Archive for November, 2007

Not sure why I’m posting this

November 27, 2007

I don’t know. I guess it’s kind of interesting. I can’t decide if this cat deserves a one day contract with Timbaland, Scott Storch or the Neptunes or just a stiff ass whooping… It’s definitely one or the other.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I don’t like Bohemian hip hop (anymore), so why am I posting this? I don’t know. Maybe he’ll do a “Wipe me down Concerto Remix.” Then and only then will I be at peace with this video.

– Lake

Is Beyonce Knowles UvT Quality?

November 26, 2007

Lake ran down a list of bad chicks last week and Beyonce caused a little controversy. Is she tight all the time? Is she one Popeye’s two piece away? We’ve seen her momma, so we know what the future holds as soon as Beyonce stops dancing all the time. She clearly knows what gear works for her and knows her best angles, so you can’t hate on the girl too much. You gotta work what you’ve got. Let’s take a look.

Let’s start with old school, young Beyonce.

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This is the slimmed out version, before she was really rocking those thighs. Man this was back when I didn’t even know if Beyonce was the baddest chick in the group. I didn’t want to give her too much credit for being the light skinned chick. I was a Latoya Luckett man myself.

Beyonce must have known something was up too, because she kicked those chicks up out the group and replaced her with Michelle, who looks like someone’s moms if you catch her at the wrong angle. She kicked Farrah out after just a few weeks too. She must have seen thiscoming. Beyonce cemented her status as the “cute one” with that move.

She then went solo and started hitting cats with this:

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She knows shes got the thickness covered, and rocking the semi-see through top really killed it. The back arch always adds a few points too.

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She even figured out a way to keep it tight from the front. I know the stomach isn’t that tight, but she greased it down and propped up the j’s. Her thighs are always killer so they are a given.

Once she went solo, she really started killing em. Beyonce figured out that she needed to go Tina Turner on em. Here is the money shot.

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Man, when you can see the tail piece from the front, you really know you are working with something. Kelly Rowland can pop it from any angle she wants and never achieve these results. She is really giving it you cats with her eyes too. Jay-Z knows what he’s doing. From classy to nasty, I think Beyonce has it down. I just feel bad for her little sister.

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It’s gotta suck always being the Ron Harper to Beyonce’s Michael Jordan.

-Brock

=============================

Yung Brock, great blog entry. To me, this kind of hard-hitting reporting is exactly why I got into this business. Yo, I’ve pondered this question many times myself. Not so much in the form of “Is Beyonce’ UvT quality?” (she is), but more like “Is she really thick?” or a just a slimmed down big girl with a dietitian, chef, personal Billy Blanks and Balco (or it’s equivalent) frequent shopper card in her pocket. I’m still not totally sure. It all started with that “Crazy in Love” video with the “ut oh, ut oh, ut oh” rump shaker dance she rocked and the outfit she had with it. In fact, let’s go ahead and rock that now.

(Is it me or are youtube videos getting worse and worse on quality?)

You can see the bend in the back, but then it doesn’t necessarily continue to explode through the tailpiece like you want it to. Make no mistake, a killer body will do both (see Melyssa Ford who has the back hook and the crazy arse). At any rate, I pretty much came to the conclusion that “B” was essentially that hard body chick with the extra layer of thick laid up on top given that she’s a natural big girl who really should, no check that WOULD, be carrying another 35 pounds if she wasn’t in entertainment. That was until I saw that “ass so fat you can see it from the front” (this is probably the ONLY time you’ll ever see my quote Mos Def) picture Brock just posted. To me, that’s irrefutable evidence that there is gold in them hills. I can’t lie. “B” is a dope chick and yes, Solonge is the Roger Clinton to her Bill. It’s bizzaro Kanye cuz they made that girl “Softer, lower, slower, weakeeeeer”. Is it me or does that chick have permanent braces in her grille piece? I don’t know, it’s just the way those lips lay. It aint right.

– Lake

Should Taylor King get more time?

