Drug Smuggling Gone Wrong

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I’m sure there are thousands of great drug smuggling stories out there. We’ve got the basics, hiding some yayo in a few crates full of virgin mary statues a la Lost. Get a human pack mule to swallow balloons and hope they don’t die on the way over. You can drop it in the false bottom of your Ron Mexico commemorative water bottle. This kid really took it to the next level with this scheme.

This dude custom melted and formed a box full of weed filled candles and tried to cross the border with the box in his trunk. Check out my man’s handywork.

weed-candles.jpg

You gotta love the commitment. My man broke out the decorations on the jar, wrapped them all up in cellophane, cute little bows on the top, everything. Not to mention whatever he had to do to hide the weed inside the candles. You know this dude wasn’t your everyday gangster.
The drug sniffing dogs caught up with him and figured out there was weed somewhere in the trunk. Here’s the crazy thing though. That box up there? Only six candles, right? Dude had thirty pounds of weed hidden in the candles. Now I can’t eyeball weed to know what 30 pounds looks like, but those candles don’t look that big. Was he planning on lighting the candles and just getting your atmosphere high on?

I feel like for all that work, he should have at least gone Nate Newton on ’em and tried to move a couple hundred pounds. In fact, UvT got in touch with Nate for a quick interview.

Brock: “Nate, back in 2001 you were busted for trying to traffic 250 pounds of weed in the back of a van. What was the plan?”

Nate: “I needed to get my smoke on dog. I’m a big boy.”

Brock: “Now according to my records you were busted again later that month with another 175 pounds of weed in the same van. What the hell were you thinking?”

Nate: ” I thought I had it all planned out. Lightning never strikes twice. That’s some bullshit by the way.”

Brock: “Listen here Nate. Some kid just got caught smuggling weed inside of candles. What do you think of that plan?”

nate-newton.jpg

Brock: “Nate? Hey big fella. Hello? I guess you don’t like the plan. How about this. How would you feel if you had thirty pounds of weed right now?”

Nate: “Man, that would be great. Weed. Snacks. You know that’s how I get down.”

Brock: “Snacks? Whatever makes you happy man. Thanks Nate. I guess”

One of our interns caught Nate after the interview and saw this.

newton-munchies.jpg

Damn, I guess Nate doesn’t play when he gets the munchies. Are those some damn E.L. Fudge cookies?

-Brock

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One Response to “Drug Smuggling Gone Wrong”

  1. We drink the wine Says:

    This is pretty funny stuff. That picture of Nate looking at the Cheeto is more than classic. Nice.

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