MLB’s farce: The Mitchell Report

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Look, this damn Mitchell report on Steroids use in Major League Baseball is a joke.

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MLB is trying to sell the public a false bill of goods. Early reports have the Mitchell report “exposing” 60-80 former and current players, a few trainers and a manager or two. So what? When Baseball initially did their exploratory investigation back in 2003, the whole idea of having a steroids disciplinary policy was premised on whether over 5% of the current players tested positive for the Juice during the 2002 season. If the percentage of players who tested positive was below the 5% threshold, then they’d go along with this, don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t think policy. If they tested above the 5%, they’d go into phase two of their toothless ambition to rid performance enhancers from the game.

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Guess what, and I know this is a shocker, the testing revealed that these dudes were tweaking off of The Juice.

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MLB said that 5-7% of the random test results came back positive for ‘Roids. Now, they did 1,438 tests that year and each player was tested no more than once. I aint no genius or anythang, but by my calculations eerrr calculator that would make roughly 100 players in that year alone! But yet this Mitchell is coming back with 60 t0 80 names over a 30 year period?

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Hell, just go to the test results from the 2003 and three study and publish them. I know, I know, they were anonymous… Sure they were. And when a doctor examines a hot babe with her shirt off, he’s not looking at those titties either. And when a gay dude sees an attractive straight man at the gym, he’s not having wild imaginations and shit either… Oh and when those female reporters are in the professional team locker rooms, “just doing their jobs” they aren’t looking at the athlete’s junk, either. None of that. Right, tell me anything. If I wanted a dog and pony show, I would have gone to WNBA finals last year.

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Who won that thing by the way? The Shock? The Sparks? Whatever, they’re all the same.

What a freaking joke this all is… This is more of a joke than W’s “investigations” of the CIA leak scandal, 9/11 and “what went wrong” with the Hurricane Katrina Relief. I’m not naive, I understand that nobody wants to thoroughly investigate themselves, but don’t treat my like I’m a complete idiot. Again, lie to me. I know, I know, we’re gonna see names of players we know in that report tomorrow. Let me guess… It’ll be “Here’s another hit” Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeroid, Big Mac, Jose Canseco, Jason “On dat Juice” Giambi, that slug Jason Grimsley from the D-backs, Sammy “I’m not a cheater I just cork a lot” Sosa and a few Latino players nobody has ever heard of.

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Let me tell you when you’ll know for sure that it’s a complete joke and lie; when you don’t see Roger “Super Roid Rage” Clemens’ name up on the list.

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I mean, does anybody with an ounce of brain tissue in their head doubt that the guy was on the juice late in his career? Oh I know, you just get better at pitching with age. Oh and he didn’t exhibit any of the symptoms of steroids either, yeah right. Homey looked like that big ole Gossamer monster Bugs Bunny used to tussle with on the mound.

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He acted like it too. He threw a bat at Mike Piazza during a damn game and then later claimed he thought it was the ball.

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Because those things are so similar. Finally, how many times has this asshole thrown at dudes to “get them off the plate”? Right, it’s either that or he was tweaking on a speed, roids, yellow ones, purple stuff, Sunny D, HGH and ribs combo plate that’s had him looking to get a piece of a cat every time he took the bump. But the media likes Roger, so it’s all good. Just like they liked Big Mac, so that was all good. Total bullshit, all of it.

Rant over.

– Lake

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