You don’t deserve a damn thing, in fact, some of us wish your kid never went to Duke in the first place because we care more about the reputation of our University than your son’s right to run around and play a fringe sport, drink his cheap liquor and dial up strippers on the weekends. Duke is an institution of higher learning that would have been better off if you kids never came to Duke at all, but now YOU deserve an award for what you’re been through?

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In reality, you OWE us, not the other way around. The fact is that your boys aren’t innocent in the least. At a minimum they threw a ridiculous and illegal party with strippers, got into a fight with them when they wouldn’t take the party into the back room errrr dance the “right way,” followed by threats to sodomize them with a broom and here’s the money shot, and yelled racist epithets at them 10 feet away from East Campus. Who’s fault is that? Nifong? Broadhead?

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Or this muthafucka in the blue shirt rubbing his dizzick up on Crystal Mangum?

Perfect. Yeah, I can see why Duke and Durham should pay them for that.. Makes perfect sense to me.

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And to the Players who are Suing

What did you guys actually expect Duke to do after you fucked things up so royally for all of us? Let’s not forget, YOU voluntarily gave DNA samples, which exonerated you by the way, and now you’re suing? Wake up!!! When someone accuses you of rape, people are going to investigate the alleged crime. What did you expect Duke to do, release a statement saying, “Fuck Dem Central Hoes?”

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Hell yeah Duke was cautious about coming out and defending you immediately. What do you expect? You have to when you’re dealing with idiots like you! I mean, how much more could Duke have done for you? Was it Duke that called the strippers over? Did Duke put those Natty Lights and bottles of Everclear in your hands? Did Duke yell racist threats to these chicks when the thing went wrong? Do you actually believe for a microsecond that you should have played out that season with the scandal hanging over everyone’s heads?

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I mean, realistically, what more do you guys want? And even if they shouldn’t have canceled the season, so what? It’s Lacrosse at Duke! It’s not your 4th, 5th and 6th Amendment rights being breached. It wasn’t even your “right” to get a Duke education. It was your right to run around with a helmet and a stick with tens of people watching you from the stands!

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These guys are the best. They fuck shit up for Duke University by creating this entire mess and now they deserve money from Durham and Duke? You know what, I think I’m starting to see where these guys are coming from. I think I’ll go back and sue some chicks who didn’t let me hit.

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And that old lady who looked at me funny when I asked for a blue book because I forgot mine, I think I’ll sue her too. In fact, I think I’ll just go ahead and sue Duke for my GPA which probably could have been higher had they “supported me” in my time of need aka Organic Chemistry… I’m quite sure if they had supported me more, I could have done far better. Hell, I deserved Summa Cum Lade for my efforts at Duke, but I’ll settle for the low low price of $100k like what these guys are reportedly asking for.

And what about Devon Sherwood?

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This cat.. I mean, this kid has gigantic nuts to be suing Duke for this.
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How is it that he’s suing? LOL. This cat is the only player who was expressly excluded from the entire investigation, but now he’s got his hand out?!!!

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For what? Honestly, what possibly could Devon Sherwood be owed by Duke and Durham, NC. He was singled out for NOT being at the party and NOT fitting he description of the alleged attackers, so what happened to him? Did he have hurt feelings? Is it that he suffer the loss of one year of Lax? I mean, literally, what possible explanation could this cat have for being a part to this lawsuit?

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What, does he want some ice to match those terrible earrings he’s got on? Does he want reparations for being the only black cat on the team and thus the only eligible black cat to stand up there in support of Dave Evans when he delivered that impassioned “I’ll Have Some Green” speech?

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Hey, Devon, here’s an idea. Go walk over on West Campus and trip over one of those dangerous chain link ropes. That outta fetch you some cash. Honestly, the concept that those ropes have been negligently draped all over campus for over 40 plus years makes more sense than your attempt to suck money out of Duke for a controversy you were famously and explicitly separated from. Homey pleez, you look ridiculous right now. Hit the books, hit the weights, hell, hit the pawn shop so you can get a matching necklace for those bullshit earrings you’re rocking, but stop the madness with this suit. You don’t deserve shit!

What Duke’s Settlement Offer Should Be

I mean, seriously, you guys have NO INJURY!!!! You can’t get paid if you have no injury!!! You’re just trying to hold a gun to the heads of Duke and Durham because you saw Dave, Colin and Reade get over with it, but you aint Dave, Colin and Reade..

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Hell, even Dave, Colin and Reade didn’t deserve any money. Duke just gave them dough to go away. I would give you a coke and a smile to go away, but you don’t deserve a smile and coke costs 1.5 food points and I already told you I aint givin’ yo’ asses a fucking dime!!! Look, if I were Duke, I’d offer a settlement of a year’s supply of General Tso’s Chicken from that terrible Chinese spot, Han’s, on the Bryan Center Walkway!!! LOL Hell, I’ll even chip in and buy you fellas a large meat lover’s pizza from Dominoes.

