Balco T and Heels sit atop both polls

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The North Carolina Tarheels moved up to No. 1 and former No. 1 UCLA fell to No. 8 in the latest ESPN/USA Today coaches’ poll, released Monday. In addition, North Carolina remained No. 1 in The Associated Press poll. Not bad for the boys in baby blue. After Carolina took the top spot in both polls, Tyler Hansbrough aka Balco T was ecstatic.

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I know what you’re saying, but Lakey, he doesn’t look so happy. Well, that’s Tyler’s happy face. If you haven’t ever watched the dude, he’s a pretty weird cat with a chemical imbalance I haven’t seen in the ACC since Tim Duncan was getting his robotic big fundamental on in the late 90s.

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I pretty much thought the dude was a freaking cyborg or something like Bishop from Aliens. And just like Ripley, I don’t trust this big mufucka. Why not? It’s simple.

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Tyler is either a really weird cat or he’s really peaking and tweaking on the best and brightest steroids they can find out there in Missouri where he’s from (clearly he’s not getting his stash from UNC, they just got the cotton gin last month thanks to a time capsule they stumbled upon).

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Check out their English Lit Department.

I know, I know, it’s a great school and just as academically competitive as Duke. Riiight. haaa Look, I’ll admit, if Duke had majors in Hog tying, muskrat cookin,’ food shootin,’ Git’n her dun, Nascar, racism and tabaccy spittin’ as the Tarheels do — UNC at Chapel Hill would be a darn tootin tough school to beat. But since we don’t, I don’t think we want to be comparing the two schools academically, ok?

At any rate, somebody get Tyler Hansbrough a steroids test, tanning lotion and some clippers because I’ve pretty much had enough of what I’ve seen. Hell, this cat looks and acts like College Basketball’s version of Ivan Drago….”I play for me!!!”

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Until then or until he can show me he’s a normal dude with normal emotions and advanced language skills, he’ll be known as Balco T around these parts, ya dig?

– Lake

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