Archive for July, 2007

Lindsay been hanging with Al Gore III?

July 24, 2007

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Dude, usually we leave the Lindsay thing to Perezhilton.com and such, but I just had to comment on this. Not so much because Lindsay is again drinking, chasing middle aged women in parking lots on a suspended license and tooting the white horse like her name was Mrs. Al Gore III. I mean, all that is great but what’s being lost here is that Lohan actually looks pretty good often times. Maybe that’s obvious to some of you, but something about this coked out mug shot just got me excited. What do you think, Lake n Lindsay? We both love to party. We both want her to drink, stay snortin’ that coca and stay sittin ’round with her breasts and arse exposed. Peep some of these shots we ran across this morning in our production meeting. Gotta like it.

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Indeed, very attractive. Just what you want to see. Vacant eyes, Js sittin on dubbs, lips… ok, I’ll just stop there. Next.

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(that slim white woman tail is tucked in just right)

Now see, this isn’t something I’d usually do, namely jack a pick from this site,but it illustrates that slim white woman arse. Something we haven’t talked about much here at UvT. It’s not my cup of tea generally, but I must admit that it looks pretty decent in this pick. Man, it brings a tear to my eye.. I was raised on this tail and many like it. A vanilla brother is getting nostalgic.

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Sorry Brock.. If this is out of line, just go ahead and suspend me ala Michael Vick/Roger Goodell.

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Damn Lake! You trying to get me caught riding dirty? You know the man don’t like a brother like me looking at one of his main ladies. Yeah man, I’m going to have to shut you down for the night.

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-Brock

Charlie Weis, the Large Anchovy, Loses….AGAIN

July 24, 2007

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The self-styled offensive genius and “award winning” author, Charlie Weis, Head Coach at Notre Dame, lost his battle to sue his doctor for malpractice associated with gastric bypass surgery he had in 2002.

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After hearing of the jury decision which exonerated both of Charlie’s doctors, Coach Weis said:

“Well, I think our legal team was great. I think we were the better team out there, in fact, I believe Brady Quinn errrr my attorney, Mitch Burger, should do great at the next level. I think you’re looking at a Supreme Court Justice”

Of course that’s what Charlie thinks. Everything he does, in his mind, is first rate. This is a man, after all, who thought he should right a book after ONE SEASON of being a head coach, using his predecessor’s players to navigate a soft schedule. This is a dude who has NEVER WON A BIG GAME in his entire time at Notre Dame running that ship.

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He’s not the Big Tuna. He’s no Bill Belicheck, hell, he’s no Romeo Cronell. He’s a snake oil salesman who loses big games with regularity and who outsmarts no one, except, the University of Notre Dame of course who got jammed up with that 10 year extension without seeing one recruiting class or the Big Anchovy’s performance in one big game. Genius.

– Lake

Get at me dog: Vick gets slapped around by Falcons owner Arthur Blank

July 24, 2007

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Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank held a press conference today with his GM, Rich McKay on the Michael Vick situation. All in all, Blank basically showed that he’s done with Mike Vick by throwing homey under the bus. I mean, Blank wanted to make it crystal clear that he did not condone Vick’s alleged AND known association with dogfighting.

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Hey, no matter what side of the issue you’re on, it’s OVER between Mike Vick and the Atlanta Falcons. If he did it, they simply can’t keep him. He’ll have to be released and Blank is certain to go after Vick signing bonus money. If he’s found innocent, then Vick will have the knowledge that Blank went on tv and didn’t defend his character. Moreover, he said he wanted to suspend Vick for 4 games, the maximum suspension allowed, without Mike even getting his due process in the legal system.

I don’t know much, but I do know that the Falcons aint sh*t without Vick under center.

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(Joey Harrington is going to replace Ronald Mex, yeah right)

Not so sure Blank and them should have come out and said this… I mean, Goodell gave them cover with the paid leave of absence, why add that they wanted to suspend Mike? Oh well. I guess they’re really trying to save face here, otherwise, they would have said this stuff BEFORE the indictment was handed up, not after….

I can tell you who is loving this, every minute of it — Jim Mora, Jr and the ENTIRE New Orleans Saints organization. What a mess.

