Archive for August, 2007

When hood is good…Keyshia Cole

August 28, 2007

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She may be completely hood and she really showed that she had issues on that reality show and after meeting her crazy ass sister and even crazier mom-dukes, I can see why, but something about Keisha Cole, it’s just feels right to a nilla. key4.jpg

Truth be told, there has never been a time when I didn’t enjoy a solid hood chick, that is, if she didn’t look hood worn. It’s interesting because that hard hood living doesn’t start showing on these chicks until they hit about age 19.. How many times did you see that chick from high school a few years later.. you know, the one who didn’t really do anything after school.. sure she was fine in high school with the ridiculous jeans, wild weave, terrible asymmetrical haircut and ridiculously stank attitude towards everyone EXCEPT that dude who was hittin.. Yeah, she kinda looked like this:

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Then you see her a few years later and she looks dis:

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Oh hail naaaw. Anyway, we approve of Keyshia Cole and all she’s about, so long as she doesn’t weird or wild out on us. She may be shamelessly channeling Mary, but let’s face it, Mary J never looked like this…

– Lake

Made in China? Watch yo ass…

August 28, 2007

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Damn China, I remember the good old days when America could get some good cheap toys, grade F dog food, and cheap clothes and sleep well at night. Now, we don’t know what the hell to do. First, you start killing dogs and cats with dysentery or some kind of BS in the food. Now there is that minor issue with lead paint (who the hell still uses that? Seriously, when were those toys made 1950?) in toys for kids, then we find out that every Dora, Elmo and Sesame Street toy shorter than 4 inches is leaded. Good thing you didn’t do it on the two most popular kids characters ever and in a size that kids wouldn’t put in their mouth. As*holes.

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By the way, I’ve got my eyes on those Olympics too. I’ve seen the smog in China. I hear you are going to simply shut down and tell everyone to stay home for 3 months. Ahhh, the beauty of Communism. You better hope the winds are blowing the other way during the three weeks of the Olympics, or some Croatian steeplechase runner is going to keel over with the damn iron lung. If you don’t clean it up, the official song of the Olympics is going to be Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday, maybe that kid is a modern day Nostradamus, predicting the future. That stadium looks hot though. I just hope that someone can actually see it when the time comes. Oh, and don’t count on Americans watching it on TV, no matter how many of those corny profiles Bob Costas does.

-Brock

Mike Vick sets stage for NFL return?

August 27, 2007

Michael Vick stood tall today and officially plead guilty to the Federal Dogfighting charges against him.

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Then he went to face the media. Mike was very contrite and seemed to be looking toward his future. He even dropped a little reference to Jesus. Nice work. At any rate, he said he needs to “grow up” and “I will be redeemed”. Let’s hope so. Oh, he also acknowledged lying to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Tough.

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Clearly a lot of people will complain about his characterization of his transgressions as “immaturity” after all, he’s a grown arse man. Anyway, anybody with half a mind will tell you everyone deserves a second chance. I suspect Vick will earn his after he’s paid his debt, established some random foundation and made the interview circuit. See ya in 2009 Mike.

Go Bills.

-Lake

Alberto Gonzales hits the bricks…

August 27, 2007

Another W flunky is out of the White House. First Rove, now young Al.

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Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally offered his resignation today, he’ll be leaving on September 17th (ohh, so soon?). I’ll kind of miss the guy. I know it just turned the Republican’s stomachs to have to take up for a Latino dude (I could stop the sentence right there) who was emblematic of the fact that the GOP can’t be trusted to do anything right in government except win elections. Wait, maybe I’m just being too hard on ole ‘Berto. So his horrible decisions with regard to torture, kidnapping and detainment were international scandals that embarrassed our nation and undermined our credibility for the foreseeable future. No biggie right? Hey, at least he didn’t breed and fight dogs (that we know of) then someone might actually have to do something about this dude.