November 26, 2007

I read that every single Duke game would be televised this year but I guess not since that Eastern Kentucky v. Duke game was nowhere to be found last night. At any rate, I was happy to peep the box score and see that Taylor King went out there and got his a little bit as Duke smashed Eastern Kentucky 78-43.

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HOME TEAM: Duke 6-0
                          TOT-FG  3-PT         REBOUNDS
## Player Name            FG-FGA FG-FGA FT-FTA OF DE TOT PF  TP  A TO BLK S MIN
12 Kyle Singler         f  2-4    0-1    3-4    1  4  5   1   7  1  1  2  0  20
42 Lance Thomas         f  2-2    0-0    3-6    2  3  5   2   7  1  3  0  0  19
03 Greg Paulus          g  1-2    1-1    0-0    0  1  1   3   3  2  3  0  2  19
15 Gerald Henderson     g  4-8    1-3    1-2    1  2  3   1  10  4  5  0  0  17
21 DeMarcus Nelson      g  5-9    1-4    1-2    1  3  4   1  12  0  1  1  2  30
02 Nolan Smith             0-2    0-2    1-2    0  0  0   1   1  2  1  0  2  20
05 Martynas Pocius         0-2    0-1    0-0    2  0  2   0   0  1  0  0  0   3
14 David McClure           0-0    0-0    0-2    1  1  2   0   0  1  0  0  0   7
20 Taylor King             9-14   6-11   3-4    0  3  3   1  27  2  0  0  3  21
30 Jon Scheyer             2-3    2-3    3-3    0  1  1   0   9  3  2  0  1  29
41 Jordan Davidson         0-0    0-0    0-0    0  0  0   1   0  0  0  0  0   3
55 Brian Zoubek            1-1    0-0    0-1    0  0  0   4   2  0  4  0  1  12
   TEAM                                         2  1  3
   Totals                 26-47  11-26  15-26  10 19 29  15  78 17 20  3 11 200

TOTAL FG% 1st Half: 12-23 52.2%   2nd Half: 14-24 58.3%   Game: 55.3%  DEADB
3-Pt. FG% 1st Half:  6-15 40.0%   2nd Half:  5-11 45.5%   Game: 42.3%   REBS
F Throw % 1st Half:  4-8  50.0%   2nd Half: 11-18 61.1%   Game: 57.7%   4,1

He lead all scorers with 27 points coming off the bench in 21 minutes of play going 9-14 from the field and 6-11 from 3. Again, the one thing I love about this dude is that if he’s on the floor, he’s shooting.

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There’s no uncertainty or worrying about taking too many shots. This cat knows he’s out there to shoot the rock and shoot it he does. JJ Redick had the same mentality and you just got to love it on this kid, especially since he’s a solid 6 foot 7 inches tall. Clearly we’re loaded at the wing, so this isn’t the best squad for TK to show what he can do and there are definitely some questions about his defense and athleticism, but I like it when, at a minimum, a player scores the ball when he’s supposed to.

I grow tired of these cats who need to get hot to make things happen out there. Taylor stays hot and gives Duke something a bit different than the rest of our wing players. So I ask you, should Taylor get more burn this year once the competition picks up? I think he should at least be given a chance. This dude has big impact ability with that three ball. I also like that ‘special skill’ flow since at times our offense looks a bit lacking in the know your roles department. I’ll tell you this, if he does get some more tick, he’s going to have to upgrade his pimp gear…

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That black on black crime isn’t working and those fisher price, my first dress shoes kicks he’s rocking, terrible. Somebody get this dude some hush money and a magic shoe kit or something! Ha Just playing (sort of)… at least I didn’t talk about that kinte cloth, Maryland Terp alternate jersey looking tie piece. It may not be a raspbery beret, but it’s definitely the kind you find at a second hand store. Out.

Go Duke.

– Lake

UvT Bowl 2: Lake n Bake

November 26, 2007
And the winner is Lake…my man. SPEECH
First of all I want to thank Brock,
he’s got a good squad
still Lake got it locked…Yeeeeeaaaah

LOL

Hey, my main man Brock put up a good fight, but Lake’s boys went ahead and put him away after the Eagles gave Tom Brady (Brock’s QB) and the Pats all they wanted and more Sunday night.

