More than a courtesy flush: GOP Senator Larry Craig propositions an undercover cop

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Wow… Here we go again.

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Tell me if you’ve heard this story before. Dude is a freak and loves to get his homo erotic freak on. Dude is intelligent and charismatic. At some point, dude recognizes that his freakiness isn’t appreciated, but his charisma is and so he rails against what he loves most (getting his public and private homosexual freak on) to manipulate the naive and the idiotic alike and improve his station in life. I mean, that’s like the story of life, right? I mean, I’m an educated man and while I haven’t brushed up on my Hawthorne in a while, if my memory serves me that was the basic premise behind The Scarlet Letter with the town hizzo getting ostracized under the leadership of the right reverend — meanwhile, he’s the cat who had been hitting it all along and the one who ultimately fathered her baby out of wedlock. It’s classic.

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(“Senator, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say, you lookin mighty cute in them jeans”)

Same goes for this clown Republican Senator Larry Craig from the cosmopolitan, forward-thinking state of Idaho (I wonder why he had to lie about being gay in Idaho). Right, this cat has been against every gay bill you can find; including bills concerning gay marriage, but also bills against hate crimes perpetrated against gays because they are gay. Interestingly, dude was for “Don’t ask, don’t tell”… hmmm, I wonder why.

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Anyway, off to the meat of the story. Back in October of 2006, a gay blogger was outing closeted gay congressmen who talked tough about gay issues as a moral imperative while quietly getting their gay freak on behind closed doors. At that time, Larry Craig was outed as one of those people. The blogger claimed to know of four men who admitted to having gay sex with Craig. Not too surprisingly, Mr. Craig immediately said that he wasn’t gay, calling the accusations “laughable” (who’s laughing now beeyatch). In addition, in the past there have been allegations that Craig has had inappropriate gay activity with congressional pages, an allegation he also flatly denied.

Now, look, he’s got all that background story and it comes out today that Craig was arrested and charged with various crimes associated with cruising for cack in a Minneapolis airport bathroom that just happened to be the focus of a sting investigation for public gay male sex. According to an undercover law enforcement officer Senator Craig was blocking his stall with a suit case, a sure sign in his experience, that he was up to something that he didn’t want to be seen from the front of the stall.

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(at least he took a classy mugshot)

According to the cop, Senator Craig entered the stall and started using some wild hand movements which I guess in the officer’s experience is the international signal cruising gays use to hook up in some bathrooms. The officer said that Larry Craig was running his hand under the stall AND tapping his foot into his stall area, as well as, looking at him “through the crack” and making gestures with his hands. When asked why he did that with his foot, Mr. Craig said he had a wide leg stance when using the bathroom which often landed his foot into the surrounding stalls. As for the gestures, he said that the officer just misunderstood him. Riiight, it’s that, it can’t just be the fact that:

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Now, look, I’m pretty much about as far as it goes toward not being gay, so maybe I don’t know. But in my world, when a man puts his hand under the stall or taps his foot over in my area of the stall, the next thing that happens is a stern “what the fu*ck are you doing?”, followed by some slow singing and flower bringing if the fool doesn’t knock it off. But maybe that’s just me. And though I haven’t seen everything, I’ve never found a need to reach my pristine hand up under some grimy, nasty, piss and shat infested bathroom stall for ANYTHING or tap my foot unless I was tip tappin’ my ass up out of that nasty hell hole as fast as I could.

Can I ask a question, what’s with the gay sex in public bathrooms? Remember it was that gay and racist Florida Republican, Bob Allen, trying to give some head to an undercover in a park bathroom, now this cat trying to get some cack in a Minneapolis airport bathroom?…. Excuse me for asking an obvious question, but is there any place on this earth nastier than a bathroom stall in the airport? How often do they clean those things, what like once a month? I just don’t get it. Oh and how good do all these gay bathroom sex revelations make you guys feel about when you have to take that public that leak at the urinal?

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It’s already about the last place you want to be pulling out your junk at, but now you really do have to wonder if that shady cat next to you is looking at your stuff, or worst yet, trying to pick up some Senator Craig inspired morris code foot tappities that say “let’s go in this piss and shat infested stall and get our durty freak on”!!!! Yuck! Of course Senator Craig called a press conference (tell tale sign you’re probably gay is when you have to call a press conference to say you’re not gay, save for Mike Piazza of course) to say 1. He’s not gay (yeah right) and 2. he should not have plead guilty to a lesser charge. Riiight, what you should have done instead is gone to trial so you could explain what all that wild foot tapping and hand signaling in a location known for random gay sex was for. That would have been easy to explain to the wife piece:

Senator Craig: Heeeey, I gotta go up to Minnesota on some ahem official bitniz, I’ll be back
Mrs. Craig: Are you flying into Minneapolis?
Senator Craig: Hell no b*tch, I mean, no honey, I’m paying in cash and riding a damn Amtrak so nobody can see my gay arse en route errr like a true American, I gotta stay in touch with the people
Mrs. Craig: But that’s not in your jurisdiction, you going up there to mess with those mens again?
Senator Craig: Noooooo, noooo, not me. I’ve never had sex with a man.. Oh no, freedom is on the march up there and I gotta just lay my moral hands on someone before they go ahem astray, PEACE

I’ve spent far too long on this post. I’m sorry, but these hypocrites with all the moralizing, it’s just a joke. I don’t believe nan one of them. Not nan.

-Lake

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