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So he made a fool of himself in front of congress, acting as if he actually could not recall ANYTHING having to do with the fired US Attorneys. That was nothing. Sure, he compromised his integrity and made himself look like a damn idiot, like his boss actually is, when everybody knew better. I mean, if you couldn’t tell he was doing that for Bush and the rest of his flunkies, then you probably thought Jeremy was making the band last night. I know, I know, he “could not recall” just like that mental midget Ronald Regan couldn’t recall how he allowed the CIA to sell drugs in inner city LA so that they could fund the Contras in Nicaragua.

Nah, ole ‘Berto just debased himself for Dubyah and crew. I hope it was worth it. Actually, I know it was worth it. Alberto is about to get paid for showing his loyalty AND there’s no way he can get thrown in jail for his crimes because W will just pardon him.

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Warrantless wiretaps, reduced personal freedoms, and Bush just called him a hero. Go figure. Bush said it was a shame ole Al’s name got “dragged through the mud”.. Indeed it is a shame, but Al’s name got all f*cked up because of all the dirt YOU and that Dick, Cheney, did.

“You’re doing a heckuva job Brownie…” I’ll say it again, WORST PRESIDENT EVER… What a country.

– Lake

PS- I wonder if Jenna Bush’s business partner errr fiance Henry Hagar is up for Attorney General..  Why not, right?

Making the Band 4: Diddy makes the band in the Live Finale

August 27, 2007

CHECK OUT OUT NEW COVERAGE OF MAKING THE BAND 4, Season 2, Episode 1 right HERE.

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Alright folks, so he made the damn thing. First let’s run down who actually made the band.

1. Robert

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No shocker here. Robert is crazy talented and brings plenty to the table. Nobody with a shred of common sense has him out of the band, except perhaps his lady, June, who was conspicuously absent from the crowd during the show. I guess he took my advice and dropped her after seeing how crazy she made him look on the show.

2. Willie

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Again, pro forma, you just had to have Willie in this band. He’s got the talent, he’s a cool cat, he’s got the ladies love factor and he’s older (26 I believe), so he brings a level of maturity and professionalism that you need. I think this cat was a plant from jump since he’s written songs for Joe and other artists, but I’m good with it. You gotta like Willie.

3. Big Mike

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Ok, for all you Big Mike haters, especially those from the hoods of Boston, the people have spoken and Large Miguel is officially in the building. The funny thing is just how much juice this cat Mike has picked up from the show. He was clearly the most popular contestant tonight at the Live Finale. I also enjoyed how he addressed that chick who asked him about his weight loss. “Either way, large or small, Imma still be sexy baby”. Go ‘head Big Mike. I look forward to seeing you on part two of the MTB4.

4. Qwanell

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Ok, now we’re getting down to the meat of this whole thing. I can’t lie, I didn’t foresee Q Making this band. Sure there were references to him being the best dancer in the house. He was clearly a cool cat and no question he could sing. But I just didn’t think he represented that bad boy cat. Didn’t think he had enough base in that voice…. ya know, enough strength in those steps. Interestingly, though, when they showed some of the show outtakes, Q looked a little bit like one of the guys. Then when they did that slow version of “Exclusive” he really ripped his part, so I was thinking, “where was this Q all show long?” Well, clearly Diddy saw the ability in this cat. Anyway, he’s in the band and all of Rochester, NY is happy for him. Good sh*t.

5. Brian A.

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Ok, I was dead up surprised at this selection. I said in the past that the only way Brian A. could make that band was if they had 5 members. There’s no question that he was helped out when Puff announced that he was going take 5 guys. At any rate, D’Angelo has got to be pissed right about now. Brian A. dead up took his spot and honestly, I don’t really get it. Again, I think it’s a professional call. This cat Brian A. is older, married with a kid and really a level-headed, cool cat. If this band will have longevity, he’ll be a integral part of it. I’m good with this selection, but you got to wonder if D’Angelo or even Jeremy has more talent than Brian.