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We came out with a good game plan, executed our plays and came away with the victory. Now, I can’t talk too much shat, because Brock has a better record than me and he’s scored more overall points than me in our Fantasy League. With that being said, it’s a boarder skirmish I’m quite sure Mr. Hardon would have liked to have won. And let’s not forget, that’s the second time Lake’s boys put that thang on Brock’s team in one year. 😉

Alas, he could not pull it out and Lake takes home the UvT trophy which is a bronzed, life sized cast of Kim Kardashian’s ass piece for my mantle.

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I’ll take it.

– Lake

Woman Coughs up a Giant Hairball

November 26, 2007

I generally don’t like to disgust people, but this was one of the biggest WTF moments I’ve ever had.  Apparently some 18 year old chick coughed up the giant hairball pictured below.

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That’s a 10 pounder right there.  Old girl had a habit of eating her hair, and at some point it stopped passing through her system.  It backed up to the point where she had constant stomach pain and had lost 40 pounds.  That thing is 15 inches long and 7 inches wide and deep.  How was there even that much space in this chicks stomach?

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The really crazy thing, is thinking about how much hair she had to lose or pull out to get to this point, I mean I know rastas that don’t have that much hair on their head.  Did she harvest it from friends?  Is she the only person in the world that is happy when she sees a hair in her food?  Was she licking cats?

Apparently she has recovered after the surgery, but after this, I’m expecting chicks to start eating hair as the new weight-loss technique.  Wig watchers, Weavy Craig.  They should be cropping up any minute now.

-Brock

Who the Hell is Frank Caliendo?

November 24, 2007

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I mean dammit, is there a channel on television that I can watch that actually won’t show an ad for Frank TV?  Does anyone actually watch anything other than Atlanta Braves games, Seinfeld and Friends reruns on TBS?  I know, I know he does the impressions of Fox Pregame, he was on Mad TV.  He does a great Madden and a decent Bush but how long is that going to last?  His Al Pacino looks crazy and isn’t that good.  He’s going to end up digging pretty deep into the bag of tricks to keep that ball rolling.  Is this show even on yet?

He actually does a decent Jim Rome.

What’s the over/under on how many shows this thing runs?  On any other network I’d put it at about a 4, but with it on TBS, he’s going to get some extra rope.  I’ll set it at 8.

-Brock

Shaunie ‘$30 Mil’ O’Neal to the World: “Big Stacks, my pockets on Creatine”

November 23, 2007

The soon to be Mrs. O’Neal has plenty to be thankful for this year.

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Shaunie O’Neal’s purported assets were revealed as a result of a court filing on Wednesday. And what did little mama claim she had? After merely five years of marriage and seemingly 5-18 kids she says she’s got:

  • $450,000 in cash and stocks as assets.
  • The couple’s $25 million Star Island home in Miami Beach
  • An L.A. Condo
  • A $3.95 million home in Orlando An additional Condo in Miami
  • Several businesses valued at $250,000
  • Liberty Grill, a Los Angeles eatery valued at $250,000

For the rest of this post, just envision Kanye’s “Gold Digger” playing. Ahem, anyway, she’s supposed to have $30 million in total assets.

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I know big fella, I know. I guess there is a reason to allow a real life sasquatch to bang you out and endure the birth of pound infants for the better part of 7 years (they had a few before they got married). Forget the $30 mil, Shaunie deserves a Purple Heart for letting this dude murk.

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Scary.

Oh but she got hers and that’s before the divorce goes through. Now I read that Shaq had an airtight prenuptial agreement per Eddie Murphy and Kanye West’s advice.

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If that’s so, how in the hell could Shaunie claim that $25 million crib on Star Island as her own? That can’t be right. At best she gets half of that joint, which is still a good pay day for a baby maker who is allegedly getting her body “back in shape” by getting hammered by her Cuban trainer. How many pesos does $30 make? How many times did she use that other Miami condo, the one Shaq reportedly didn’t know about, to get her “Livin La Vida Loca” on with ole Telemundo?

