VMAs roundup: It’s Britney B*tch!

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I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting old (ok, I know I am), but the VMAs was a disappointment for me this year.

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First off, let me say that whoever had the idea to have it in Vegas at one hotel where you can rock multiple parties at once, GENIUS. That was hot and good luck to anyone who is trying to get into that party next year. That’s one ticket I wish I had. Second, Timbaland rocking the music for the entire production was really hot. It really took that aspect of the show to the next level, unfortunately, half the performances were never seen or were heard as they went to commercial. Hell, the jam sessions in the suites seemed better than all the main stage shows. As I was watching all these cats, I got a rejuvenated appreciation for Diddy and his show from back in the day when he rocked that “Pass the Courvoisier” extravaganza with Busta Rhymes and Pharrell. At any rate, the joint was eventful, so I’ll just hit the high and low-lights for my peoples.

1. “It’s Britney Bitch”

Wow, what can I say about this performance? It sure wasn’t that old Britney we all knew and loved.

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Hey, let me preface my comments by saying that I actually want Britney to succeed as I know my man Brock does. I have a soft spot for her being that she was a pioneer in the “thick white woman era“, something I hold near and dear to my heart. So let me start with the positive, her new song, “Gimme More” isn’t horrible. It’s actually passable.

With said her performance reminded me of something you’d see in a bad Canadian strip club (Niagara Falls, Montreal or Toronto, take your pick).

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(I did appreciate seeing this little greazy curly headed brother trying to get his K Fed on)

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Based on her dance moves, if I didn’t know better I’d tell you that Britney can’t dance. I mean, the babe was just robotic, off-beat, uninspiring and overall just terrible dude.

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(oh, that’s just not right)

And why did she have to come in buck eeerr butt naked? I know that’s her calling card, but we really didn’t need to see that. And while I know we’ve debated this point back in forth on this site, but Britney IS NOT BACK!!! That midsection is not in pre-K Fed form, and certainly not together enough to be rolled around the stage, showing that side view.

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I just wish I could have watched the show next to Simon Cowell, you know he must have simple said: “ghastly” when he saw that foolishness.

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Not a full on debacle, but that’s only because she had the good sense to fully lip-sync. She’s crazy, but she aint that crazy.

2. The Fight: Tommy Lee v. Kid Rock

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Hey, it was pretty hilarious if you ask me. Of course they didn’t actually show the fight, but as Pam Anderson, the ex-wife of both rockers, was presenting an award she kept telling Tommy Lee to “shut up”. LOL At any rate, Jamie Foxx came back after a break and started talking crazy about “who won the fight”. Then later I guess he dropped a white-on-white violence jab. Hilarious stuff.

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(this is Kid Rock before the VMAs last night, the cat is looking a little feral)

Well, apparently, Kid Rock didn’t like what he was hearing from young Thomas because the story goes, as told by Sway (the most annoying man in the world who claimed he “saw it all”), Kid Rock rolled up on Tommy and just “decked him” out of nowhere while Tommy was talking to Puff.. Hot.

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Not matter what, Tommy didn’t seem to mind. Look at his face after the incident as security was talking him out of there. When asked if he was hurt, Tommy reported replied, “Hell no, everybody knows I can’t feel my face”.. figures.

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I guess a bad lady like Pam Anderson, who can do the things I’ve seen err heard she’s done on her sex tape which is linked from HERE, will drive a man crazy.

3. Chris Brown getting his Charlie Chap/Michael Jackson on

Look, I won’t lie to you, I like Chris Brown. I think the dude either is crazy talented or he’s got some insane ghost writer (more likely both) and his current song Wall to Wall is hot. With that said, I wasn’t all that impressd with that performance. Again, I’ll borrow from Simon and say, predictable.

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(come on, this looks like a high school musical)

You just knew that Chris would do something theatrical, then try a thrice done tribute to some old entertainer (MJ), then finally try to stick the landing with his own flavor. Ok, dude’s got talent, but that Charlie Chaplin foolishness was not hype. The Michael Jackson moves are always cool, but we see that same show each and every year by every single R&B dancing fool in the business. And that pelvis pump with the tight grip up on the nizzuts? Awful.

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I mean, who knows, Genuwine, Usher, wild Timberlake, everybody does that foolishness. If you ask me, Chris Tucker is better than all of em doing the MJ.. but whatev.. Hey, Chris, here’s a novel idea, try SINGING during your performances for once. I’m tired of you lip syncing as you roll around on the ground, jump from pillar to post and gyrate all over the damn place. I want to actually hear you sing, for once, ok?

4. Alicia Keyes

I won’t spend much time on Keyes. Her voice was as impressive as ever. I just have to say, A. Stay at the piano, because you don’t move that well, B. Holler at one of those Hollywood diet/personal trainer combinations because it’s getting away from you around them hips, and C. stay off the weave, that 70’s throwback hairdo was not hot.

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And yes, all that extra lettuce up in there IS DEFINITELY weave, I don’t care how pretty her normal hair is..

5. Dr. Dre MUST BE on Steroids, HGH, Ephedra, and some wild wolf blood or something. Did yall see that cat underneath that XXL sweat top?

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My word, he literally looked like the Incredible Hulk. I guess homey got tired of hearing those threats from Suge Knight. I mean, look at what this cat looked like as a young man.

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Overall, Timbo made the joint fresh and new. I liked how Justin Timberlake made mention of the fact that MTV never shows videos anymore, hell, I barely knew half the nominees. Vegas was innovative, but I guess whatever lackluster feeling I’m having is the same one Kanye had when he said, “I ask, does anybody make real shit anymore?” I don’t know. Forget Hip Hop, music might be dead…

– Lake

3 Responses to “VMAs roundup: It’s Britney B*tch!”

  1. JAWK Says:

    Wheeew Boooyyyy! That was the best post on UvT yet. “Oh that’s just not right” in parentheses was classic. 10/10! Howling…..

  2. topfloor music Says:

    I think it’s only a matter of time before Britney runs over a photographer and kills ’em. What happened to that sweet old Britney we used to know and love?

  3. Edon Says:

    Does anyone know where can a Dr. Dre topless picture be found?

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