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Live Blog

Anyway, anyone who watched the Live Finale knows how random the show was. It’s kind of hard to blog about it because it was just all kind of jumbled together. Almost like they had never done this before, but I guess that’s what happens when things are live. I was doing a running tally of what was going on below. These comments were what was going through my head during the telecast:

10:18 PM: My lady asks me to turn on MTB4 Live Finale. She asked me as if I wasn’t aware it was coming on tonight. Doesn’t she know I keep at least a 30 minute tivo delay on all events so I can fast forward through the commercials? Women.

10:22 PM: Oh, lord! Sway, the biggest clown ever to grab an MTV microphone (yes, he’s worse than both Downtown Julie Brown AND Paulie Shore) is the host of this show. Jeez.. Now I must prepare myself for that ridiculous hat, his asinine commentary, gratuitous dack riding (even though you can tell Sway hates everyone he interviews) and terrible, corn-ball slang words and phrases. “Real talk” comes to mind. Sway is canned and terrible. Did I say I hate his hat?

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10:25 PM: Ok, dudes in tuxes, Puff gets introduced and then they introduced the “Dream Team”. Ok, Mike Bivins, B. Cox, Ankh Ra in a mock turtle neck, snap collar blazer piece, Slam and “the lovely choreographer Jamaica” are introduced.. Jamaica? Terrible, some of yall chicks need to know you can’t rock that high waist. Where is Laurie Ann?

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(this is literally a picture of LA at a party in NYC last month. Crazy)

And more importantly, who in the hell is Jamaica and why are they introducing a chick who literally never did a damn thing on the show? Maybe she’s Puff’s latest bangout. Moving on…

10:29 PM: Puff says he’s going to break them up into two groups for the “challenge”. I’m beginning to realize this format is not good TV. Maybe they should have hired the Flavor of Love producers to make this thing run smoothly. A Challenge? We here to figure out “who in the door” for Making the Band 4… this aint Survivor China (which quietly I’m hyped for). They’re going to have them both do the same song, GREAT. You mean the one song song you had? No, they’re signing a New Edition song…

10:35 PM: Ok, the first group is out there. Robert, Qwanell, Dyshon, Donnie and D’Angelo. Ok, this is cool. Donnie and Q sound better than I remember. Damn, Dyshon is off key, trying to steal juice like he did with that white jacket. Sorry bro, it aint gonna get you in this band… You got about as much of a chance making this band as I do and right now I’m sitting left couch, hand on my remote.

10:40 PM: The second group comes out to sing the same song – we’ve got Brian A., Jeremy, Brian H., Willie, and Big Mike. My impression is that Jeremy can sing.. but that first high note was a bit tart.. “then whyyyyy-EYE?” OK, he’s back on track. Fellas, it’s a good song, what’s with all the runs? Oh, Brian H was off key… LOL, What a cat. Willie was good a expected. Big Mike was hot, crowd loves him.

10:45 PM: Oh, time for a cut and damn. Yeah, let’s get out the damn hatchet. I don’t like the format of the show. Diddy cuts – Dyshon and says that he’s a better as a solo artist. “You’re going to see him, so don’t say awww..” Uh, no you will NOT be seeing Dyshon in the muisc buiness unless he’s boxing CDs in the stock room at Circuit City, ok? Sorry. Seems like a cool enough guy, but he wasn’t built for the band. Next.

10:48 PM: Back from commercial -oh, Dyshon’s parents are there for support. His pops looks like Twista, moms looks surprisingly decent for a mom-dukes.. Damn, all I can think is that she must have had him young because she looks like she’s 35 years old and Dyshon looks what, 30 errr 23?