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It will be real fun, we can do it over off East Campus. Devon Sherwood can bring the wings and Zack can call the strippers errrrr girls from West Campus over and it will be a fun night… ya know?

Just Move On

And trust me, being accused of a crime by a nutso stripper and overzealous prosecutor does not constitute an injury that you should be compensated for. It’s called, “Shit other people deal with everyday!” I know, I know, you’re from the North East, you’ll eventually have a Duke degree, you can bench press 245 lbs. and you’ve got boyish good looks and a full head of hair.

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You know what, so do I, but I didn’t gravy train a random ass sport that generates zero revenue to get into Duke. MOST OF YOU DID! You should be happy that you’re there at all!!!

Just move on. You’ve already been made out as heroes for throwing a party, yelling racist shit at some strippers and being part of a rouge athletic program. Let’s face it, 75% of your clowns should have never been aceepted to Duke to begin with. Just think about what you clowns have already cost our University in the way of image, money and heartache.

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Shit, your “team” doesn’t generate enough revenue to cover the balls you use. We should be suing you! Truth be told, our cause of action would probably be more legitimate.

No love.

– Lake

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26 Responses to “Ridiculous: Gold Digging Lax players sue Duke”

  1. Joe Smith Says:

    I have several questions of the author.
    1. Have you actually read the entire suit? Or do you base you opinion on other published reports?
    2. If you answered yes to the first question, do you think the majority of claims in the suit are true?
    3. If you answered no to the second question, would your opinion of the suit change if the all claims could be proven to be true?

    Just curious?

  2. anonymous Says:

    Funny article and so true – I think your reaction to the suits is exactly what a jury would think and most of America. It is a hold up. I do not feel comfortable using my name as these folk attack opinions with a vengence.

  3. roper Says:

    Hey, Lake. Fuck you.

  4. jb Says:

    Wow! i guess manufacturing edvidence to produce guilt is one topic that is definitely on your backburner.

    I guess you spend most of your days defending felonous drug smacked stripper prostitutes. Hmmm, I bet your DNA was on CGM’s rape kit.

    Go suck an egg, egghead!!

  5. Lake Arlington Says:

    Joe Smith:

    1. Of course I haven’t read the whole thing. I don’t have time to read 237 pages of legitimate legal writing, much less that thing. Rest assured that I have perused the relevant sections, namely, “Duke Reacts to the Rape Charge, Closing Its Eyes To The Truth And Condemning, Punishing, Harassing, And Betraying The Lacrosse Players”. It was almost as objective, well-reasoned and even-handed as the Section Heading Title itself. What they should have titled it was, “Give Us Some Money Like Reade, Colin And Dave, We Deserve It…Trust Us.”

    Anyway, I did read that particular section and not a single word of it establishes a legal duty, a breach of said unestablished duty or most of all AN INJURY to these 38 players!!! That’s the point, they can be pissed all they want, and maybe Duke could have been better to these guys, but this mess is more their doing than they have ever admitted to and WE’VE ALL BEEN BURNED BY IT… The rest of us are moving on, THEY are suing. The lawsuit against Duke is frivolous and embarrassing both in theory AND in writing. Seriously, the more I read, the more ridiculous it gets. Like this theory that the team was legally injured by the cancellation of the first two games and then the season? Where is the legal precedent for that, from Kelly Leak and the Bad Newz Bears? “Let them play…Let them play”.. please..

    2. I think the claims don’t rise to a legal duty, beach of that duty and injury that is actionable in a civil court of law.

    3. First of all, the “claims” are very convoluted and extensive so I can’t speak to the truth of all of them, much less the impact of putative truth. But because you seem serious and reasonable, I’ll respond to you:

    If for instance, as the suit claims, the medical examiner “intentionally mislead” (incidentally, how do you prove that? Isn’t it more likely that she was just doing her job, unaware of the impact of a mis-diagnosis of medical injuries associated with rapes, which, incidentally, are famously hard to differentiate from regular sexual activity) or “recklessly” concluded that Mangum had injuries that were consistent with her claim of rape, then yes, that would be actionable, but not for THESE defendants! You could argue that it would be actionable for Reade, Colin and Dave Evans, but even THAT theory of liability is severely attenuated. To claim that the medical examiner’s actions, on behalf of Duke, were a breach of her duty to those unknown and unidentified unindicted Duke Lax players and that said breach was a significant CAUSE of their injury, which I already told you is legally nonexistent, is ridiculous.

    Obviously I’m offended by the whole thing. It was smart for Duke to settle with the three guys who were charged, though I have my doubts about their case as well. This particular suit is a freaking joke, only I’m not laughing. No love.

