Classically terrible Material: Last Night by Az Yet

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I was in a NYC cab with my boy K-Peso a few weeks ago on our way to a party and this song came on. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it, then I just started to get excited though I didn’t know why. I mean, it was something about that intro, it smacked of thousands of jokes in days long past. Then it happened, those first terrible lyrics hit my ears and I immediately demanded that my Pakistani friend at the controls turn that mufucka up!

Dude, I mean, where do I start. First off, I’ll attach these unbelievable lyrics at the end, but first let me make a few comments:

1. The name of the group, “Az Yet”: Come on. I mean, what kind of creative session did these cats have to come up with that? “You know what I’m sayin’ we aint done all we gone do ‘Az Yet’ oh, oh wait, dats it.. On the forreala (remember this was the 90’s). ‘Az Yet,’ now datz whuddup!” Terrible.

2. The Lyrical Content: In order to grasp just how fucking corny and terrible this shit is, you really need to focus all of your attention on the second verse. I mean, is this cat serious with the sincerity with which he delivered those lyrics? And who wrote that shit, a young Farnsworth Bentley? It seems like a basic question, but to write that lyric you have to have an appreciation for the so called “finer things” (mountains, sun, moon, stars, wine, blood) while similtaneously not having any taste or concept for how fucking terrible it really is. That’s not just any ole body. And then the notes they paired it with; that crazy ass step ladder, upper register, Randy Jackson “I just didn’t get it dude” crescendo at the end. I mean, the shit is BONKERS!!!!

“Eye, drank your wine, as you drank my-eye-eye-oow-eye-e-ine, EYE kissed your lips, you suck at politics (that would it sounds like to me) into your soul-o-o-o-o-o-o-O-Oil-OIL, Eye almost cried ‘cuz it was so beautiful!!!!!!!” AAAAHNNT!

3. Choreography and Gear: Do you all see these fucking horrible dance moves these cats are coming with especially in front of that completely bullshit background of clouds, flowers coming into bloom and mountain tops? I mean, these dudes are rocking those same steps the Five Heartbeats had before the old man stepped in, only it wasn’t 1958, it was 1997!!! I mean, that step kick, swing was fucking horrible, almost as horrible as the assortment of linens, whites, patten leathers, and stark blacks they had on. Now we see where the term “Gotta keep it real” actually came from. Somebody saw this shit and immediately needed a cliche to keep the trend at bay. Holy smokes that shit is awful.

4. Composition of the group: First off, you don’t need 6 cornballs for this song, you only need two. Second, I mean, look at these cats. You’ve got your basic “chocolate brother” kicking the song off, then you go to the light skinned cat who clearly just thrives off the fact that he’s light and when he puts that activator to work, he gets immediate results, then you have the clown with the cornrows..and a wild Eric Benet/Latino cat…I mean, jeez. It’s like they handed out parts to cats on how to look. Fucking awful, horrible, horrendous.. I mean, I’d say send these cats to the lions, but luckily history has already done it for me, because you aint seen an Az Yet single in a clean 10 year period. And it’s just a hunch, but how much do yall wanna bet the light skinned cat is working at a Kinko’s in Dallas. Lol.. He just has that real “I’ve got other skillz” look to him.

5. One Liners: What exactly did that cat mean by “Last night, there was no blood in it?” I’ll just leave that right there

6. Now something positive: Fellas, if you’re ever hittin some ass and you literally “see the sun, the moon, the mountains AND the rivers,” that’s some good ass tail. Not only is it Cheapa to Keep her, but that might be something you just go ahead and tuck in for yourself. Either that or you should call Lake the smoove romantic and I’ll set her straight. Ha.

Ok, enough, here are the lyrics:

Last night, you were so into it
You told me secrets that, you never told a soul
You were so nervous and, yet oh so comfortable
As we explored your image of love

I drank your wine as you tasted mine
I kissed your lips you felt my mind slip
Into your soul
I almost cried cuz it was so beautiful

1-Last night I was inside of you
Last night while making love to you
I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers
I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you

Last night there was no blood in it
It was so special and, so very innocent
We talked of memories, our favorite fantasies
As we explored, our visions of love

Deep in the night, right by the fireside
You felt my candlelight in your soul
You felt incredible, I started to explode
I almost cried cuz it was so beautiful
(repeat 1)

Sunlight, (sunlight) red roses (red roses)
The scent of you it calms the heart
The sight of you I fall apart
Moonlight, the things we noticed
Oh we’re in love, that’s when it comes
And I’m so, I’m so in love
(rpt 1…)

-Lake

————-UPDATE—————-

I just want to send out a big F-You to Lake on this one.  It is now 10:30 pm EST and this f’ing song has officially been stuck in my head all day.  Asshole.

-Brock

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