Hingis retires from Tennis amid nose candy and white horse controversy


Martina Hingis was a special talent when she broke onto the Women’s Tennis scene in 1995 after great success in the junior ranks.


So why would she throw all that away to ride the white horse, sniff that Lindsay Lo-Han, toot the nose candy, roll with the Bolivian Marching Powder, dance with the white lady, get chalked up with the California Cornflakes, caminar con el diablo, puff with the white dragon, sing with that sweet Christina Aguilera — I mean why would you do that? We may never know why, but what we do know is that she just tested positive for Cocaine and promptly retired. Nice.


And now she’s saying that she’s never done coke. Hmmm, you’ve never done it, though you tested positive for it. Don’t you hate when that happens? And what about your plans to suddenly retire? I know, she’s just retiring, at age 27 mind you, because her body is breaking down not because she’s tested positive for an illegal narcotic.


I’m not exactly sure, but I don’t think Tony’s buying that story.


Anyway, let’s take this time to remember the Czech -Hungarian born tennis player turned “Swiss Miss”. One thing is for sure, the babe was colorful and occasionally, from the right angle, reasonably attractive.


Not only that, wasn’t just a hype tennis star and cocaine addict, she was nasty and would run smack with the best of them too:

  • Referring obliquely to Amelie Mauresmo’s lesbianism on the eve of their 1999 Australian Open final, Hingis told reporters, “She’s here with her girlfriend. She’s half a man already.”
  • When asked in the late 1990s how she felt about the budding rivalry between herself and the then-up-and-coming Anna Kournikova, Hingis responded, “What rivalry? I win all the matches.”
  • After the Williams sisters had complained of discrimination against them, Hingis told Time Magazine in 2001: “Being black only helps them. Many times they get sponsors because they are black. And they have had a lot of advantages because they can always say, ‘It’s racism.’ They can always come back and say, ‘Because we are this color, things happen.'” In the U.S., this comment garnered considerable attention, although elsewhere her comment was mostly greeted with indifference. What a biiatch.
  • At the peak of the Williams sisters and Hingis’ competitive and fierce rivalry, Hingis stated in a press conference during the 1999 US Open referring to the sisters’ remarks, “They always have big mouths. They always talk a lot. It’s happened before, so it’s gonna happen again. I don’t really worry about that.”
  • On the long-dominant German player, Steffi Graf, Hingis said, “Steffi has had some results in the past, but it’s a faster, more athletic game now than when she played. She is old now. Her time has passed.” (Hingis made this comment in 1998 while Graf was on an injury-related hiatus from tennis.)
  • Responding in a 1999 press conference on why she terminated her doubles partnership with former Wimbledon champion Jana Novotna, Hingis remarked, “She’s old and slow.”
  • During her acceptance speech at the 1997 Australian Open women’s singles final, the winner, Hingis, referred to her win in doubles the previous day and said, “I always love to come here to Australia and it’s a great win for me and I will like to come back and win another title. Yesterday, I already won in my doubles so, next time I’ll have to play mixed doubles so, maybe I’m going to win that too. But I also need to give someone else a chance to win an event.”

At any rate, we at UvT wish Ms. Hingis well. We’re not sure what she’ll do with all that money and all this extra time she’ll have, but such is life. We are waiting on that raunchy men’s magazine pictorial that is certain to come soon after this white horse incident dies down.

– Lake


My favorite nickname for cocaine has always been “booger sugar”.


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3 Responses to “Hingis retires from Tennis amid nose candy and white horse controversy”

  1. Rosy Says:

    Cocaine is a heck of a drug. Thankfully for most young rich privileged peeps out there, they don’t have to submit to drug testing since they don’t work for their money. Thanks, Lake for reminding me that Hingis is a Queen B and I should not feel bad for her.

  2. Clay in Buffalo Says:

    Hingis is definitely a super bitch. I’m glad to see her finally get shut up. She will not be missed. And the Williams sisters have kicked her ass both on the court and in endorsements. She’s a Euro trash idiot.

  3. Chris Sporting Says:

    Cha-ching, the ITF wrang her up today and banned her.

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