  6. Lake Arlington Says:

    JB:

    That DNA crack was kind of funny. I appreciate that. I don’t defend the accuser. I do, however, think that she is just stone cold crazy. The Lax dudes fucked up major and we all paid for it. Who’s fault it that? Mine? Duke’s? Durham’s? When will they step forward and take responsibility for what they did. Trust me, if I threw a party with strippers that accused me of rape back when I was at Duke, I would have been suspended… that’s a guaran-damn-tee. Believe me, Duke was more than fair to these dudes considering the mess they put us all in. If they are so interested in justice, why don’t they come forward and identify the dude who threatened to sodomize one of those chicks with the broomstick. Why not expose the dude who was talking about his “cotton shirt”…. Go ahead and put his punk ass on 60 Minutes, then you can talk about truth, honestly and accountability. Clearly that same guy, or two or so of those guys, is now suing Duke, Durham and all kinds of people as if all of this isn’t his fault..at least in part. But for their fucked up actions, none of this would have EVER occurred.. I’ll say it again, no love and you can suck something other than an egg… Thanks for reading.. LOL

  7. Lake Arlington Says:

    Roper:

    I love you man. I tend to see things in black and white terms, so I like your clear and concise approach to the matter. All I can say is f*ck you too, kiss my a$$ and eat a d*ck… friends?

  8. anonymous Says:

    good laugh and thanks for the defense of the poor 40K a year nurse. to my knowledge no one has seen a forged/corrected or doctored report. they make this stuff up and then run with it. Any chance these suits (including the McF who wrote the emial, Wilson, who was arrested for drunk driving and Archer who was suspended because he choose not to complete his assignment) be dropped from the court for lack of merit?? Go get them, Lake

  9. Lake Arlington Says:

    Anonymous, I hear you. Ryan McFayden or whatever his name is doesn’t bother me quite as much because his shit was put on the street and he had to leave campus. I mean, at least the University actually had some meaningful interaction with him resulting in an imposition on his life. These other guys are literally a bunch of money grubbers who need a bus pass over to Durham tech to finish out their academic careers, rather than be suing Duke. Seriously, these guys should be happy to be at Duke at all…and after what they pulled with that stupid ass party that embarrassed all of us, they shouldn’t be saying shit but “I’m sorry for the harm I caused”… Instead they’re suing? Devon Sherwood? Pleez.. These guys are clowns.

  10. so wrong Says:

    I believe devon sherwood was at the party. He was fingered for not being white and therefore was eliminated as a suspect. Sorta makes ya look bad to be that wrong about the black guy. If he wasn’t at the party he would never have been a subject to eliminate. CRYSTAL made sure the black guy would not be fingered, so she said only white guys did it. So he musta been at the party. Otherwise, how did she know to say that it wasnt the black guy.

    you must be confused.

  11. Lake Arlington Says:

    Dear Mr. So Wrong:

    How do I look bad again? Your “I believe” qualification means you aren’t sure about what you’re talking about. I can tell by the lack of substance in your comment that your an idiot anyway. Let’s just say for a second that he was at the party, does that mean that he wasn’t expressly eliminated? Do you actually think your half statement concerning whether Sherwood was or was not a the party relates at all to the price of tea in China, to how insignificant that minor point in this overarching debate is or how much of a bleeding imbecile you are? No… I think YOU’RE the one who is confused. Coming on here, making some bullshit minor point that sheds absolutely no light on the issue of whether the suit is legitimate or not adds absolutely nothing to the debate. If there is one thing I’m completely clear on is that the next time you post something, I’d rather someone just put something in your mouth as my zipper is currently stuck. LOL. I read he wasn’t at the party….produce evidence to the contrary, then write me a 2,000 word book report on why that matters in the least toward invalidating my central point. Idiot.

  12. Duke Lax doesn't deserve this!! Says:

    Lake, you don’t know what you’re talking about. They’re all great guys and give so much back to the community. Duke is fortunate to have young men so willing to stand up for what they believe in. What kind of country do we live in where service providers can tell lies about upstanding citizens that are destined to perform great services for our society. Long live Duke Lacrosse and long live a free and sovereign United States.

    “I told you muthafuckas…Finnerty ain’t take that pussy!
    Get money, get paid, you can beat that shit
    Even if the DA is a piece’a shit
    Durham got bravado, but they ain’t shit…”
    -Ice Cube

  13. kbp Says:

    What you have posted here in the blog and comments illustrates you are not all that familiar with the facts involved. I actually read your blog twice to see if it was just posted for the sake of humor only. I am still uncertain if some or all of the inaccuracies were included for humor, but after reading your comments I doubt that humor was the reason for such.

  14. Lake Arlington Says:

    KBP:

    Enlighten us as to the facts then. Will ANY of them establish a legal duty, breach of said duty and an injury? Also, how did you like the rest of the blog? Finally, how’s the team looking for this year.. You guys started practice already, right?

