Bizarre Ride From The Far Side…of Texas!

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Now we all know it is dangerous to pick up hitchhikers, but down in Texas, it isn’t even safe to be a hitchhiker. So here’s how it went down. James Wayne Evans was looking for a ride on the side of the road in some backwoods Texas town when a friendly face felt his plight and stopped to pick him up.

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But this ride came with strings attached. I guess the driver, Angie, wanted a little something in return. She drove ol’ Jimmy Wayne back to her horse barn (literally) and let him know that she needed a little intimacy head in return. Well getting your freak on must be the currency of the road because the hitcher not only knew that he’d have to make the old penis payment, he also had preset limits. You know, he’s got principals.

So Angie and James start to get loose when Angie asks for oral sex. He agrees (where the hell was that line drawn anyway?) and gets ready to pay for his ride. I guess Angie was packing more than he bargained for because he found out that Angie’s feet weren’t big because she worked on a farm and that extra bass in her voice wasn’t a sultry smokers purr. Angie was a dude.

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Even Wesley Snipes knows that ain’t right.

So a surprised Jimmy stabs the dude on his way out the door. An-Gerald calls the police (she had been stabbed) and the police arrest Jimmy…not Angie. And the cops go on to say, you can’t just pick up a hitchhiker these days, no one in their right mind would put themselves in this kind of danger. What?!?! James was fine right up until Angie hit him with the old Crying Game. James would have taken his ride, given his ride (seriously, where was that line? We know it is shy of homosexual sword fighting, but how many truck drivin’, horse barn having, strong chinned good Samaritans had ol’ boy banged out to make his way across Texas?)

This raises all sorts of questions:

Did Angie think this was going to work? It seems like if you are a cross dressing dude driving through the ultimate red state you might want to get your expectations out there early. Are there really people who can get so worked up that when they encounter dack instead of lovely lady lumps they say “f’ it, I’m here, I might as well get some”. I’m thinking (hoping) not.

Is there some version of entrapment that can send Angie’s ass to jail too? I mean damn, that ain’t right.

Unless you are in Brazil, the land of the pretty tranny, and I don’t think bodunk, Texas, is going to hold up to the same standard, James has to know this was a dude. I mean seriously.

Shouldn’t James get off for self defense? I mean Angie tried to stab him with a sharp object. *shudder*

How the hell did the cops get this story out? I mean they had to be cracking up behind the two way glass as this was coming out.

-Brock

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