– Lake

Lay off the Ho-Ho’s

July 23, 2007

As you can see from the banner up top, my man Lake and I were brought up in the era of classic Mike Tyson.  Back when he would knock a cat out in 90 seconds, when he could get off four or five punches in a second, back when you had to read that blink and twitch with precision in Punch-out! or Little Mac’s ass was on the canvas.  So we still pay homage to the man himself in the most ironic picture ever.  Killer Mike with the tattooed face, yukking it up with a fresh Half-Caf, Soy, no foam, grande, extra-biyaaach, double sweet Caramel Macchiato.  Does it get worse?  Well, the regular readers of Us Verses Them know I wouldn’t be talking about it if it didn’t….Hell Yeah it gets worse.

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Got damn Mike!  How many of those coffee drinks did you have?  When was the last time you were in a gym?  I mean that sexy-man smedium shirt you have on isn’t doing you any favors with those young ass sleeves.  Your Gucci shoes look like you’ve been playing outside all day like you are 12 years old, scuff marks and everything.  Then the jeans.  Have you been shopping with ARod at the Turrible Gear section of the mall again?  On the strength of this pic alone, you are a first ballot inductee in the Turrible Gear Hall of Fame.

UvT readers…remember, fit is everything.  Iron Mike has it so bad, I really can’t tell if his gear is too loose or too tight.  Everything he has on is both at the same time, and he is on the red carpet!  Can’t take it.

 By the way, when I say lay off the Ho-Ho’s I mean the food, not the ladies.  You know the boys over here would never support that.  In fact, I’ll put you on the UvT workout plan.

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Take two of these, and the pounds will melt right off.

-Brock

Kepper of the arse: Good or Terrible?

July 22, 2007

Look, as you can see, UvT believes in the tail pieces.

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In fact, a large majority of our investigative reporting has been focused exclusively on the USDA approved backside. And we’ve hit you with so many varieties:

1. The original sister tail (Badu <– you remind me of my Jeep baby)

2. The new day, embrace yours white woman (Kim Kardashian, Biel)

3. The F that, Imma throw some Ds on that b*tch, enhanced booty (Coco)

4. The slim-thick, smoothed out aerobicized jammy (Allison Stokke)

But it just got me realizing. We haven’t quite unearthed all the asses out there. I mean, let’s be clear, there are some CRAZY tailpieces that even we know of that have no hit our blog. Most notably Vida Guerra’s (I’m sure we’ll get there). But there is one tail… it’s just been intriguing me. Forced me to look inside myself and really come to grips with who I am.. I mean, do I want and can I handle a monster truck, two pronged, nuclear reactin’, bangin, blazin the latest hip hop and R&B asstastic joint like Delicious sports?

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(incidentally, if you’re having trouble figuring out what’s going on here, it all starts in the small of the back fellas)

WOW!!! James Brown said it best, “Jump back, wanna kiss ma’self, Heeeey!” Jeez.. Seeing these pics is like when I watched that first Shock and Awe mission in Iraq. I was frightened by its violence, still drawn to the power… No question, this chick’s tail is scary. Very scary.

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(looks like homey in the middle doesn’t really know what to do either. Why do these chicks have on the same shoes?)

Hmmmm, not a fan of the cellulite, I can rest of that to make my determination, but still. Should I be excited or repulsed? Yo, I can’t lie. Delish is really coming to win in these pics and ole girl Buckeey, I like her contribution here too (if only she could get that wig piece tightened up). I mean, we’ve got a big tent over here.

There’s room for these ladies in it. I guess my issue isn’t so much them, because they look frighteningly nice here, but it’s the rest of these chicks out here who just got ass.. Not a hot ass or a banging ass, but JUST ASS and nothing else for you. Now all of a sudden, they’re taking pics backwards, trying to hit that side angle sweet spot. I mean, I just can’t have it. So at the risk of dealing with the slippery slope, I’ll accept Delicious’ arse as presented here and place it in the archives under “Gorilla cheeks” to quote my man, the self proclaimed Booty Pirate of LA (I see you). But please, let’s not have too much of this:

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Tragic man. You got a silver lip stick rockin’ drunkard on the left, a semi normal babe in the center and an altered beast, he-she nightmare on the right, all undoubtedly inspired by the antics of Delish and such. I can’t lie, there’s something about that terrible broad in the middle I like. Maybe it’s the “I’ve lost all my good sense and my morals” tongue out…maybe it’s something else….