    – Lake

  15. Lake Arlington Says:

    Duke Lax doesn’t deserve this:

    Not sure if you’re on my side or not, but Ice Cube parodies are always welcome here. Hilarious.. good work.

  16. kbp Says:

    It would be helpful if you’d enlighten youself more to start things off here by reading ALL of the 3 complaints. My email address was included with the Reply, so feel free to write if you have any questions afterwards.

  17. lindy Says:

    Thank God I live in the West and am not a member of either of the major races. White people and black people are truly the craziest races that ever existed. Duke sucks…ass,dick,balls. They acted holier than thou, they hung people out to dry. It does not matter how much money you do or don’t come from, lies are lies. That stripper lied, she is a truly a mental head case who should be sterilized so she does not bring any other kids into the world. Have you seen her picture? Hell any brown eyed person -black, white or scientologist who wears colored contact lenses to look like they have blue eyes is by nature, a liar. And don’t tell me only rich white boys hire strippers, they certainly do, but I have seen my fair share of the black and brown persuasion indulging in the same thing. Hell, half the rap songs are about strip joints and blow jobs. Shorty get low. Get real. But apparently only whites and blacks have anything ever happen to them. I come from a Montana tribe and this shit goes down here all the time. But no one boo hoos for us. Athletes in general are assholes. The minute they get pegged as special they make a deal with the devil. Strippers in general are selfish ho’s who are looking to part idiots from their money and god bless ’em they do. Universities in general are full of self important people who can not cut it in the real world. Duke could stand to part with a bit of its money, won’t hurt ’em a bit. Think of this as partial punishment for having such a shitty, sub-par, dishonest, graduate business school. I hope Obama gets elected and there is a huge race war between whites and blacks and you all kill each other and leave the place to us! Have a super nice day!

  18. Phil Blair Says:

    Pretty pathetic that you would take the time to put up a site and post this garbage.

    Seems to me someone get his ass whipped or his girl stolen from a lacrosse player at some point.

  19. Lake Arlington Says:

    Phil:

    You’re completely right.. I wrote this because a Duke Lax guy stole my girl..not because THESE dudes ruined the reputation of my alma mater with their stupidity AND THEN had the audactiy to come back and sue….In fact, i apologize to everyone and most of all you… I was completely wrong.. Lol.. .nice try.. Lax Player steal girls? If we were talking Duke Hoops or Duke Law, perhaps.. but Duke Lax? I didn’t even know the Lax team existed when I was at Duke.. literally those cats were a non factor…. too bad it didn’t stay that way huh?

  20. Lake Arlington Says:

    Uhhh, Lindy.. What you talkin bout Willis? If you want respeck for the Montana “tribe” just ax for it.. no need to get ignant.. ha

  21. lindy Says:

    Hey Lake,
    We’ve got something almost as good as respeck….we got casinos…nothing like parting ignant people from their wampum ($).

  22. Phil Blair Says:

    Hey Lake, I understand your thinking but…..the lacrosse players didn’t “ruin the reputation of your alma mater.” They had a party just like dozens of other parties that were held in Durham by dozens of other Duke students.

    The faculty and administration ruined the reputation of your alma mater.

    This website makes you appear as a very very bitter guy.

    Read the statement of Steve Henkelmen….all these guys want is for Duke to take responsibilty and apologize. The lacrosse players did that, why shouldn’t the University? Maybe you should try getting over your anger (which is very clear from the site you created) and think logically. You must be a bright guy if you attended Duke.

    Either way I wish you luck. I hope you can overcome your bitterness.

  23. lindy Says:

    I don’t disagree with making Duke pay, however a more positive gesture might be for the parents to insist that the money be put in a trust to help deserving but economically challenged students pay tuition. Or, establish a fund for children in impoverished areas to pursue advanced education. Or, a scholarship for lacrosse playing strippers. In all seriousness, a college education beats a stripper’s life anyday. This I know for sure. My parents didn’t send me to truck drivin’ school for nothing.

    In other words, money used in the correct way, will benefit all of us in the long run…and you can bank on that.

  24. bill Says:

    I hope they hammer Duke for tens of millions, and keep this negative publicity going on until Duke U’s anus screams.

    It would also be great to see enrollment drop way down and alumni contributions disappear.

    Looks good, too, for it to go on for a looooooooonnnnnnnnggg time.

    Maybe then Duke will flush those A-holes from the “88” crowd and Brodhead down the chute.

  25. Duke Lax Choked in the NCAAs…. « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] now you suckers can concentrate on school errrr your completely credible lawsuits against the same school you have the audacity to play Lacrosse for.  No love.  I laughed when […]

  26. kevin Says:

    i think your jealous that you never get some and they do. asshole

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