iPhone Launch!: The UvT review

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June 29, 2007. 6:00 pm. Hundreds of thousands of copies of Adobe Photoshop sat idle, Dungeons & Dragons games were halted, Hipsters slunk from their coffee shops to pretend they didn’t give a damn, but were still willing to go wait in a line to worship at the house of Jobs.

The iPhone launched Friday to much fanfare, and yo boy Brock was there to take in the action.

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Outside of the store, security was tight. You see they got brothers out there to control the crowd. They really didn’t want any trouble.

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At 6:00 the black curtains in front of the store were ripped down and dozens of Black clad Mac Dorks…uhhhh…geniuses came out. They were actually more hype than the crowd. There was only one cat who seemed really excited, he actually screamed “Show Me the Money!” when they opened the door. Ebay speculator, yeah, seems like it. I think this cat may have actually camped out from the night before too. Brock, yeah I pulled up at 6.

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Security still flexin. Making sure nobody breaks out with the product.

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You know your boy Brock got his though.

Five things Apple did right:

1) The phone looks good as hell. The touch screen is great and this thing would make one bad ass iPod. 2008 is going to be crazy when they drop an 80 gig touchscreen video iPod.

2) Hey Sony, Apple figured out how to have a launch event and make sure everyone that wanted to buy one, got one.  That means that there isn’t anyone making more money per unit on ebay than you are.

3) They figured out how to get AT&T to pay them for the privilege of selling their phone.

4) They created their own hype.  Apple shut down every Apple store in the nation at 2pm just to open it back up again at 6:00pm.  They were selling their phones at 6 on a Friday, after work, during the summer, when grown folks with money might actually show up to buy what they are selling.  Not at midnight, during the middle of winter, where anyone who waited in line for your stuff looked like smelly hobbits waiting to get into a Duke Basketball game.  Yeah, I’m looking at you again Sony.

5) The iPhone actually delivers on its lofty promises.  Go touch one, play with it.  Remember when you were a kid and you imagined things from the future?  When you hold one of these phones, you feel like you are in the damn future.

5 things Apple got wrong:

1) When you drop your $600 for your shiny new toy, you can’t even use the damn thing.  You can’t do anything until you activate service, not even listen to music.  I guarantee Apple would have sold a bunch of 8 gig, $600 iPods on Friday if this wasn’t the case.  People are even figuring out how to fail the credit check to get a “pay as you go” phone to avoid the contract.

2) AT&T apparently has shitty data service.  The phone works best if you are on wifi.  Great if you are standing in Bryant Park in NYC, or sitting in a Starbucks.  Terrible if you are anywhere else.

3) You can’t separate your business from your pleasure.  Hey Apple, I use my cell phone for legitimate work…you know writing email to people other than my homies, actually showing up for appointments on time, you know keeping the bills paid.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m probably not keeping my 10,000 song iTunes Library on my work computer.  First of all, I don’t think having “Bitches Ain’t Shit” on The Man’s computer is going to go over well come review time.  Second, I don’t think IT is going to think it is a legitimate work use.  Yeah, I’ve seen the commercials, I know I’m getting all “PC” on you.  Apple is supposed to be cool and different.  But a brother’s gotta keep the lights on.

4)  I know AT&T offered up that long jack for exclusivity, but you gotta open up the product for other carriers.  You have the hot shit, not them.

5)  You let this guy come out of the house in the same damn outfit everyday.

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I’d say the guy has 200 of those damn mock turtlenecks in his closet, but the one he has on in this pic looks like it has been through the wash more than a few times.  Steve Jobs, welcome to the Turrible Gear Hall of Fame.  Say hello to Stray Rod and Coz for me.

-Brock

2 Responses to “iPhone Launch!: The UvT review”

  1. raafman Says:

    umm, I believe the final title of what you call “Bitches Ain’t Shit” is actually “——- Ain’t —-” on the official album covers. Interscope records in the hizouse! I’d expect better research from you of all people Brock.

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