10:50 PM: Awww, I’m all caught up on my tivo. Not that ballad version of “Exclusive” and why didn’t Puff know the name of the song?… My first thought is that this will be terrible. We’ll see. Music comes in and then the corn ball rhetoric starts. “Dis is for all da special ladies” … Ut ohhh Donnie on the piano.. Nice. Qwanell is actually selling it to me (no homo), this cat is looking like a star. Where was all this juice during the show? Robert never disappoints. No question this cat is hype. Nice to see Robert’s P fro as finally grown in right. Willie, solid as ever. Brian H honestly sounds solid, but I don’t like him, so I don’t want to hear that shit… Jeremey is predictably hot with the slow song. Has the great pure voice with the tone. He best belt it out, because it’s the last song he’ll ever sing on anyone’s tv is what I’m thinking… great talent, but he’s got the personality of bargain basement mannequin. As expected, Brian A. almost pops his vein in his forhead trying to sing too hard… Thank you young lady in the crowd for grabbing his hand and smoothing him out. Big Mike gets love…. Ok, now they’re all just singing too loud.. Where is the NYPD when you need them? Oh, here comes another cut.

10:40 PM: Diddy cuts – “Brian from Tallahassee, I mean from Jacksonville” everyone is thinking what I’m thinking, which one is that? Then the camera pans onto the terrible bean pole with his hand over his head like the woman he is.

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Perfect. Oh, yeah, Young Joc is going to be performing, What, “It’s going down again?” Oh hail naw, it’s some song off his new album.

10:45 PM: Ok, that was an easy cut. Diddy drops that same ole line, “we bought to make history” oh , here comes Danity Kane. Hmm… Shannon looking mighty cute in the shawt shorts as she walks by the camera. We may have to issue that thick white woman APB on her. “Don’t they look beautiful?” Diddy asks. Answer, yes.

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10:53 PM: Dawn talks about the process. Ok, she’s too serious with that Kanye what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger rhetoric. Thank goodness Brian H is gone. Oh, Aubrey says it “I don’t know how many times I had to change my hair color for this man..” OK, that’s not going to have settle down those rumors that you were getting cut up by Puff love. I know you don’t care, those rumors make you relevant.

10:55 PM: D Woods looks like someone’s mom and now is talking like one. So much for her magazine spreads and video shoots, I guess the airbrush can make anyone look tight.

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She said “don’t hold anything back..” hmmm, I Don’t like this. Oh young Joc’s album is in store on Tuesday, I’ll be certain NOT to buy. Sorry, but you gotta earn my free download, so you know a cat has to get the Lakey Lifetime Achievement Award in order for me to actually buy their disc.

11:00 PM: Live tv sucks.. My lady wants to watch the “Slowsky” commercial, you know those turtles who want their internet to run slower?

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Ok, that’s only funny if you have Comcast.. alright, it’s not funny even if you do. I’m just pissed that I’m about to be live, I thought this was an hour long show. Young Joc is worthless to me. “Coffee shop” -the beat is actually decent. I always just wonder who that dude is in the back who does nothing but say “shop” “uhn”… “heeeey”… I’m not really feeling this. Oh look, another middle aged cat, he must be talented because he sure doesn’t have “the look”..Oh ok, it’s Gorrilla Zoe. You gotta have talent to get on stage looking like that.

11:06 PM: Oh, that’s funny, I’ve got closed captioning on and it just said “when we come back, Diddy will be “pimping the band””.. who are these people they get to closed caption and haven’t the members of our deaf community suffered enough already? I keep closed captioning on a lot, these people are horrible at actually doing their job.

11:10 PM: Diddy gets ready to pick the band. Sway, the one trick pony, again tells Diddy that he doesn’t envy him, even though he does but just for other reasons. Terrible. Sway is a necessary evil I guess. If I never saw him, that head, that hair or those wraps/hats again, I think I’d be just about satisfied with how my life turned out.

11:13 PM: Ok, now what in the hell is Puff doing with this nonsense of step up and step back. This is horrible. Now all of yall step back…. AAAAHNNT.

11:16 PM: Diddy announces he’s going to make a 5 man group. Just remember I told yall so.

11:18 PM: Oh, here comes another cut – oh no.. Robert is told that he made the band. How much better does he look with his haircut?