– Lowly Lake

NBA Referee Gambling and Point Shaving Scandal: Timmy “Da Whistle” Donaghy gets popped?!

July 20, 2007

Look, when this story first broke we had no idea which NBA ref got in over his head with his own illegal gambling and then had to answer to Paulie and Christopher.

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But if we had to guess one ref who did have the gambling jones AND was ignant enough to actually throw games for other cats like it was 1947 and not 2007, then our own speculative money was on the only known NBA Thug rockin’ a ref’s uniform, Joey Crawford of inexplicable technical fouls for Tim Duncan fame. But alas, it’s this slug, Tim Donaghy instead. Dammit!

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NBA referee Tim Donaghy is under investigation by the FBI for allegations that he bet on games that he officiated over the past two seasons and that he made calls affecting the point spread in games for the benefit of his mob associates. Is that all?

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And yes folks, Ole Timmy Whistles did resign once he got word of the investigation. Truth be told, we feel for the guy. I can only imagine how tough it is to have Kobe in your face asking you why you just made that completely inexplicable call, knowing FULL WELL that as you see Kobe’s lips move, all you’re thinking about is the threat from Tony Soprano‘s to make you Bobby Bacala’s “popped cherry” murder if you don’t either get him his money or fix this game tonight…. Yikes.

Awww, I just read that the 40 year old Donaghy is a Villanova grad and was involved with NBA Reads Program..nice. There’s a role model for the kiddies. One thing is for sure, this puts a decisive bullet in that NBA team in Vegas idea. Again, ugly.

-Lake

Silky Smooth white woman alert II: Allison Stokke

July 20, 2007

NEW ALLISON STOKKE PICS.  She’s at Cal and Looking Great.

You all loved the original Allison Stokke post, so now it’s time for that Reeee, reeee, Reeeeemix.

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Everytime I see this chick, it’s like Swish, errrytime we see deez pics it’s like Swish!!! Make a smooth white dude like me, wanna see the Reeeee-MIX! Sorry, I just had to take that adaptation from R. Kelly’s part It’s me B*tches, Remix by Swizzz Beats.. If you are an R fan, it’s just so much what you want. And it really perfectly describes how I feel about these damn pictures of Allison Stokke.

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I don’t care if I’m late to the game, this babe is gonna get some airtime on this damn site!

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(Quietly, these friends in these pics look fairly decent as well. They’ve got something going on out west. I may need to investigate…developing)

-Lake

Is Britney Still Hot?

July 20, 2007

Sometimes she looks terrible, like she is barely holding things together.  Then there are other times when she harkens back to turn of the century, hot Britney.

Then there’s this:

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Side J’s, thick thighs, azz cheek trying to come around the corner in the back.  I’ll take it.

-Brock

Duke Basketball Breakdown: Lance Thomas

July 20, 2007

You won’t find bigger Duke Basketball fans anywhere than right here at U v. T. No question, it’s a Commodus situation, with all the passion and ruthlessness that goes along with it. “I would butcher the whole world if you’d only love me”. Peep that scene here where Commodus offs his pops, so good.

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At any rate, that’s how we feel about this next National Championship for Duke. In short, we gotta have it. Quite frankly, folks aren’t completely satisfied that we’ve got all the pieces in house to make a serious run at this thing. Don’t get me wrong, we’ll go to battle and die with the troops we have.. We do in fact support the troops! But we need a few more hard, pipe hittin brothas to make this thing work. At any rate, this is our assessment of Lance Thomas, Duke’s energetic, second-year player and former recruiting coup from New Jersey.

