Thick white woman alert: Kimmy Kardashian


“Her mama got ass too” – Smokey, Friday

We won awards for our insightful piece on this rise of the thick white woman in popular culture. Well now it’s Kim Kardashian’s turn to join the club and in case you think it’s a fluke please look here. It’s pretty crazy when you think that all of a sudden around 1998ish, thick thighs and arses draped in ivory started appearing in major cities all across America where they previously had not been. There were several schools of thought to explain this phenomenon:

1. Original intent: Or the concept that the asses have always been there, thick, yes, but HIDDEN in shame (Jessica Biel talks about this here) because they weren’t really appreciated pre JLo (an honorary Caucasian) and Britney, the charter member of the super thick, “is that what I think it is” club.

2. Work it out: The rise of the fitness gym generally and weight training specifically has to account for the nurture side of the equation. Everyone knows that if you build it (or even sculpt it), they will come. And anyone who knows anything knows that the college aged white women reaaaally began to hit that gym around 1994 and it had an impact! Slim in the waist, thick in the thigh (or as some called it soccer leg) was the precursor to the full on thick white woman. Brothers stood up and took notice immediately, but they had no idea it would spawn certified bangers like Biel, Spears and to a lesser extent, Alba in the process. No one could ever dream that big, but let’s be clear these squats and lunges have had their effect.

3. The Mark McGuire Effect: It’s not that babes were actually injecting blackness directly into their arses, though, some were doing that in a sense. Nope, the truth of the matter is that the whole nation is on ‘Roids passed on to us via the food we eat. Diesel ass chickens, skrong ass cattle and buff salmon (yeah, I said it) have made their way from the feed, to the plate and into the ass. Say it aint true.

4. Throw some Ds on that sh*t: Or also known as the Coco effect. This is the rumored, but not totally verified as a widespread practice of puttin that thang on Dubbs with an ass implant. Probably the best example of this, at least in terms of rumors, is Coco, Ice T’s wife.

Take your pick, but they probably all have merit. Still, it’s happened, we know that!!! I mean, the day when you can see a chick with dark hair from the back, look down at the gluteus maximus and KNOW it was a black woman is gone!

We’ve all done it. You see her waiting at that crosswalk, pushing the button..

You say, “daaaaaamn” and quicken your pace to get a proper look. Sure enough she looks sideways for no damn reason (they always do, they just like a swanging that hair) and you see it’s a descendant of the Aryan Brotherhood. What do you do? Of course, you IMMEDIATELY call your boy to inform him of yet another sighting of a white rhino in her own habitat.. Invariably he asks if you saw the other critical points of her frame and you say, “I couldn’t really get in there to see”… Awwwwww.. This same scenario happened to me no less than 5 times last month and if you go to a large fitness gym with any regularity change that to 10 times a month minimum.

8 Responses to “Thick white woman alert: Kimmy Kardashian”

  1. More Athlete Wives and Girlfriends: Hoops « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] saw Tiger going that way), but if you’re gonna do that thang, do the thang right homey. Like Kimmy Kardashian right or Jessical Biel right. You can’t go Becky from ’round the mall wrong. Damn, sorry I had to cut you Shane, but […]

  2. Thick white woman alert: Mrs. Coco T « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] than great or terrible. No question, this bikini shot certifies that she indeed beyonds in that U v. T Thick White Woman category…and she will remain safely ensconced accordingly. But I’m not sure I love the way that […]

  3. VMAs roundup: It’s Britney B*tch! « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] as I know my man Brock does. I have a soft spot for her being that she was a pioneer in the “thick white woman era“, something I hold near and dear to my heart. So let me start with the positive, her new […]

  4. MR Black Ohio Says:

    Who gives a sh** about some white bi***es with azz. Yall coons sound like yall want to be some white boyZ. No race of women on earth got that swagga azz of a sista. So why waste time hyping up the white man’s ho? F-what you heard playas.

  5. Lake Arlington Says:

    I’m 100% YT my man.. what you want from me?

    – Nilla Ice

  6. Tommy Foolery Says:

    sounds like ‘dem wanna be white boyz for realz. Kardashian, Coco, Biel, J Lo, I’ll take them ova those nappy headed ho’s any day. Breff be stankin’ to. incidentally, i’m gay and love black cack.

  7. Mini Thunder: Tiny Tail Appreciation Day « Us Versus Them Says:

    […] If it’s pre, she might truly be working with a little something en route to moderately thick white woman status.  If it’s post, well, then I can only applaud her for beating back the negative arse […]

  8. muthafuka Says:

    Fuck you jealous muthafukaz! and Mike Tyson is a bitch just you.

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