11:19 PM: Willie makes the band. My lady approves.

11:20 PM: Q makes the band!!! WOW. That’s a bit of a surprise, but I like it. Not looking so good for Donnie with Big Mike still out there in a guaranteed slot.

11:24 PM: Oh DAMN!!! Brian made it. I’m happy for the dude and I’m sure his kid is clapping, but damn. He’s not a top 5 talent in my estimation.

11:25 PM: Ok, that means Big Mike… oh yes, there’s the Big Mike nod. Oh, and Donnie got a solo deal. Man, I feel bad for Jeremy and D’Angelo. They didn’t get any kind of shine and no discussion of why they didn’t make the band. They just got to sing and dance a little bit followed by the peace sign. That’s life I guess.

Looking forward to these dudes cutting their album. Also should be decent to see Donnie get in the mix with his solo career. I’ll be looking out.

-Lake

Curses!…Will Madden Strike Again?

August 27, 2007

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Madden 2008 launched last week as fanboys struggled to figure out why they spent another $50-$60 on the same game that came out last year. Sure, the rosters are updated, but with your system connected to the internet, you can get the same thing. They’ve taken Tiki off of the Giants, Reggie Bush won’t be hamstrung with rookie stats. Fine, you get “special attributes” for your players, Payton is smart, Larry Johnson will bowl your ass over, and Ray Lewis will read your play if you run the same thing over and over again…great.

The only thing Madden is good for these days is predicting who is going to get faded during the football season. This year’s lucky victim?

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None other than Vince Young. Vince, have you looked at history? Let’s work backwards…

2007 Shawn Alexander – Broken Foot, missed 6 starts and never did much for the rest of the season.

2006 Donovan McNabb – Sports Hernia during the ’06 season, and a blown knee in ’07.

2005 Ray Lewis – This is a back to the future curse, I don’t know how this cat made the cover after the murder case, but he did. Actually, Ray is the only argument in recent history that the curse isn’t real.

2004 Mike Vick – Well damn. Does it get worse? Anyway, he actually broke his leg this season too. He apparently also drowned a pitbull while he was rehabbing.

2003 Marshall Faulk – missed five games with an ankle injury.

2002 Daunte Culpepper – hurt for the season in week 11, when he injured his back.

2001 Eddie George had his worst season ever.

Do I need more? In fact, perennial fantasy first pick LaDainian Tomlinson is said to have turned down the cover just to avoid the curse. Good luck Vince!

-Brock

Duke injury woes continue: Down goes McClure

August 24, 2007

Awwww, not again, the curly headed gangsta also known in some circles as the gentlemanly thug, Dave McClure, just had surgery on his knee putting him out of action for 6-8 weeks.

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Seriously, Duke just can’t get a break. First Big Brian Zoubek, the would be answer for our deficiencies in the post goes down. Then the captain and only senior, Markie Nelson hits the skids with yet another injury, this time, on his non shooting hard and now this.

What can you do? Duke is supposed to be better this year, but I’m not so convinced. What I do know is that the ACC is way down, so the wins and losses are certain to change up.

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At any rate, here’s to a speedy recovery for our boy Dave McClure who definitely seems like a good cat.

– Lake

PS- Greg Monroe and Elliot Williams, do not terry on this Duke commitment now, ya hear?

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We need you guys in the fold and ready to make that National Championship run.. Come on in…

Crank that Soldier bwoy!

August 24, 2007

Sure, we’re late to it, but if you’re a lover of mindless ‘fanger snap’ songs, you’ll enjoy this.

Awwwww, I was with them until they pulled out the heat…lol, F*ck it, I’m still with them. Maximus asked the fundamental question in the gladiator pit, “are you not entertained?”

Yes I was.

Lauryn officially hits rock(s) bottom as Pras credibly disses her

August 23, 2007

Remember when a comparison like this, Lauryn Hill v. Jessica Simpson, was laughable in the other direction? Sheeyut.