Men, don’t let your women go out to dance that Salsa alone and if you’ve got Shaq stacks, just go ahead and put a private investigator on your wife at all times.

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I would say Shaq is getting screwed, but when you consider how Strahan took it up the arse, got his shit sold out in front of his mansion and then was accused of being gay by his wife, $30 million is getting off easy for the Big Aristotle…

– Lake

I’m dreaming of a whiiiiiite Thanksgiving….

November 22, 2007

“Just like the ones, she used to blow.”

Some of us enjoy some Turkey, some ham… hell, you get your Mac n Cheese on. A little stuffing rounds it out nicely, oh and the cranberry sauce, you gotta go with that, right? Well, not if you’re Amy Winehouse. Now let me preface this by saying we never talk Amy Winehouse on this blog. I’ve never really talked to Mr. Hardon as to why that is, but I guess it’s just because the babe is just ugly and not very interesting.

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Sure, she’s got a nice voice and she did rock that “Rehab” song, but she’s got the concave tail, the bullshit hair piece, terrible skin, no chest, no breast, no meat, no lovers.. just nothing I want to hear from, see or talk about. But I’ve gotta admit, I’m becoming a bigger fan of her’s now. Not because of her music, oh hells no.. It’s because she was photographed, in public mind you, with the White Horse all up in that Toucan Sam Beak she calls a nose. Peep it.

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Cocaine is a hell of a drug – Rick James

Lord Jesus!!! That is awesome!! Why so glum, though? Yo, let me ask yall a serious question. If your hair was a mess, you had some dish rag tying it back, then you had fangs for teeth, a flamingo beak for a nose and my 3rd grade version of the Run DMC rope chain around your neck would you take the time to apply a respectable amount of make-up?

Boy, let me tell you, that Bolivan marching powder must be some real powerful shit.

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(I can only assume this is a post and pre booger sugar pictorial)

I’ve never tried it, but I’m beginning to consider giving myself a toot for Christmas maybe? It’s either that or HGH — that many people can’t be wrong, right?

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How about this, Amy needs a new song. “Trying tell go to rehab, I say, Yes, Yes, Yes….”

– Lake

Kim Kardashian Going to Jail!

November 22, 2007

For trying to smuggle two hams out a store in LA.

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I think she might have some stuffing in there too.

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Awww, isn’t that cute? It’s almost like she’s adjusting a video camera for her sex tape. It seems so nostalgic. Like a throwback pose.

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Happy Thanksgiving, save the big piece of Turkey for me.

-Brock

Ok, so Nick Saban misspoke, enough already

November 21, 2007

I don’t think Nick Saban should have said that he’s “not going to be the coach of Alabama” and then go and take the job at Alabama.

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He shouldn’t be such an arrogant f*ck and blame his players for losing to Louisiana Monroe.

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And finally, clearly he shouldn’t have equated 9/11 to the state of his rock bottom college football team.

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All that is fine. But let me tell you something. He shouldn’t have said it, but it’s not the end of the world either. It’s not THAT bad. He tried to make a point and he missed the mark. He put his foot in his mouth and then ran behind a spokesperson from Alabama (they got those down there? Git ‘er dun!!!!).  But I’m tired of people acting like just because this dude is the coach of a damn football team that he’s suddenly disrespected all the victims of 9/11 or all the men and women in service in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. You know who disrespects all those people, your president Dubyah. His blundering, falling asleep at the wheel, puppet administration is a complete and utter disgrace, but you don’t hear people call him out. No, they’d rather complain about NICK SABAN the football coach at Alabama!!!

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Whatever…. And ‘Bama, you guys bought this guy, took him under shady circumstances, and either knew or should have known that he’s a know-it-all, self-important ass of the highest order. That says more about you than it does Nick. Ok? Enjoy that 6-6 record.

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Geaux Tigers.

-Lake