Player Name: Lance Thomas

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Prep profile:
Ht. 6-9, Wt: 200
Position:
Small Forward/Power Forward
High School:
St. Benedict’s Prep.
Coach:
Danny Hurley
Class:
Class of 2006
AAU Teams:
New Heights, New York Panthers
Points Per Game:
16.8
Scout.com rating:
5/5 stars
Rivals.com rating
4/5 stars
Year:
Class of 2006
High School GPA:
3.1
Haircut:
Smooth thug rows, w/ a twag of AJ from 106 & Park

 

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Duke Profile:

Duke Info:
Ht. 6-8, Wt: 215
Position:
Forward
Year:
Class of 2010
Games played:
31 of 33
Games started:
18 of 33
Mins per game:
14.9
Field Goal %:
.568
Free throw %:
.593
Points per game:
4.5
Rebs per game:
2.5
Haircut:
Corp. Blackman, even steve, no 40 belo temple taper

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Last Year:

One thing about Lance, he always gave it his all. We can respect that because, let’s face it, not everybody does. Whether it was with his high post, jumping jack ball pressure D or that aggressive, wax on wax off lateral movement, Lance always came with the heart of a lion, will of a champion (rhetoric by the Prince Naseem Hamed). With that said, we hoped that LT would have brought a bit more confidence in his scoring ability with him to Durham. Watching tape of Lance in high school (there’s still some on youtube), homey had a knack for scoring in and around the paint. He had a solid mid-range game and definitely rebounded well. I think he discovered, as many have, that the ACC is far more physical than even top Prep and AAU competition because let’s face it, plenty of Lance’s stuff got thrown back at him on put backs last year. All in all, it’s hard to quarrel with what Lance gave us though. He went out, started a bunch of games and most of all, played extremely hard. A very solid first year for LT.

Outlook For the Coming Year:

In short, LT has got to get stronger, improve his jumper and, dammit, GET STRONGER. Foul trouble has been an issue, but we figure most of that will work itself out once he doesn’t have to overcompensate for a lack of strength with speed and of course, experience. Dude has great mobility and good size at 6′, 8″- or 6′, 9″. He’s definitely got to get that free-throw shooting percentage up, but that’s just a matter of dedication which we think he has.

Clearly he’s bought into the Duke system and clearly Coach K sees him as a valuable contributor that belongs on the floor given his high number of starts and the big minutes he got in his first year. The exodus of Josh McBoberts and injury to Large Zoubek should really inspire this cat. I mean, really he should be working out with Victory, Puff Daddy feat. Big and Busta and Ante Up, M.O.P. on a continuous loop.

Lance, the millions and millions of Duke fans are with you homey. All reports in the summer say that you are playing plenty of hoop with all kinds of comp. Good to hear. We’re expecting a solid sophomore bump for Mr. LT, a cat we see as part of the solution for Duke.

It’s Hard Out Here For a Shrimp…

July 19, 2007

With the news of the new Hobbit movie (sans Peter Jackson), I was thinking about the Lord of the Rings movies and noticed something.

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Okay, lets break this down…starting from the left. My man Mikey from the Goonies, Rudy himself, Sean Astin has been working since 1981. He’s straight, he’s got a job.

Elijah Wood, same deal. First of all he was making that main character, Frodo money for this job. So he probably got paid even if he never worked again. But he has also been working since the 80’s (first role, “video game boys” in Back to the Future II? Who knew? Thanks imdb!) and has been working since. The poor man’s Tobey Maguire will keep on keeping on.

Dominic Monaghan, nee “Merry” of Hobbit fame. He wasn’t much before this role, but was able to parley it into three strong seasons as Charlie Pace on the UvT fave show Lost. We are sure to see more from this cat in the future…even if we don’t, he is hitting costar Evangeline Lilly….so yeah, he’s a winner.

Then we get to my man on the far left…who the f*ck is he? I mean, I didn’t know before and I still don’t know now. He was in a BS role in the movie, he is still the second most famous Pippen, after Scottie, and he hasn’t broken out as a stand-alone star. This dude is going to be a Hobbit for the rest of his damn life. Big feet, wet hair, shrunk to midget proportions by movie magic. This cat is destined to be one of those cats who is remembered as their character forever. That sucks.

Maybe there is a help program that can be put together for little cats. Bow Wow hasn’t worked since Like Mike.  Now that I think about it, my man Verne Troyer of mini-me fame hasn’t had a job in years.

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Verne, are you chunking them deuces on your own career homey? Because it is ovaaaaaahhh.

-Brock