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Well, times, they is a’changin my friends. This is nothing new, but on the rizzeal, can you think of anything in the world that says you’ve hit the absolute bottom of the trash heap like when Pras (from the Fugees), the biggest no talent EVER (and yes, that includes Mr. Dalvin from Jodeci, Woody from Dru Hill, the black guy from Color Me Badd, New York from Flavor of Love/I Love New York fame, WilyKit, WilyKat (Thundercats hoes) and Dylan from Making the Band 2) says that you’re all washed up and proclaims that he, and again, we’re talking about Pras, wouldn’t work with you?

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Well welcome to the F’d up worl of L-Boogie aka Lauryn Hill. One of the best talents of my lifetime has been reduced to a punchline and Pras went ahead and got his in today:

“Before I work with Lauryn Hill again, you will have a better chance of seeing Osama Bin Laden and Bush in Starbucks having a latte, discussing foreign policies, before there will be a Fugees reunion. At this point I really think it will take an act of God to change her, because she is that far out there.”

Pras, it already took an act of God to allow you to even breath the same creative air as Lauryn Hill, I think the Almighty has given you enough, right (let’s not forget, he also gave you Ghetto Superstar, which truly was just the hook and fine Mya, not you)? Damn, Damn, Damn….. Sad man, I still blame Wyclef..

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(one of our loyal readers, Rosy F, says it’s not Clef.. sorry gurl, I know you’re both Capricorns and that actually means something to you, but it was him.”…no headless chicken!!!”)

Everybody knows Lauryn lost all her damn sense well before Rohan got a hold of her. Sure, Rohan is the one who put her over the edge, but ‘Clef basically whooped on her for 12 rounds and then allowed Ro’ to come in a knock her off, literally, once he was done with her. Damn you ‘Clef why’d you have to go ruin one our great prodigies? Pissed off man, though it was cool kicking it with you in Vegas that one time, so I guess we’re all square.

– Lake

PS- Pras’ verse on Wyclef’s solid hit “We Tryin’ to Stay Alive” might have been the worst in the history of hip hop, including all of gangsta rap, krunk and reggaeton, yes.. it was THAT BAD!!!!

(prizewell (dirtycash))
Yo yo
You can tell by the way I roll shorty that Im a ladies man
A business man
Condos down the shore
Multi million pension plans
But it aint in my plan to make move without the fam
I keep it intact
You clef do the track
John play da mack while I pay the tax
Business as usuall
Watchin suspects
Steal my assetts
Get cut with gillettes
We built this concept
Connect like nynex
Drinks at the bar
My american express

Making the Band 4: Well it’s about damn time!

August 23, 2007

As we all ready ourselves for the true finale on Sunday night when Diddy finally picks this band, we have a little treat for all you MTB4 fans out there.

Indeed, someone finally got footage of Laurie Ann Gibson from Making the Band 4 in that ridiculous blue leotard, fishnet, high heel combo. She realllllly thought she as bringing it that day. Fine, I was intrigued. I looked…looked hard even. But turned on? Sorry Laurie, that I was not. This outfit should have let us know the end was near. (That and the fact that they teased that damn fight from the first episode and didn’t deliver it until long about week 5.) Anyway, here it is in all its glory. Laurie Ann’s Blue Leotard.

Let me tell yall MTB4 fans out there…that midsection, that underbelly? It’s nooot riiiight. All the ladies out there know to rock something that flatters the shape and everyone is different. Something that looks great on one babe, don’t really look right on the next. She knew this would be on TV. Oh yeah, she waited for it, she wanted it. Just imagine the hours of prep time. The outrageous outfits that were NOT deemed appropriate for public consumption. You know you’re old as hell when you believe that outfit flatters you. “Supa uglay!”

Laurie Ann, you ruined the only thing you had going for you when you publicly dissed Diddy on his show. Sadly, like Mike Vick and his dogs, this foolishness is truly all you’ll be remembered for. Turrible.

-Brock