Kepper of the arse: Good or Terrible?

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Look, as you can see, UvT believes in the tail pieces.

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In fact, a large majority of our investigative reporting has been focused exclusively on the USDA approved backside. And we’ve hit you with so many varieties:

1. The original sister tail (Badu <– you remind me of my Jeep baby)

2. The new day, embrace yours white woman (Kim Kardashian, Biel)

3. The F that, Imma throw some Ds on that b*tch, enhanced booty (Coco)

4. The slim-thick, smoothed out aerobicized jammy (Allison Stokke)

But it just got me realizing. We haven’t quite unearthed all the asses out there. I mean, let’s be clear, there are some CRAZY tailpieces that even we know of that have no hit our blog. Most notably Vida Guerra’s (I’m sure we’ll get there). But there is one tail… it’s just been intriguing me. Forced me to look inside myself and really come to grips with who I am.. I mean, do I want and can I handle a monster truck, two pronged, nuclear reactin’, bangin, blazin the latest hip hop and R&B asstastic joint like Delicious sports?

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(incidentally, if you’re having trouble figuring out what’s going on here, it all starts in the small of the back fellas)

WOW!!! James Brown said it best, “Jump back, wanna kiss ma’self, Heeeey!” Jeez.. Seeing these pics is like when I watched that first Shock and Awe mission in Iraq. I was frightened by its violence, still drawn to the power… No question, this chick’s tail is scary. Very scary.

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(looks like homey in the middle doesn’t really know what to do either. Why do these chicks have on the same shoes?)

Hmmmm, not a fan of the cellulite, I can rest of that to make my determination, but still. Should I be excited or repulsed? Yo, I can’t lie. Delish is really coming to win in these pics and ole girl Buckeey, I like her contribution here too (if only she could get that wig piece tightened up). I mean, we’ve got a big tent over here.

There’s room for these ladies in it. I guess my issue isn’t so much them, because they look frighteningly nice here, but it’s the rest of these chicks out here who just got ass.. Not a hot ass or a banging ass, but JUST ASS and nothing else for you. Now all of a sudden, they’re taking pics backwards, trying to hit that side angle sweet spot. I mean, I just can’t have it. So at the risk of dealing with the slippery slope, I’ll accept Delicious’ arse as presented here and place it in the archives under “Gorilla cheeks” to quote my man, the self proclaimed Booty Pirate of LA (I see you). But please, let’s not have too much of this:

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Tragic man. You got a silver lip stick rockin’ drunkard on the left, a semi normal babe in the center and an altered beast, he-she nightmare on the right, all undoubtedly inspired by the antics of Delish and such. I can’t lie, there’s something about that terrible broad in the middle I like. Maybe it’s the “I’ve lost all my good sense and my morals” tongue out…maybe it’s something else….

– Lowly Lake

One Response to “Kepper of the arse: Good or Terrible?”

  1. JAWK Says:

    Haaaaa…… not Altered Beast…..

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