Survivor: China – Lawd, Help Leslie

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Check out our UPDATE of the Survivor: China Finale HERE. 

Week three and the water ban is still on. Sure, the reward challenge saw people falling in water, but that barely counts. Anyway, let’s call this the “whoops” episode of Survivor.

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The first whoops, Jean-Robert and James getting caught in male “perv” mode talking about “the only thing better than a million dollars is a million dollars and some ass“. Nice fellas, not only that, but they were talking about Courtney the 70 pound (I thought they were joking at first until I saw her try to chop through those ropes, but she may actually weigh about 70 pounds.)

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I mean she didn’t have much spare weight to work through on this show, if she made it the full 39 days they might mistake her for one of the torches they are supposed to burn during the always terrible and ridiculous ‘fallen comrades’ walk at the end of the show. Coming this season…”Ahhhh Chicken…he really…liked, Chickens” Yeah, that is what you get when you ask people to talk about someone they met for three days over a month ago.

The second oops was Courtney swinging on that rope for what looked like about 15 minutes. I mean she was swinging that machete about as hard as Twan from Men on Film swung on Blaine when he told him to shut up. Who chose that chick to bat lead-off in that challenge. Fei Long lost that one in the planning phase. No wonder they sit her out every chance they get.

Still not much being telegraphed this season. I don’t know if there isn’t much strategy talk yet, or the producers are holding back, but there aren’t any power alliances being telegraphed yet. So let’s talk about the general themes of Survivor to try to figure out who will be the Sole Survivor in China.

1. The tricky editing technique: This is where the producers know they don’t really need to tell your story until the moment before you get kicked out. If your character starts to get put together early, like Chicken did early in episode one, and Ashley did in episode two you might be about ready to go.

With that philosophy in mind, the winner of Survivor: China is…Denise!

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Seriously, is this chick a mute? Sure, she tried to represent in the wrasslin’ challenge. But I don’t think she was shown saying a word the entire time. Not even a grunt of effort as she flung the literal lightweights off that platform. On the real, say what you want about Denise, but she isn’t out of sync with the majority when the vote comes down. Someone is letting her know which way the wind is blowing. She is also the perfect pawn, she can’t win with no personality to play the social game, I’m going to have to guess she is loyal as hell and she can’t sell out your alliance because she literally doesn’t speak. Perfect to take to the final two or three.

2. Personality: They are going to try to ride their personality guys to the end. So far Crazy Dave is making a decent play for this role on Zhan Hu with his nekkid wrestling (yeah, that’s gay, Mr. Ex-model. I don’t care what your “they won’t want to touch me” strategy is. Besides, no man who values his junk would risk getting the little man scraped up) The other person is “crafty Todd” from Fei Long. He is definitely trying to get his puppetmaster on, but it is only a matter of time before people start comparing notes and start realizing that he is playing both sides. Besides, the person who “loves the game” and “studies Survivor” tends to get picked off right before the merge.

3. The plucky lady: Here is where I think the winner is coming from. Peih-Gee and Sherea are both playing great games. They are strong in challenges, are thinking about the game strategically, and seem to be able to make friends. This means they are strong enough not to be picked off before the merge, but solid enough to pick up in individual challenge or two in the end game and actually get some votes at the end. Watch these ladies.

Quick thoughts:

Awwww, my man James is rocking the forced baldy. Defined as a dude who goes bald because he has to. You can stay smooth if you can get your hands on a razor every two days, nobody has to know. But James has been in the jungle for nine days now and he is sporting the full ring and patch combo. He will be looking like a full on George Jefferson if he makes it much further. If he gets to the final four, he may have a solid black business fro going. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to use the machete to maintain his swagger.

I’m going to have to stop making fun of Frosti. The kid seems to be a beast. I don’t know if he can make it to the end, but he is strong without being threatening. He goes hard, I can’t hate.

Is Amanda hot? I can’t really tell. She seems like she is supposed to be the hot chick, but something isn’t quite there. Overall she seems athletic, and those red draws are about right…I don’t know. Peih-Gee is looking pretty good to me too, braless Jamie is decent. Sherea is growing on me too. She has something about her…she may be packing something extra, but she knows and is comfortable with it.

What was with the action editing on the immunity challenge? You know, the kung fu flick action shot as they swung the machete. I guess after 15 seasons, you get bored and have to step it up, huh?

So Leslie, the non religious christian radio host gets voted off. She was a hypocrite anyway. See ya!

-Brock

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Finally, the Lake, has come back, to yoooooou veee teeeee-

Yo, this is a good rundown of the real game. Let me just add a few items. First off, if we’re sitting here trying to decide who is hotter, PG, Amanda, Courtney or Sherea….Sharea?! then we’ve got a serious problem with casting. Like take Parvati from Survivor: Cook Islands for instance.

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We just knew she was fine, the only question was whether you’d get the right angle to see it each episode. If there is a debate about whether a Survivor chick is fine, she aint. They lay around in next to nothing all day. Mother nature don’t lie. We’re talking bare essentials and sure, everyone shows up to the finale show with liquid foundation, lipstick and rouge cooked onto their grille pieces, but that aint good enough. I will say, however, that I did see latent traces of thickness in Sherea when she was running on that dock with nothing on but some draws and a bra top…ha. I guess she’s losing some of those extra LBs, only to reveal her true essence. Rumor has it she was an old school freak in her days down at Florida A&M with a few cats I know. So I like her even more.

And player, you can talk what you want about Lake the Cake Don Dada, but if you gone do that, you should at least mention Leslie in your Survivor recap (after all, she is in the title of the post), it’s not like there isn’t much to say. 1. She was an ex ho, druggie and wild child turned Jesus freak (hmm, Freak to Jesus Freak, that should be a self help book title) and 2. She was a Christian talk show radio host who said, “I’m not religious,” and then refused to take part in a welcoming ceremony solely because those who were welcoming her to their country weren’t the same religion that she was. Plenty to talk about there player, but I feel you…

-Lake

One Response to “Survivor: China – Lawd, Help Leslie”

  1. Survivor: Bring back the hotties « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] ring like UvT, but there is definitely going to be an Us Versus Them element this year. After Survivor: China having a severe hottie shortage, Survivor: Micronesia – Fans versus Favorites is coming on February 9th, and they are bringing the […]

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